Tag Archives: independence

2014-12-28 13.37.32

How My Son Leveled Up in New York

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2014-12-28 13.37.32Happy New Year! A week ago we successfully and smoothly returned from a week in New York and New Jersey. Somehow we survived the 15-hour drive (no stops other than to gas up and stretch) each way with grace. And without killing each other.

So what do you get when you combine a single mom, a rental car, two special needs teens, a long-ass drive and a week of new experiences?

PROGRESS! That’s right, my (not so) little man leveled up in innumerable ways. This was my true Christmas gift and I am beyond astounded and grateful. Here are some of the awesome discoveries and moments of progress that occurred:

 An Eye for Beauty

Our initial journey took us from Atlanta to New Jersey via I-77 and I-81. We were2014-12-28 13.35.27 in the middle of Virginia at the PERFECT time of day and saw the most pristine and beautiful skies. I had never before heard my son describe things that were beautiful to him – I wasn’t even aware that he had an eye for such things. Not only could he not stop talking about the views and the heavenly cloud formations, but he took more than 200 photos with his iPhone! This interest grew exponentially as we traveled over various bridges from New Jersey into New York throughout our vacation. He captured scenes from a really unique perspective… perhaps a higher resolution camera is in his near future!

Embracing His Goofiness

J-Bird developed another related camera skill during this time – taking unflattering selfies. He made some of the strangest faces and proceeded to take selfies and assign ridiculously appropriate and hilarious hashtags to accompany them. And they say people with Autism have no sense of humor. Incorrect. It was glorious to see him be unapologetically himself and make others genuinely laugh in the process.

Independence Day

This may seem like no big deal to many, but any little steps toward independence are celebrated heartily in our house (or hotel room, in this case). Perhaps it was the new surroundings that encouraged him, but for the first time my son was able to wash his own hair in the shower. This success seemed to feed his confidence and he began dressing himself as well! It can be so challenging as parents to watch our gifted children perform amazing and independent feats in other areas, such as computer programming, yet struggle with daily hygiene tasks. This was huge.

New Communication

The morning of our hotel check out, my son and I went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast, as we did most mornings. However, on this day it was downright MOBBED. It was New Year’s Day and there was a huge Asian tour group there as well as in influx of new guests from the night before. People were swarming around like bees, many of the menu items he had grown accustomed to were sold out, and it was LOUD. I repeatedly asked him to grab a pl2014-12-28 08.21.18ate from the food bar so I could try and get the last two pieces of bread for him to toast and he wasn’t moving. Instead of his normal response to such an overwhelming environment (verbal stimming, complete shutdown, crashing into me, etc.) he simply looked at me and said, “I feel really uncomfortable around all these people.” WHAT? Who was this well-spoken young man before me? I was SO proud of him. I immediately told him that I understood and ushered him to a table. I plugged his headphones into his iPhone and told him to watch a video while I navigated around the food area and got him what he needed.

Why So Many Level Ups?

This is all great news for us, and I’m sure you can relate to some of them or have hope for similar types of progress in your home. But it wouldn’t be fair to just share our success… here’s what I think led up to them:

Time Away

This was our first family vacation in many, many years. Since we acquired our2014-12-27 16.02.10 copy huskies. It was long overdue. Taking time away from the “chiseled in stone” daily rituals can sometimes provide a boost in new perspectives and abilities. I’m so glad I created this opportunity for us to get away. Keep in mind, though, that we quickly established some new routines while we were there, so it’s not like we went from the daily grind to complete spontaneity. Little things like going downstairs for breakfast together helped him stay focused and feel safe. The one morning I took the kids to the diner instead of just him and I having our normal breakfast created some real problems for him, so I had to really ascertain from his body language what should be routine and what can be free and spontaneous activity. Which leads us right into the next one…

Listening

I acknowledged that our quaint breakfast together was important to him each morning, so we went back to that for his sake. I was constantly watching for cues when it came to what he could handle and when he had enough of something. In one situation, he was in full meltdown mode and we were not in a place where we could leave, so I had to adapt and overcome! I created a small, quiet corner for him in the museum store and let the girls go off on their own for a bit while I stayed with him. These little things helped him feel heard and understood, and that made it easier for everyone.

Being Prepared and Being Flexible

I tried to think of all possible scenarios and issues when it came to planning this trip. I even planned to NOT plan some days so we could survey everyone’s mood and not be locked into an itinerary of sorts. So of course it was great for me to have familiar attachment items with us – even when he said he didn’t want to bring them – as well as many of the tools I mentioned in previous posts for travel. But some things just turn out differently no matter how much planning goes into it. For instance, I bought a travel charger for my laptop and brought several DVDs for him to watch in the car during our drive. Guess what. He wanted to watch live streams on YouTube. It’s a good thing I found out what he was doing when I did, because I had to call our wireless provider and purchase a wildly larger data plan so we didn’t have overage penalties!! But this kept him occupied when he wasn’t taking selfies and scenery photos. On the flip side, he didn’t want to bring his Mario plush but I ran back in the house and grabbed it at the last minute. This item was by far the most used throughout the entire week.

Encouragement

When I learned of his new photography skills I encouraged and complimented him. And they were really good, too! Sure, it was a bit much to get shown each of the 200+ photos every time he snapped one. Many of them were extremely similar. But I looked at them all and found something unique to say about each one. I also encouraged his independence but did not push him into something he was not ready to do or uncomfortable with.

As a result of these decisions or actions on my part, my son achieved some awesome new skills… something we may never have discovered if we didn’t take a crazy drive to New York.

Over to You…

In what ways can you shake up your routine a bit and see how your child responds? You just might be surprised at what’s possible with a little preparedness, flexibility, listening and encouragement!

 

Spring Fever – Time to Get the Body Moving!

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I am learning from my mistakes. Hey, that’s better than continuing a pattern for an indefinite amount of time, unwilling to look at what may or may not be working, right?

My son, being an unschooler for a little over six months, is very much out of shape. Oh, I know the reason. He spends the better part of his day programming video games (not playing them – WRITING them!). Because of his obsession and brilliance, he currently isn’t interested in joining the rest of the world.

Without turning this into an unschooling article, there is a certain degree of “deschooling” a child will go through when first realizing they are not being forced to memorize things they have no interest in. Picture having been restricted from a certain food group for years and years and suddenly you are told you can eat whatever you want WHENEVER you want – what do you think you would do? Eat all your favorite foods to excess, most likely! Then your body would realize it could have them at any time, and the pendulum would start forming a natural balance – you would find a nice rhythm to your eating. By the way, your body is way smarter than your fad diet, but that’s a post for another day!

The situation

Here’s the missing key in my house right now: my son will spend hours programming games and then get these uncontrollable bursts of energy that have no choice but to be released in the fastest and loudest way possible. He usually shapeshifts into a whirling dervish and runs the length of the house several times, screaming and hitting everything in his path. Not angrily, just energetically :)

Sure, his body is taking care of the regulation of this energy, but not in a productive way. Typically this will result in dogs or sister lashing out at him for inappropriate agitation, followed by the lowering of his self-esteem because he doesn’t understand what everyone’s so upset about.

Having done a successful Fitness 4 Autism program with him in the past, I am kind of ashamed that I let things go this direction for so long. At times I switch into survival mode, when I am balancing a ridiculous amount of things on my oversized, superwoman plate. But that’s okay, all we have is the now and here’s what I’m committing to:

The solution

Short chunks of regular movement breaks. One of my greatest motivation tools for Justin is a timer. Whenever he is resistant to any activity (tooth brushing, taking out the trash) I turn it around and make it a game. I tell him he’s not faster than me, and we have a friendly race doing whatever it is that needs to be done. So we will set a timer and perform animal crawls, star jumps, and similar short bursts of full body movements. Functional exercises for short periods of time are great for everyone, not just children on the Autism Spectrum!

Family field day. Sandbell tossing, hurdles, jumps, even sack races… there is nothing wrong with a little family competition! We’ll even get the dogs involved (Malamutes LOVE to pull things!). I am making the ribbons tomorrow – very excited!

Replace the mini trampoline. It’s been a while since our old one broke. Why have I never replaced it?  This is a good object to always have available to alleviate any short bursts that come unexpectedly.

Weekly yoga. There are so many benefits to practicing yoga, especially for Autism. We both loved doing this in the past – once again it’s funny how bad habits seem to have much easier “sticking” power than things that are good for us!

Exploring new parks. We are very fortunate to live in a county that has over 120 parks and recreation centers. Why are we sitting at home? Time to say no to some of those freelance clients that need things yesterday, turn off Law & Order (love me some Vincent D’Onofrio!), put the iPhone on airplane mode and go PLAY. We can even make a park rating document and map – why not turn it into “research”?

How does regular movement really help?

It’s been proven that children (and adults!) perform better after they’ve moved around. Regular physical activity helps your child:

  • Maintain focus for longer periods
  • Feel better about himself and his abilities
  • Put multiple commands together with cues
  • Confidently participate in new things
  • Get in better shape

Fitness boosts confidence, independence, and self-esteem, plus it teaches goal setting. Speech targets, communication, and behavioral targets can also be incorporated into your daily movement breaks. Remember, no expensive, large equipment is needed!

This is my Spring commitment to my children and myself. I set an example daily with the intense early morning workouts I do at home; however they never see me simply moving for fun, other than walking the dogs.

Join me in this Spring movement… “movement”. Remember, sharing this goal with your child will benefi­t the entire family – it sets everyone up for long-term health and fi­tness. Tell me how you plan to move more with your child by commenting below or sharing it on the SOA Facebook page! I love fresh ideas!

Round Two of Sound Training – My Son’s New Gains

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We’ve successfully completed our second round (“intensive”) of Sound Training and I am once again blown away by my son’s progress. It wasn’t until I sat down to create his update that I realized just how many new gains I’ve observed in the past few weeks.

During the “off time”, his brain is integrating all the changes that were created during his Listening Time. Remember, children may have different rates of integration when it comes to seeing noticeable gains. It is a process – not an overnight miracle!

You can check out the list of gains (and what I thought might be regression!) I saw after his first intensive here.

What’s new since then?

  • Traveled for 7.5 hours in someone else’s car (with his immediate family and family friend) with no meltdowns or major issues (whoa! No seat kicking, bathroom catastrophes or tantrums!)
  • Interacted with a family friend – engaged her in games and conversation (he acted calm and polite, using manners and asking lots of questions – bravo!)
  • Took direction from family friend (responded favorably when asked to quiet loud voices or stop a behavior)
  • Rode his first “big person” roller coaster without fear (and what a ride to choose as a first! Dangling from the car, suspended horizontally… loops and craziness ensued!)
  • Looks to me for facial expressions/reaction/approval when he’s about to exhibit a behavior or perform an action (this is HUGE! The entire thought process of ‘will Mom get mad if I do this?’ was never present. He was simply incapable of processing a connection like that. I can’t be more thrilled.)
  • Brought two Cs up to As and Bs on fourth quarter report card (yeah!)
  • Started asking me questions about his Autism – wants to learn more, recognizes that he is not his diagnosis (his brain is really hungry to learn, not just soak up extraneous video game facts)
  • Willingness to help – will bring objects to or do favors for others (again – whoa! He even gets something from another room for his older sister if she asks!)
  • Desires more independence – makes own breakfast at times, somewhat dresses himself more often (this is extremely exciting for me. I sometimes forget how much I have to do for him until I take a step back and realize that it is atypical for a child his age)
  • Continues to create flipnote videos with more expressions and emotions in the scenarios (not just aping his favorite characters)
  • Was able to participate in the birth process and early rearing of six puppies until five were adopted out (this would have been a very unsafe and unsettling situation if he hadn’t made this incredible progress)
  • Is gentle and caring with the puppy we kept (I still have to keep a close watch, but he is interacting with animals much more appropriately than he had with previous pets)
  • Is a lot more expressive, which of course is not always an ideal situation for ME even though it is good for him to be in touch with his feelings (I’m BORED! Will this EVER END? I don’t WANT TO!)

All in all, I can’t WAIT to see what’s next, as the struggles are falling away from him like layers of skin shed and his true personality starts to really shine.

Don’t forget! If you want to hear more about Sound Training IN PERSON and you’re in the Atlanta area, come to An Evening Seminar with Angie Marshall… click here for the deets!

In other news…

I had my first mission as a volunteer Bike Medic with the Fire Department at the PDK Good Neighbor Day Air Show Saturday. I trained hard for this during the month of May and was absolutely honored to be able to serve my community as a First Responder in this capacity. I’m in a world of hurt currently, but it is the pain of accomplishment, so I’ll survive :)

How Does Fitness Help My Child With Autism?

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I don’t know about you, but for the past four years I’ve been trying to get my child involved in an extra-curricular activity, achieving less than stellar results. At age four, even before an Autism diagnosis, I knew he had an extraordinary amount of energy to burn and his sister was in Karate. It made sense to me to get him started in the youngest group. I thought it would teach him focus and give him an outlet for some of that energy. HA! Nice try, Mom. He was kicked out in the first two minutes of his first class, and asked never to return even as a spectator for his older sis. OY!

Since then, we’ve tried some easy sports, Cub Scouts, even a cooking class (an energetic child on the Autism spectrum with sharp objects… what was I thinking?!?!). It all boils down to the same issues: lack of coordination, lack of focus, too much energy, inability to be patient and wait his turn, unable to understand what is expected of him, sensory overload, gross motor deficits, and just plain behavior issues sometimes.

I’ve always made allowances (and excuses) for why we can’t participate in the same things as some of his neurotypical friends do. But now he’s 8 and he still can’t ride a bike. We will be trying piano lessons (a natural gift for him), but that still doesn’t solve any of the above named issues.

You ask, “Don’t they get fitness in gym class?” Not really. In fact, many schools have even CUT physical education from their curriculum due to budget cuts and increased focus on test scores! And sports (as I’ve experienced) are really hard to participate in when you can’t master basic, foundational moves or stay on task long enough to understand what to do.

Using my background of Autism Research and Fitness along with the mentorship of Eric Chessen (Autism Fitness), I adapted and developed a fun and effective way to help my child’s long-term skills in fitness and movement. The right fitness movements have an amazing ripple effect on the whole family. Here are some things that have improved in my child already, and will continue to do so as I work with him further:

Self-esteem and confidence. He sees himself being successful at the movements and courses we set up and it makes him want to try new things. He knows it’s a safe place to not quite get it right.

Coordination. His balance and posture have improved greatly since we started. He used to actually lean to one side and not be able to even stand on one foot! Now look at him go!

Sensory issues. His favorite fitness moves offer a wonderful sensory break from an overload or meltdown. The best part? Most of them can be done in a small space using just his body weight!

Attending. He can now stay focused longer when asked to do something, including waiting his turn! He’s far from perfect, but my motto is progress not perfection.

Goal setting. He finally understands the process of being unable to complete something and how practice leads to the mastering of a skill. This is huge!

Independence. He now takes pride in setting up his own mini obstacle course for us to do together. He can even create one for his peers to try!

Overall health and fitness level. Face it, getting up and moving is good for the whole family, even if you can just do a little bit! Turn off the TV, hide the DSi, take the batteries out of the Wii remote, and go outside and PLAY :)

Contact me to find out how I can also help your child succeed using Fitness 4 Autism! It’s really fun for the entire family!