Tag Archives: travel

2014-12-28 13.37.32

How My Son Leveled Up in New York

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2014-12-28 13.37.32Happy New Year! A week ago we successfully and smoothly returned from a week in New York and New Jersey. Somehow we survived the 15-hour drive (no stops other than to gas up and stretch) each way with grace. And without killing each other.

So what do you get when you combine a single mom, a rental car, two special needs teens, a long-ass drive and a week of new experiences?

PROGRESS! That’s right, my (not so) little man leveled up in innumerable ways. This was my true Christmas gift and I am beyond astounded and grateful. Here are some of the awesome discoveries and moments of progress that occurred:

 An Eye for Beauty

Our initial journey took us from Atlanta to New Jersey via I-77 and I-81. We were2014-12-28 13.35.27 in the middle of Virginia at the PERFECT time of day and saw the most pristine and beautiful skies. I had never before heard my son describe things that were beautiful to him – I wasn’t even aware that he had an eye for such things. Not only could he not stop talking about the views and the heavenly cloud formations, but he took more than 200 photos with his iPhone! This interest grew exponentially as we traveled over various bridges from New Jersey into New York throughout our vacation. He captured scenes from a really unique perspective… perhaps a higher resolution camera is in his near future!

Embracing His Goofiness

J-Bird developed another related camera skill during this time – taking unflattering selfies. He made some of the strangest faces and proceeded to take selfies and assign ridiculously appropriate and hilarious hashtags to accompany them. And they say people with Autism have no sense of humor. Incorrect. It was glorious to see him be unapologetically himself and make others genuinely laugh in the process.

Independence Day

This may seem like no big deal to many, but any little steps toward independence are celebrated heartily in our house (or hotel room, in this case). Perhaps it was the new surroundings that encouraged him, but for the first time my son was able to wash his own hair in the shower. This success seemed to feed his confidence and he began dressing himself as well! It can be so challenging as parents to watch our gifted children perform amazing and independent feats in other areas, such as computer programming, yet struggle with daily hygiene tasks. This was huge.

New Communication

The morning of our hotel check out, my son and I went down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast, as we did most mornings. However, on this day it was downright MOBBED. It was New Year’s Day and there was a huge Asian tour group there as well as in influx of new guests from the night before. People were swarming around like bees, many of the menu items he had grown accustomed to were sold out, and it was LOUD. I repeatedly asked him to grab a pl2014-12-28 08.21.18ate from the food bar so I could try and get the last two pieces of bread for him to toast and he wasn’t moving. Instead of his normal response to such an overwhelming environment (verbal stimming, complete shutdown, crashing into me, etc.) he simply looked at me and said, “I feel really uncomfortable around all these people.” WHAT? Who was this well-spoken young man before me? I was SO proud of him. I immediately told him that I understood and ushered him to a table. I plugged his headphones into his iPhone and told him to watch a video while I navigated around the food area and got him what he needed.

Why So Many Level Ups?

This is all great news for us, and I’m sure you can relate to some of them or have hope for similar types of progress in your home. But it wouldn’t be fair to just share our success… here’s what I think led up to them:

Time Away

This was our first family vacation in many, many years. Since we acquired our2014-12-27 16.02.10 copy huskies. It was long overdue. Taking time away from the “chiseled in stone” daily rituals can sometimes provide a boost in new perspectives and abilities. I’m so glad I created this opportunity for us to get away. Keep in mind, though, that we quickly established some new routines while we were there, so it’s not like we went from the daily grind to complete spontaneity. Little things like going downstairs for breakfast together helped him stay focused and feel safe. The one morning I took the kids to the diner instead of just him and I having our normal breakfast created some real problems for him, so I had to really ascertain from his body language what should be routine and what can be free and spontaneous activity. Which leads us right into the next one…

Listening

I acknowledged that our quaint breakfast together was important to him each morning, so we went back to that for his sake. I was constantly watching for cues when it came to what he could handle and when he had enough of something. In one situation, he was in full meltdown mode and we were not in a place where we could leave, so I had to adapt and overcome! I created a small, quiet corner for him in the museum store and let the girls go off on their own for a bit while I stayed with him. These little things helped him feel heard and understood, and that made it easier for everyone.

Being Prepared and Being Flexible

I tried to think of all possible scenarios and issues when it came to planning this trip. I even planned to NOT plan some days so we could survey everyone’s mood and not be locked into an itinerary of sorts. So of course it was great for me to have familiar attachment items with us – even when he said he didn’t want to bring them – as well as many of the tools I mentioned in previous posts for travel. But some things just turn out differently no matter how much planning goes into it. For instance, I bought a travel charger for my laptop and brought several DVDs for him to watch in the car during our drive. Guess what. He wanted to watch live streams on YouTube. It’s a good thing I found out what he was doing when I did, because I had to call our wireless provider and purchase a wildly larger data plan so we didn’t have overage penalties!! But this kept him occupied when he wasn’t taking selfies and scenery photos. On the flip side, he didn’t want to bring his Mario plush but I ran back in the house and grabbed it at the last minute. This item was by far the most used throughout the entire week.

Encouragement

When I learned of his new photography skills I encouraged and complimented him. And they were really good, too! Sure, it was a bit much to get shown each of the 200+ photos every time he snapped one. Many of them were extremely similar. But I looked at them all and found something unique to say about each one. I also encouraged his independence but did not push him into something he was not ready to do or uncomfortable with.

As a result of these decisions or actions on my part, my son achieved some awesome new skills… something we may never have discovered if we didn’t take a crazy drive to New York.

Over to You…

In what ways can you shake up your routine a bit and see how your child responds? You just might be surprised at what’s possible with a little preparedness, flexibility, listening and encouragement!

 

spirit of autism holiday stress

Holidays and Autism: Help Your Child Stress Less

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spirit of autism holiday stressChristmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

As beautiful an image as this conjures up, this isn’t always the same Christmas experience felt by children on the Autism spectrum, especially those with sensory processing issues. Although the idea of gifts, snow and yummy treats sound exciting to your ASD child, the holiday experience can be extremely overwhelming. Rather than soft and beautiful, it could look and sound more like this to your child:

So what can you do to help alleviate your child’s holiday stress? Here are some common causes of holiday anxiety and what to do about them.

Over the top decorations. Flashing lights, musical wreaths, tinsel everywhere… it’s a Christmas wonderland to you but it could be a Christmas nightmare for your child.

Before choosing the blinky, flashy (stroke-inducing) light strings, you can first take your child to the store or to someone else’s home to see how they respond to similar decorations. Get them involved in the process, too! Allow them to interact with the decorations and help choose where they will go. It also helps to decorate in stages over the course of a week rather than having your house suddenly go from the safe haven your child knows to an overwhelming environment.

Family gatherings and routine disruptions. Whether you’re having company or going to a relative’s for holiday festivities, both involve a disruption to the schedule you worked so hard to keep with your child. Visual schedules and social stories can prepare for this disruption and help your child know what to expect.

If you’re having company, make sure your child has a quiet space to retreat to. Explain to relatives and other children that your child is in “quiet time” (not the same as time out!) and will come out when he or she is ready to play again. If the quiet space is your child’s room, consider having a special sign that can be hung on the doorknob that alerts visitors that “do not disturb time” is in progress.

If you’re going to someone else’s home, have an exit strategy! From personal experience I will tell you – DO NOT rely on anyone else for a ride home if your child has had enough for the day. Work with the host to establish a quiet space ahead of time and let the other guests know that regular breaks may be needed for your child. You also may want to pack some back up foods in case you have a picky eater or a child with food allergies. I’m about to experience this with a sibling I haven’t seen in almost a decade. He decided to have a big family ham dinner when we arrive in NY. I have one picky teen that eats four SPECIFIC foods only (none of which are on the menu), one with extreme food sensitivities, and then there’s me, who no longer eats meat or animal products. Should be an interesting gathering :)

Gift confusion. Does your family put gifts under the tree before the big day? If so, you may find a surprise – your child may open them early, and they may open everyone’s! Prepare your child for family gift traditions. Let your child play Santa and hand out the gifts to all the guests and family members – a busy mind and hands help keep temptation to open early at bay! Also, if your family takes turns opening (not everyone annihilating the packages at once), passing around a special ornament will help signal to your child whose turn it is.

Your child turns into a whirling dervish during travel. Yes, this has happened to me. In fact, before social media was popular, a certain airline actually asked us NEVER TO RETURN when we deboarded the plane. It was insane.

Driving has also been challenging. Although I am more in control of stops, breaks and other issues during a road trip, it can still  go awry (and has). Here are some things that really saved my bacon:

  • Noise blocking headphones for the trip
  • Personal audio headphones for a handheld game system, portable DVD player, iPad or laptop
  • Approved snacks and drinks that didn’t contribute to hyperactivity and digestive issues
  • A visual schedule of what to expect once we arrived and during our stay
  • A few sensory “fidget” items for him to calm himself with
  • A nature app, DVD, or CD to play at the hotel at night for winding down
  • Frequent stops to get out and stretch

Next week I am driving my children to New York/New Jersey from Atlanta. That’s 12-14 hours, depending on food, bathroom and stretching breaks. You can bet your sweet bippy I’ll be packing all of these things and employing many of the tips I’m sharing with you!

Over to you. What holiday tips keep the stress level down in your Autism household? Share by commenting below!

Trippin’ Over Road Trip FAIL

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So… what do you get when you cross a small Ford Focus, three children (one of which likes her music LOUD), a 125+ lb. Alaskan Malamute in heat, a child with Autism and Sensory Processing issues, and a last-minute four-hour road trip? Road trip FAIL.

At least I can laugh about it now. Let’s hope my son can, too!

You see, I knew better. I KNOW better. I post daily inspiring tips, quotes, and updates on Facebook and Twitter about how to prepare for doing virtually ANYTHING with your Autistic child. Yet, here I was – frenzied, overbooked, and trying to leave town at the last minute – totally unprepared.

The problem? I didn’t arm him with any necessary tools or supports against the boredom of a long trip, his sister’s loud music, being cramped and unable to stretch out when his body needed it, the lack of available favorite snacks and drinks on the road, the chaos of a hotel room, and the absence of a schedule while there.

The result? A child that screamed, threw toys around, harassed the dog, twisted himself up in his seat belt, and repeatedly kicked the back of the driver’s seat while I was trying to safely operate our vehicle. In the hotel he was hyper, loud, and severely discombobulated when it came to what he expected would happen while we were there.

What my daughter, her friend and I saw and were annoyed by, of course, can’t possibly compare to the discomfort, frustration, and confusion he experienced from being thrust into this situation unarmed. Oh, and when you ask your child if they want to bring their favorite supports and they say “no” – PACK THEM ANYWAY! They don’t know that they will need them!

So here’s a look back at what I could have done right (and will do next time!):

Weigh it out

I was so concerned with getting on the road on time that I did not prepare. How long would it really have taken for me to pack additional items and take the time to talk to him about what was happening? How much time would it have added to our trip to make a few more stops? I’m sure the dog would have appreciated it, too!

For a few extra minutes of planning and preparing, I could have avoided frustration for all of us during this trip. LESSON LEARNED!