spirit of autism holiday stress

Holidays and Autism: Help Your Child Stress Less

spirit of autism holiday stressChristmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. ~Norman Vincent Peale

As beautiful an image as this conjures up, this isn’t always the same Christmas experience felt by children on the Autism spectrum, especially those with sensory processing issues. Although the idea of gifts, snow and yummy treats sound exciting to your ASD child, the holiday experience can be extremely overwhelming. Rather than soft and beautiful, it could look and sound more like this to your child:

So what can you do to help alleviate your child’s holiday stress? Here are some common causes of holiday anxiety and what to do about them.

Over the top decorations. Flashing lights, musical wreaths, tinsel everywhere… it’s a Christmas wonderland to you but it could be a Christmas nightmare for your child.

Before choosing the blinky, flashy (stroke-inducing) light strings, you can first take your child to the store or to someone else’s home to see how they respond to similar decorations. Get them involved in the process, too! Allow them to interact with the decorations and help choose where they will go. It also helps to decorate in stages over the course of a week rather than having your house suddenly go from the safe haven your child knows to an overwhelming environment.

Family gatherings and routine disruptions. Whether you’re having company or going to a relative’s for holiday festivities, both involve a disruption to the schedule you worked so hard to keep with your child. Visual schedules and social stories can prepare for this disruption and help your child know what to expect.

If you’re having company, make sure your child has a quiet space to retreat to. Explain to relatives and other children that your child is in “quiet time” (not the same as time out!) and will come out when he or she is ready to play again. If the quiet space is your child’s room, consider having a special sign that can be hung on the doorknob that alerts visitors that “do not disturb time” is in progress.

If you’re going to someone else’s home, have an exit strategy! From personal experience I will tell you – DO NOT rely on anyone else for a ride home if your child has had enough for the day. Work with the host to establish a quiet space ahead of time and let the other guests know that regular breaks may be needed for your child. You also may want to pack some back up foods in case you have a picky eater or a child with food allergies. I’m about to experience this with a sibling I haven’t seen in almost a decade. He decided to have a big family ham dinner when we arrive in NY. I have one picky teen that eats four SPECIFIC foods only (none of which are on the menu), one with extreme food sensitivities, and then there’s me, who no longer eats meat or animal products. Should be an interesting gathering :)

Gift confusion. Does your family put gifts under the tree before the big day? If so, you may find a surprise – your child may open them early, and they may open everyone’s! Prepare your child for family gift traditions. Let your child play Santa and hand out the gifts to all the guests and family members – a busy mind and hands help keep temptation to open early at bay! Also, if your family takes turns opening (not everyone annihilating the packages at once), passing around a special ornament will help signal to your child whose turn it is.

Your child turns into a whirling dervish during travel. Yes, this has happened to me. In fact, before social media was popular, a certain airline actually asked us NEVER TO RETURN when we deboarded the plane. It was insane.

Driving has also been challenging. Although I am more in control of stops, breaks and other issues during a road trip, it can still  go awry (and has). Here are some things that really saved my bacon:

  • Noise blocking headphones for the trip
  • Personal audio headphones for a handheld game system, portable DVD player, iPad or laptop
  • Approved snacks and drinks that didn’t contribute to hyperactivity and digestive issues
  • A visual schedule of what to expect once we arrived and during our stay
  • A few sensory “fidget” items for him to calm himself with
  • A nature app, DVD, or CD to play at the hotel at night for winding down
  • Frequent stops to get out and stretch

Next week I am driving my children to New York/New Jersey from Atlanta. That’s 12-14 hours, depending on food, bathroom and stretching breaks. You can bet your sweet bippy I’ll be packing all of these things and employing many of the tips I’m sharing with you!

Over to you. What holiday tips keep the stress level down in your Autism household? Share by commenting below!

SOA Wake Up Call

A Bad Dream or a Wake Up Call?

SOA Wake Up CallI had a nice article lined up for you today about Minecraft and life skills, but something happened to me this morning that I felt HAD to share with you. It’s a very personal experience and I’m really baring it all… I hope you don’t mind.

I awakened at 3 am, which has been happening for nearly three weeks for some reason. I performed my newly created middle-of-the-night rituals: glass of water, briefly let the dogs out, interacted with my teens (who are still up at that hour!), and became wrapped up in an episode of Law and Order SVU, which always seems to be airing on one of the crime channels in my cable rotation.

Trying to fall asleep to a crime drama is another story, so when panic set in about how much slumber I could squeeze in before my 5 am alarm I switched to the “Soundscapes” music channel and tried desperately to quiet my mind.

During that time I had an experience that rocked my very core.

I was fading in and out of sleep – you know that place where you’re dreaming but still aware of sounds and activity in your environment? That sort of sleep “purgatory”, if you will.

In the first part of the short dream, someone was outside our living room window, mowing our lawn, and the dogs were alert and circling like they do when a stranger is near our property. I remember thinking that my landlord had just mowed (which was true), so who was this person mowing my yard for a second time this week? Especially in December?

At this point, I could feel myself hyperventilating a bit in real life, sort of like when you’re dreaming that someone’s chasing you and you wake up out of breath – your body believes your dreams are real and tends to respond accordingly.

The next segment of the dream paralleled real life: I was lying in my bed trying to get back to sleep before my alarm went off. I was relaxing and drifting… then a wave of paralysis washed over me and I was sinking fast into darkness.

I liken this feeling to a time when I was hospitalized for a bad reaction to a diet pill and was given morphine in my IV to calm my racing heart. I felt the same paralysis wash over me and I couldn’t STAND it. I felt like I had no control of my body and was slipping away fast. How do people get addicted to that stuff, anyway? Who would want to feel so out of control voluntarily?

In the dream I was now falling fast into unconsciousness and I knew deep inside that if I gave in to it I would transition to the non-physical world. I tried to yell, “NO!” and violently shake myself out of it, but no words came. My head was made of cement and my eyelids were unbearably heavy.

I looked at the wall and saw a symbol of a dove SOA dove symbolappear (similar the kind you see in a Catholic church). I knew this meant death was here to collect me. “NO! Wake up NOW! I want to live!” I desperately tried to reason with my body.

More drifting. Panic. Fear. Fighting to keep my spirit anchored in my physical form… I could feel it stretching and rising and I was not ready. I AM NOT READY. I have so much work to do here. My children would go to into foster care. My dogs would get sent to a kill shelter. No. NO!

I managed to open my eyes and on the wall again briefly appeared a light blue poster that revealed a funny stick person and seven words: Appreciate Life One Day at a Time.

I yelled, “I will. I WILL!” My voice was back. And my alarm was going off.

I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge waking up to reclaim his life on Christmas. Not quite as joyful (yet!), but definitely resigned to looking at the choices I’ve made: the ones that are making me stressed, angry, and feeling hopeless these days.

“But this is an Autism Blog… how does this help me with my child?”

I learn from my beautiful boy every day. Perhaps two of the biggest lessons I keeping forgetting are these:

He lives in the NOW

He is wired for his own happiness

Due to my myriad freelance jobs we don’t currently have days off or vacation time, but he is happy. He Skypes with children all over the world. He sings, hums and laughs all day long. When he feels a surge of energy he gets up and runs around. When he feels mellow he shuts down his computer and draws. When he wants connection he hugs me and tells me he loves me. When he is hungry, he eats.

He does not compare himself to other children or worry about what people think of him. If someone is mistreating him, he simply chooses not to be around them. He doesn’t have a committee in his head that debates and struggles between letting someone down, putting himself last and building resentment because of it, and getting his needs met. He seeks pleasure and avoids pain. He is true to his gifts and strengths and accepts his shortcomings but doesn’t give up on improving them.

Was this experience this morning a wake up call for me to start living in the now? Stop putting myself last? Stop feeling so damned depressed (the holidays are the hardest for me every year)? Get more serious about my training work in the Autism community so I can be more fulfilled and present for my children? Make room for and attract friends and a support network?

What do you think? Was it real or just a dream? Either way, there was a message in it. Have you had any experience like this? I’d love to hear your thoughts or personal stories! Share by commenting below, on the SOA Facebook page, or by privately dropping me a line.

autism verbal stim

Some Mornings Feel Like 17 Levels of…

The other morning, before I even had a chance to hit snooze at 4:35, I woke up to this:

Click to hear (speakers DOWN!)

It proceeded for four and a half hours, until I left for work.

Trying to get out of bed, my son was standing over me making these very loud, bizarre noises.

Getting the three malamutes leashed up and ready for their morning walk, my son was trying to ride them and screamed the noises in their faces.

While I was preparing his breakfast, he would sneak up behind me and scream the noises so I jumped and spilled his food.

During my entire workout he would jump on my back, grab my leg, stand on my back while I was doing pushups, and fight with the dogs… all while making non-stop noises.

Whilst in the shower he would constantly open the curtain and scream (it echoes! Oh boy… even louder!) the noises.

Applying my makeup.

Getting dressed.

Making coffee.

Packing lunches.

Preparing the dogs’ treats.

Yes, four and a half hours. Of course, I was in rushing deadline mode, not patient parent mode, so I made the situation worse.

As I was leaving for the office, he immediately sat down and began composing beautiful original music on his DSi XL. Huh? Then he had the temerity to say to me, “Mom, it seems like you have your feathers in a bunch today.”

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So what was going on?

I wish I knew. I wish I had a distinct checklist or pattern that would solve for “x” (the noises).

It could have been something he ate or drank before I got up (clearly he was awake before my 4:30 alarm) that caused a reaction.

Maybe this was an extension of sensory-seeking behavior.

Maybe it was verbal stimming due to something was worrying him – a change in a pattern or schedule (he recently had some issues with visitation and his father).

Maybe he was bored.

Maybe he wanted attention.

Maybe he was just having an off day – we all have them. Children with Autism (and puberty!) may not intuitively know how to channel “bad day” energy.

What I do know is this: had I stopped for five minutes and employed one of the tools I normally pull out of my “patient parent toolbox”, I’m sure the morning would have gone differently. I’m not saying the behavior would have stopped completely, but here are some ways I could have redirected him:

  • Invited him to join me on any of the physical activities of the morning, like the dog walk or intervals (jumping jacks, jump rope, running in place, squats)
  • Taken a yoga break
  • Engaged him in a one-on-one activity that he loves (Hangman, Picto-chat, Uno)
  • Played a sensory game
  • Had a protein snack
  • Did an EFT tapping session
  • Designated a “screaming” area of the house where it’s okay to let it all out

These are all quick, simple ways to break the pattern of the morning. I, on the other hand, became stressed, got aggravated, and let the panic of being late overtake me. I got to work feeling like I wanted to carve out my intestines and strangle someone with them. Imagine how he felt, having all this energy in his body and not knowing how to get it out without getting in trouble!

Lesson learned. Sometimes we have to experience 17 levels downward before we can “level up”.

What about you? Have you seen a behavior recently that made you pull your hair out? What did you do about it? What could you have done differently? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments below or on the SOA Facebook page!

You Hate My Autism!

Some of you may have seen my recent “controversial” question I posted about a startling conversation I had with my son. I asked anyone who felt comfortable to share with me your thoughts and experiences surrounding the topic and I received an overwhelming response! Thank you to every single person who chose to chime in via Twitter, Facebook, or email. I am grateful for your unique perspectives and I’d like to share some of them here.

Here’s the original short post again:

I recently had an extensive evaluation done for my son with a cutting edge, holistic achievement center. The program offered is intense and lengthy but convinced me that my son would be able to reverse most of his balance/coordination/motor skills issues, digestive issues, academic imbalances and sensory challenges.

I asked my son later if this program sounded fun and exciting to him, and if he would like to start. He immediately blurted out, “You hate my Autism. You want my Autism to go away.”

Wow. Not what I expected from my 10 year-old. But I hear him loud and clear.

I am not trying to change who he is at all. I want only the best for him, and felt it my parental duty to merely CONSIDER whether or not a program that can help him open up to his abilities without much of the struggle would be in his best interest. If it worked, of course.

What do you think? I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what I should do, what I want to hear from you is how you feel about your OWN situation.

Would relieving some of the struggles = changing who your child is or who you are in your opinion? Does it mean you don’t accept them, or are you empowering them with new tools?

Is trying to help your Autistic child DENYING who he/she is?

With all of your permission, I’ve chosen some of the key points of some of your responses that I wanted to share.

Robert said:

“I think it’s a tough balance. When people ask me if I want to be ‘cured,’ I have to admit I have a hard time not taking offense. To me, it’s like asking me if I want to be cured of my skin color, Autism being so definitive a part of my identity as a whole person.

Still, are there things with which I know I need help? Of course, but I don’t want that help to come at a cost of who I am. I also don’t want those interventions to define so much of the time in my life that I feel I’m not allowed to be myself.”

You can find more about Robert at simplyrobert.wordpress.com where he occasionally blogs about Autism, but more often about his Autistic interests. (I think it’s a great resource! Love the post on productivity!)

Another Autistic adult reminded me that an important aspect to consider is where the Autistic person might be coming from.  My eyes were opened to some really great points that I absolutely had to share with you:

“We live in a world that is not only ‘not made for people like us,’ but openly hostile to our differences. We are told, ‘Stop rocking!  Stop flapping!  Stop talking to yourself!’ without any consideration of what purpose these activities serve.

When we are bullied or mistreated, WE are the ones sent to ‘social skills training’ so we can ‘learn how to fit in’, as if it’s our fault for being so different. But I want to illustrate the general environment we face, and my point is that it can cause us to see ANY attempt to help as yet another way of squelching the person inside.

There are also people who feel that their Autistic traits are very much part of who they are, and taking them away would also be taking away a piece of themselves, even if that ‘piece’ causes a lot of apparent heartache.”

This reader does various therapies for her children but is careful not to frame them as “helping with Autism,” rather something they do to help them succeed in life (much like going to school or learning their ABCs).

Brilliantly put.

One of my favorite social media friends and fellow bloggers shared:

“Where does my Autism end and where do I begin? This nasty little quandary works just as well when reversed as well. I say your son is brilliant because he’s too young to be so self-aware. I’m both impressed and saddened that he’s already dealing with this one.  He needs more time to mature before tackling such heady stuff.

I confess. I’ve struggled with this one myself. If offered a cure for my own issues, I don’t think I’d take it. I’m not sure how much of me would go with the ‘bad stuff’.  I like some of the stuff that I KNOW a cure would take away.

He has to come to terms with the fact that Autism doesn’t define him.”

That is a fine line that I think must be explored at a pace that is comfortable for each individual.

My close friend in the Fire Rescue Reserve that assists me when I teach my Autism CERT module sent me a heartfelt testimonial after seeing my post:

“For me, through my early teen years after I was diagnosed, I constantly tried to dismiss the fact I had Autism, I felt ashamed, scared, and angry with the fact. At that time in the world little was known to the general public and many doctors about Autism. This in turn made it harder for me to accept. My parents tried many things and none really worked in the end. I had been diagnosed so many times and been to so many doctors I was starting to shut the world out and just didn’t want to accept the fact that I had Autism.

Later on in my late teens and early twenties I found that support group that I had been missing. This group consisted of both friends my age and their families near me. Through the experiences we shared I grew little by little and eventually learned how to deal with my Autism in my own way. These experiences have molded me into who I am today. Today I am finishing my criminal Justice degree. I also am a volunteer with a large metro area fire department which has provided a further opportunity to expand my support group. Through volunteering here I now assist with teaching of the community emergency response team class. This in turn has helped me practice being around people and learning social cues and understanding my Autism. In a big way volunteering has helped reduce the pangs that come with having Autism.”

I always hear great gems of wisdom when I invite his perspective into my teachings.

A wonderful parent told me:

“When my son was diagnosed with PDD, initially, as his Mom and as a clinical social worker, I wanted to get him all the help and services I possibly could! I had heard how early intervention was SO important and he was only diagnosed at age 6. So, I made sure we got an IEP, got him into a friendship group at school and a social skills group privately. I also got him OT to help with the sensory integration issues. I have to admit, although this was helpful in the beginning, this packed our schedule and we all felt extremely overbooked and stressed!

…my perspective began to change. I started placing him in supportive activities that he enjoys and feels help him. We continued the social skills group, but let the OT go (after a year of treatment), and instead, he joined a non-competitive swim team. The swim team allows my son to feel included in a sport, he may never win a race, but that doesn’t matter, to me what matters is that he feels like one of the other boys, included! I have since looked for other ways he can “fit in” with other kids, instead of looking for services specific to his diagnosis.

…we have accepted that our son will be different, it’s who he is and I really don’t want to change that, but, like you I want the best for him and don’t want to see him struggle too much. The older he gets, he’ll be nine this summer, the more I have been letting go and allowing him to learn more for himself about what is helpful to him. I have begun trusting in his ability to know what is best for him, as I don’t have the same issues he has.”

What a great reminder. At 10, I forget that he is aware of what serves him. Not to mention that the children coming forth today really are so much more connected to their inner “GPS” of what they want and need than we ever were!

Another social media friend I admire wrote:

“Tough question. Complex answer. I understand your desire to ‘normalize’ your son as much as is possible. There are things you describe that have real effect on us and our ability to live happy and fulfilling lives. This much cannot be denied.

On the other hand, we are what we are. While my Autism has handed me some wonderful abilities, it has also granted me vast lacuna in other abilities.

Still. . . Autism is not something added to a normal person. Autism is not something removed from a normal person. Autism is a large set of differences between one group of persons and everyone else.

Autism is identity which runs deeper than a name. Autism is what I am, it is the base upon which I build me.

…here is the key: the real indicator here, the only valid indicator, is your son’s voicing of his opinion.

Thank you for that reinforced point. He would not have expressed an opinion if he didn’t feel it strongly!

Another mom shared:

“A parent’s job is to help our children flourish, to become the best that they can be! I totally get that. I too try my best to help my son in anyway I can, without extremes…

As far as helping him with his balance/coordination/motor skills, in the long run, that is definitely going to benefit him. He will be able to take part in more ways when it comes to playing, maybe get picked to play with other kids, so I can see where that would help him.

If it were my son, I would let him have a say in the decision. Ask him why he does or doesn’t want to participate, get his point of view, and take it into consideration. Since it is about him, and it is his Autism.”

WOW! What amazing responses!

All this being said, we chose not to participate in that program. I also chose to check my perspective and make sure that I am in complete acceptance and appreciation for who both my children are when I engage with them. At all times. It has made a difference.

Am I giving up on finding additional tools and resources for him? No. After all I am always looking for tools, supports and resources for my daughter AND myself! It’s a journey. As Abraham-Hicks says, “You never get there. You’re never done.” What I DID give up was the urgency that something must be done to “help.” The inner panic that somehow I am not doing all I can for him.

As soon as I made this shift, this wonderful organization showed up in my inbox. That’s a pretty big wink from The Universe, eh?

My Top 10 Autism Support Tools

As you know, I’ve seen incredible progress in my son during the past five years. I am happy to report that he has never undergone any traditional therapies outside of the home; everything we have done together on this amazing journey was created from my research and personal connections made over Twitter, LinkedIn or Facebook. These connections led to expert interviews and the introduction to some really unique tools that made a huge difference in our lives. Here are my current favorites (in no set order):

Chewelry - Kid Companions is a chewable and wearable fidget that is safe, stylish and effective. It’s the perfect alternative to fidget toys and chewys and worn as “chewelry” is less-than-discreet.

This awesome product keeps my child from destroying costly toys and clothes and actually helps him focus and stay on task!
Calmer By Nature DVDs and CD – With no music or voiceovers – only the raw sounds of nature – the film helps with Stress, Anxiety, Insomnia, Sensory Problems, Alzheimer’s, Dementia, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorders, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, ADHD, and Mental Illnesses. In addition to helping Justin get relaxed at bedtime, it also:

  • Calms him before an outing he may be feeling anxious over
  • Redirects him during times of high stimulation
  • Provides him with short, 10-minute “cool down” times when he needs a sensory break
  • Gives him ideas for drawing and video creation projects
  • Starts conversations about the wildlife we see on the film

Yoga Ball - I bought my yoga ball years ago as part of my never-ending fitness research and it has been such a versatile staple in my home! From traditional use in my fitness routines to my daughter using it as a “dinosaur egg”, my son rolling around on it, and its employment as bedtime proprioceptive tool… it was the best $25 I ever spent!

Many times our evening ritual consists of “hot dog”: rolling him up in a blanket and using the yoga ball for deep compression on his back. We use different patterns as “toppings”; like circles are called onions, vertical rolling is called ketchup, etc. This is an instant calming tool that never disappoints.

Sandbells - These are our favorite fitness accessories when we work outside – we do overhead carries, throws, passes, and much more! They are safer than dumbbells and offer a sensory experience to boot!

DSi XL – Many parents would argue that video game systems are not a support tool. Here’s why I encourage my son’s use of his DSi XL: Flipnotes. He creates videos using an application that mimics old-fashioned, frame-by-frame animation. Sometimes they are 800+ pages long. He then adds music and voices to these videos and posts them in his Flipnote community, where his fellow creators rate and share them. It’s really neat to see the patience and detail that goes into the creation of these animations!

Digestive Enzymes/Probiotics – These are not a replacement for a diet free of gluten and casein (and other common culprits for food sensitivities like soy and corn!), however digestive support is essential in children on the Autism spectrum. There is a direct link between digestion and behavior. To be completely transparent, we are not on a 100% GFCF diet but we do our best! These enzymes and probiotics help step in with support where we fall short with diet alone.

EnListen® - With all the alternative, natural and creative strategies I try at home to help improve my sons symptoms and behavior deficits, the one thing I cannot do for him is change the way he processes sound! Sound Training has been such a gift and blessing in our house. While it is not a magic bullet by any means, the gains I have seen on a physical, cognitive, and adaptive level have been unmatched.

Social Media - As parents we often throw our entire being into helping those we love,  especially our children. The one thing we forget is that we need support, too! I have met some incredible people on unique but similar journeys over social media that I never would have encountered otherwise. I personally want to thank every single person that has connected with me on the social web. Your presence in my life – regardless of capacity or length of time – has made my universe a better place.

Signing Families - Louise is one of my favorite ladies on the Internet! One day we will meet in person and I bet it will be like we’ve known each other for years :) She has been teaching American Sign Language for more than 20 years to families with hearing and non-hearing children, college students, staff at public and private school systems and businesses. She also shares one of my other passions and provides materials to Emergency Responders.

Sign language has opened myriad doors for my son in regard to communication. I believe American Sign Language can give a voice to all who struggle with language for many reasons.

EFT - A little more “alternative” than some other techniques, EFT can help parents overcome limiting beliefs, fears, and frustrations, as well as deal with any grief or overwhelm that accompanies have a special needs child. I have also worked with my son directly and helped him break through a huge block he had with self esteem. It may or may not be for you, but you’ve got nothing to lose if you want to check it out!

Many times we also do EFT while listening to Jeff Gold’s Escapes… another great calming and relaxing CD of original music.

What are your favorite tools? Do you use them at home or outside of the house?

Braving the Public… Meltdowns and “The Look”

I posted a question on Twitter and Facebook last week that stirred quite a few comments! The question was:

Parents: how many times have you gotten “the look” in public places… as if people were saying “Why can’t you control your child?”

The myriad responses I received ranged from “It is so stressful, we don’t even bother anymore” to “I don’t even notice because I don’t care what people think!”.  It was great! You know what? I can relate to every single bit of feedback I received. I have been in all of those places emotionally and even gone so far as to second-guess or blame myself and my parenting skills along the way.

No one said this job was easy. To quote a dear friend of mine, “Parenting is not for weenies.”

I can’t count how many times I’ve had to rapidly exit a grocery store, leaving a full cart, because my child escaped and was running up and down the aisles, screaming and crashing into endcaps. I can’t tell you how many times we spent $70 at the movies only to be kicked out of the theatre before the previews were even over. I can’t recall how many times we had to leave a restaurant, paying for food that never came because of meltdowns. And don’t get me started on how I know the response time of Fire Station 5 so well ;)

I have experienced parents tell me I need to spank or beat (!) my child, I have gotten countless dirty looks from others in public places, I have been told by security officers that I need to “reel in my kid”, and I have been called a bad mother more times than I can remember. It’s not fun. I don’t even want to get into airplane follies!

As a single parent, I don’t have the luxury of another adult when out in public to take my son outside for a sensory break, put him in a time out, or to leave him with at home so I can do the shopping alone. What I also didn’t have until the last few years, though, was knowledge and understanding of Sensory Processing Disorder, a list of key things that set my son off, and tools to help me make the right decisions about taking him out.

I know we can all share horror stories. I’ve probably stifled and suppressed most of mine :) BUT I thought it would be helpful for me to share what we do RIGHT now. Meltdowns these days are minimal, if not completely gone.

Know when the odds are stacked against you. Is it close to nap time? Has your child been stuck inside with no exercise? Did he just have a big, sugary snack? Or is he really hungry? Conversely, are YOU exhausted and sleep-deprived? Squeezing things into your schedule and feeling pressed for time? These are NOT good times to take your child with Autism to the store, restaurant, bank, or any other errands. It may be inconvenient, but it is worth it to wait until all the odds are in your favor so you can handle any situation from a place of calm and grounded peace. When you can respond, not react, it changes everything.

Avoid busy times. Try to go to your favorite places when they are not too crowded. So what if your schedule is different than the rest of the world’s? The extra quiet atmosphere may be totally worth it.

Understand what your child experiences. I used to just see bad behavior. Then I would try to reason with it, yell, lose my patience, bargain with it… yes, these were really effective :) The truth of the  matter is, your child may be under assault by her senses. If you can stand a little bit of bad language, this is a GREAT video to illustrate a meltdown. I love it. Sensory Overload Simulation

You can also read one of my earlier articles, Why Does My Autistic Child Scream?! which helps explain what’s going on neurologically.

Physical exercise first. Taking 5 extra minutes before going out to toss a sandbell with your child, run a quick relay race, do some animal crawls, or just run in place can change their entire mood and energy level for your outing. Fitness creates focus, provides an energy release, and gives your child a nice self-esteem boost along the way!

Anticipate and arm yourself with supports. Bring things like noise-blocking headphones, supermarket bingo, things to draw with, snacks, or even video games if you deem them appropriate. Know where exits are as well as a quiet place to go for a five-minute sensory break if needed. Illustrate clear consequences for misbehavior prior to entering your destination, but also make it clear that breaks and time outs for his body are not the same as being in trouble! It also couldn’t hurt to have a plan B.

Look for flags. You know what it looks like when your child first starts to get overloaded. Don’t wait until the situation spins out of control before addressing it. If possible, give your child choices and encourage her to make the right ones for her. I can now ask my son, “Are you screaming for fun, or does your body hurt?” (sometimes he’s just being a boy!) I’ve had him hold up numbers to tell me where his body is on a meltdown scale – 1 being perfectly fine and 5 being totally out of control.

Compassion. It’s never easy to walk that fine line between disciplining a behavior when your child can clearly help it versus giving them support and understanding when they truly can’t. The bottom line is, we are all doing the best we can. If you think you’re frustrated by a behavior your child exhibits, imagine how he feels getting in trouble for his ears hurting or his nerve endings feeling like they’re on fire. Imagine yourself not being able to tell if you’re standing up straight or falling over, and then getting yelled at for touching the wall and not knowing why. I’m not saying all behavior is okay and should be overlooked, but seeing things through your child’s eyes (or ears, or hands) can instantly melt your frustration into compassion and assistance for your child to step into his best self!

What other public tips and tools work for you? What attitudes have you shifted that changed your experience? I’d love to hear about them!

Product Review: Calmer By Nature DVD

I first became aware of this amazing DVD through a LinkedIn connection with Barry Wheelock. We immediately connected and started talking about the product’s incredible (and surprising) benefits for Autism and Sensory Processing issues.

I invited Barry to speak during my Sensory Integration Teleseminar and received a copy of the 57-minute Calmer By Nature DVD to use at home. This film is pure and stunning nature footage – there are no people, no voiceovers, and no music.

The concept was created to simply relieve stress and anxiety; however it has turned into a powerful therapy supplement for people with Autism, Sensory issues, Dementia, Alzheimers, insomnia, and more. It is reliable, predictable, and safe, which are key elements for special needs patients. It even encourages communication and creates talking points for people that have difficulties with social skills and conversation. It’s also used by some of the top Occupational Therapists to aid with cognitive and behavioral therapy.

I was hoping for mild results at bedtime with my son, who can at times be-bop around like a whirling dervish until all hours of the night despite our best rituals. If the DVD helped that issue alone, it was worth the price!

What I experienced from the product far surpassed my expectations! Yes, it works at bed time just as I had hoped. It also:

  • Calms him before an outing he may be feeling anxious over
  • Redirects him during times of high stimulation
  • Provides him with short, 10-minute “cool down” times when he needs a sensory break
  • Gives him ideas for drawing and video creation projects
  • Starts conversations about the wildlife we see on the film

Surprisingly, my daughter also became an instant fan. She told me that it enhanced her creativity when drawing or writing new stories and helps her overcome her blocks. It’s definitely a nice change from the blaring TV shows that are sometimes over-prevalent in our home :)

For me, I typically have trouble shutting my mind off when I am amidst a task list that is pages long. The overwhelm can feel… well, overwhelming! The film brings me back into the now and offers a reprieve from my mental gymnastics.

In fact, I love this product so much that I am now able to offer it for purchase in the U.S. You can view a three-minute demo here and experience a bit o’ nature magic for yourself! I highly recommend Calmer By Nature for all ages, whether you’re dealing with Autism in your family or just want some stress relief. You won’t be disappointed.

I can’t wait to see the other projects Barry has in the works, including two more films, an Audio CD version, and an iPhone application.