SOA Wake Up Call

A Bad Dream or a Wake Up Call?

SOA Wake Up CallI had a nice article lined up for you today about Minecraft and life skills, but something happened to me this morning that I felt HAD to share with you. It’s a very personal experience and I’m really baring it all… I hope you don’t mind.

I awakened at 3 am, which has been happening for nearly three weeks for some reason. I performed my newly created middle-of-the-night rituals: glass of water, briefly let the dogs out, interacted with my teens (who are still up at that hour!), and became wrapped up in an episode of Law and Order SVU, which always seems to be airing on one of the crime channels in my cable rotation.

Trying to fall asleep to a crime drama is another story, so when panic set in about how much slumber I could squeeze in before my 5 am alarm I switched to the “Soundscapes” music channel and tried desperately to quiet my mind.

During that time I had an experience that rocked my very core.

I was fading in and out of sleep – you know that place where you’re dreaming but still aware of sounds and activity in your environment? That sort of sleep “purgatory”, if you will.

In the first part of the short dream, someone was outside our living room window, mowing our lawn, and the dogs were alert and circling like they do when a stranger is near our property. I remember thinking that my landlord had just mowed (which was true), so who was this person mowing my yard for a second time this week? Especially in December?

At this point, I could feel myself hyperventilating a bit in real life, sort of like when you’re dreaming that someone’s chasing you and you wake up out of breath – your body believes your dreams are real and tends to respond accordingly.

The next segment of the dream paralleled real life: I was lying in my bed trying to get back to sleep before my alarm went off. I was relaxing and drifting… then a wave of paralysis washed over me and I was sinking fast into darkness.

I liken this feeling to a time when I was hospitalized for a bad reaction to a diet pill and was given morphine in my IV to calm my racing heart. I felt the same paralysis wash over me and I couldn’t STAND it. I felt like I had no control of my body and was slipping away fast. How do people get addicted to that stuff, anyway? Who would want to feel so out of control voluntarily?

In the dream I was now falling fast into unconsciousness and I knew deep inside that if I gave in to it I would transition to the non-physical world. I tried to yell, “NO!” and violently shake myself out of it, but no words came. My head was made of cement and my eyelids were unbearably heavy.

I looked at the wall and saw a symbol of a dove SOA dove symbolappear (similar the kind you see in a Catholic church). I knew this meant death was here to collect me. “NO! Wake up NOW! I want to live!” I desperately tried to reason with my body.

More drifting. Panic. Fear. Fighting to keep my spirit anchored in my physical form… I could feel it stretching and rising and I was not ready. I AM NOT READY. I have so much work to do here. My children would go to into foster care. My dogs would get sent to a kill shelter. No. NO!

I managed to open my eyes and on the wall again briefly appeared a light blue poster that revealed a funny stick person and seven words: Appreciate Life One Day at a Time.

I yelled, “I will. I WILL!” My voice was back. And my alarm was going off.

I felt like Ebenezer Scrooge waking up to reclaim his life on Christmas. Not quite as joyful (yet!), but definitely resigned to looking at the choices I’ve made: the ones that are making me stressed, angry, and feeling hopeless these days.

“But this is an Autism Blog… how does this help me with my child?”

I learn from my beautiful boy every day. Perhaps two of the biggest lessons I keeping forgetting are these:

He lives in the NOW

He is wired for his own happiness

Due to my myriad freelance jobs we don’t currently have days off or vacation time, but he is happy. He Skypes with children all over the world. He sings, hums and laughs all day long. When he feels a surge of energy he gets up and runs around. When he feels mellow he shuts down his computer and draws. When he wants connection he hugs me and tells me he loves me. When he is hungry, he eats.

He does not compare himself to other children or worry about what people think of him. If someone is mistreating him, he simply chooses not to be around them. He doesn’t have a committee in his head that debates and struggles between letting someone down, putting himself last and building resentment because of it, and getting his needs met. He seeks pleasure and avoids pain. He is true to his gifts and strengths and accepts his shortcomings but doesn’t give up on improving them.

Was this experience this morning a wake up call for me to start living in the now? Stop putting myself last? Stop feeling so damned depressed (the holidays are the hardest for me every year)? Get more serious about my training work in the Autism community so I can be more fulfilled and present for my children? Make room for and attract friends and a support network?

What do you think? Was it real or just a dream? Either way, there was a message in it. Have you had any experience like this? I’d love to hear your thoughts or personal stories! Share by commenting below, on the SOA Facebook page, or by privately dropping me a line.

autistic child worry

Why Won’t You Go to Sleep?!

9 pm: the witching hour.

This is what a typical night in my house was like. Either the entire bedtime routine was a harrowing struggle or my son would go to bed willingly and get up every 7-1/2 minutes. Yes, really that often. Then, to add insult to injury, he would fall asleep just as my alarm went off at 5 am.

I did all the right things: the warm bath, stories, and bedtime milk… but by day six my “perfect” routine would transform into begging, threatening, bargaining, and sometimes even having a meltdown myself!

The worst part was when he kept me up all night literally bouncing off the walls, screaming, laughing, torturing the dogs, even torturing ME! If I did get to actually go to bed he would come into my room and climb all over me like I was a jungle gym, poke my face, stick his fingers up my nose, bounce on the bed, and giggle obnoxiously for HOURS. I used to think he was an android, because he would seemingly function perfectly the next day as if he required no sleep whatsoever.

It was killing me. Night after night after night after night of no sleep. When sleep deprivation is caused by another, even your innocent child that can’t help himself, the resentment builds and the patience lessens rapidly.

So I did something about it.

Now I want to help you do something about it, too!

It is estimated that between 60% and 80% of Autistic children have difficulty sleeping. This can include trouble falling asleep, restlessness and poor sleep quality, thrashing about, and early rising.

After spending month after month dealing with my son’s erratic and frustrating sleep patterns, I know and understand the challenges, hardships, and heartache associated with sleep deprivation. I also know the extreme health risks associated with sleep deprivation and insomnia, because I was experiencing them, and, even though it didn’t seem that way, so was my child.

After researching, experimenting, playing, and sometimes pulling my hair out, I found some really practical things that shifted our entire bedtime experience and brought sleep and peace back into my home! I was so excited about these solutions that I spent the last few months compiling them into one place so no one else has to live the way we were living night after night.

In my new book, 30 Ways To Get Your Child With Autism to Go to Sleep, I share everything I learned through months of research and trials and tribulations to not only cope with my son’s sleep struggles but to overcome them.

If you would like to learn things like:

✔ Sensory routines that instantly calm

✔ Suggestions for safe supplements to give your child

✔ Foods that may be making your child hyper and keeping him awake

✔ An ancient Chinese massage technique that greatly improves mood, behavior and sleep patterns

✔ How the color of your child’s room may set off unwanted stimulation

✔ Links to helpful resources and more

I encourage you to check out 30 Ways To Get Your Child With Autism to Go to Sleep.

Take back your nights and give yourself the gift of peace of mind and much needed downtime! YOU and your family deserve quality sleep and these tools will help you get it back!

Please share this post with other sleep-deprived families that struggle with bedtime, and send me your comments below or post on the SOA Facebook page to let me know which ones worked best for you!

Autism + Puberty = Oh, Crap!

Got your attention, didn’t I?

We’ve been in a great rhythm for a while now, and it’s been glorious. Rituals and routines: check. Handy sensory tools to take to outings: check. Restricted diet: check. Digestive enzymes: check. Pre-meltdown signs identified and used to head him off at the pass: check.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the pants my 9 year-old son was wearing just a few days earlier were suddenly three inches too short. Did I use the wrong drier setting…? Then I saw acne. Then peach fuzz above his lip.

“Honey? Your voice sounds funny – are you coming down with a cold? Feeling okay?”

Then it hit me like a brick to the back of the head: big P, here we come.

Having a daughter first that went through full puberty at 8 (ACK!) I really didn’t think I had anything to worry about: I thought I had it in the bag. Easy – whiny, emotional, easily irritated, overreacting to things – then a smooth ride until the following month. Of course boys are different, but when you add precocious puberty with a splash of Autism you get an interesting cocktail. The hormones seem to sneak in and reconfigure many of the connections we’ve worked so hard to attain.

What to expect

Unexpected rage over small incidents. Proper magnitude of a situation was always an issue with us. We’ve really come a long way learning appropriate responses, but with some of these reactions it’s as if we’re now starting all over again.

Sleep schedule run amok. There has been a magnified wave of insomnia in our house, followed by 15-16 hour stretches of sleep for no apparent reason. Our old rituals and occasional use of melatonin are now ineffective.

New food likes / dislikes and  bizarre cravings. Good thing I went to Sam’s Club and bought a giant, industrial-sized box of his favorite snack food… that he suddenly hates :) Ugh. I caught him spreading Nutella on a dog biscuit the other day and slapped it out of his hands in panic! The good news? He’s trying new foods. It’s all about perspective. <Kidding – no child in my house eats dog biscuits!!

Lack of appetite followed by devouring a week’s worth of groceries. I know this one is not unique to children on the Spectrum, it’s part of having a t(w)een boy.  I still found myself quite financially unprepared for living with Garfield. Anyone know a good Gluten-Free lasagna recipe?

Being overly affectionate. This is a sticky-wicket, especially because I’m a single mom. There have been some shockingly inappropriate… acts of curiosity… that I’ve swiftly nipped in the bud! I will probably need some more assistance with this topic, however, as my expertise ends with Judy Blume books and creating the perfect chocolate/salt balance about three days out of the month. Calling all male role models… help! STAT!

Exhibiting desires to control family members and pets. For some reason, my boy is getting some sort of payoff from cornering me or his sister and not letting us pass through a room, blocking us from getting something in the kitchen, and mildly terrorizing the puppy. There is an underlying theme for the sudden desire to be the “capo di famiglia” (head of household). Yeah… that’s not gonna happen. Thank you, drive through!

No desire to keep up hygiene. Both my kids exhibited this strange behavior at the onset of puberty. It takes an Act of Congress to get them into the shower more than once a week. I simply can’t relate… but I have to stick to my guns.

Regression of old behaviors. Some of the old impulsivity is rearing its ugly head, along with stimming, toileting accidents, and blurting out loud noises. It really feels as if he is choosing this behavior; it has a deliberate tone to it. However, when disciplined he is honestly surprised that he is in trouble and is truly not sure what he did. The difference now is that he internalizes it and tells everyone he’s stupid. That’s not good.

What do you do?

Open communication. The number one thing you can do is make sure your child feels safe to talk about anything with you. With Autism, you may hear questions and perspectives you’ve never encountered in this arena. It’s so important to keep an open dialogue about what he is experiencing, this will set a solid foundation that will hold up any future issues and surprises with grace.

Rinse and repeat. It takes time to create new habits. 21 consecutive days, actually. Don’t expect your child to embrace these new hormones and feelings without some confusion and resistance. Remain patient and be prepared to explain, instruct, and remind your child about virtually everything. You will be repeating yourself, so get used to it :)

Gently establish new routines and rituals. Don’t cry over what used to work. Life is meant to be fluid. I used to feel like such a failure when I couldn’t command a successful routine 100% of the time. Now my attitude is, “We’re going to try this for a while and see how it goes.” If it stops working, we make small course changes. It took me almost 40 years to learn that small, consistent adjustments make a much more profound impact than the extreme and rigid ways I would try to enforce a schedule I thought “should” work. Not to mention all the energy expended feeling bad about my “shoulds”. Now that energy is freed and I can focus on our next step. The flow is so much nicer!

Exercise! Physical movement is always a priority, but it’s really critical during puberty. We start off each morning with Superbrain Yoga. Since I work out every morning for my own sanity, my son will sometimes mimic what I’m doing (or his version of it). There are currently no structured sports or activities in our repertoire, so walks with the dog, back yard exploring, and regular trips to the neighborhood bouncy house definitely help. When the weather gets a little less infernal we will be trying some more challenging activities.

Find a creative outlet. If you have a child with Autism, I’m sure you are no stranger to their current obsession. Rather than meeting it with resistance because YOU think the interest is excessive, try expanding on it. For example, my child lives, breathes, and eats Super Mario Brothers. We’ve found a computer program that goes above and beyond playing the various games: he gets to create custom levels. He puts them to music, assigns characters, powers, scenes, dialogue, and criteria to his games like he’s been designing all his life. What an awesome gift!

Establish ‘mommy time’ boundaries. Now more than ever it is imperative that you carve out sacred time for yourself. You may feel selfish and neglectful when you first attempt this, especially if you work. But the benefits are two-fold: you are getting a much needed and deserved break to replenish your spirit, and you are teaching your child how to do the same for himself. Making sure you are balanced and happy is the greatest gift you can give your entire family.

Celebrate the good choices. No matter how small you think it is, it’s a big deal that your child is able to make a connection, follow a thought, and make a positive choice. You may feel as if your child is too old, but throwing a verbal party when you catch him being good will really shift unwanted behaviors quickly!

What about you? Have you ventured down this path yet? What things helped you tame the beast? Feel free to share by commenting below or posting on the SOA Facebook page – I’d love to hear your stories!

Product Review: Calmer By Nature DVD

I first became aware of this amazing DVD through a LinkedIn connection with Barry Wheelock. We immediately connected and started talking about the product’s incredible (and surprising) benefits for Autism and Sensory Processing issues.

I invited Barry to speak during my Sensory Integration Teleseminar and received a copy of the 57-minute Calmer By Nature DVD to use at home. This film is pure and stunning nature footage – there are no people, no voiceovers, and no music.

The concept was created to simply relieve stress and anxiety; however it has turned into a powerful therapy supplement for people with Autism, Sensory issues, Dementia, Alzheimers, insomnia, and more. It is reliable, predictable, and safe, which are key elements for special needs patients. It even encourages communication and creates talking points for people that have difficulties with social skills and conversation. It’s also used by some of the top Occupational Therapists to aid with cognitive and behavioral therapy.

I was hoping for mild results at bedtime with my son, who can at times be-bop around like a whirling dervish until all hours of the night despite our best rituals. If the DVD helped that issue alone, it was worth the price!

What I experienced from the product far surpassed my expectations! Yes, it works at bed time just as I had hoped. It also:

  • Calms him before an outing he may be feeling anxious over
  • Redirects him during times of high stimulation
  • Provides him with short, 10-minute “cool down” times when he needs a sensory break
  • Gives him ideas for drawing and video creation projects
  • Starts conversations about the wildlife we see on the film

Surprisingly, my daughter also became an instant fan. She told me that it enhanced her creativity when drawing or writing new stories and helps her overcome her blocks. It’s definitely a nice change from the blaring TV shows that are sometimes over-prevalent in our home :)

For me, I typically have trouble shutting my mind off when I am amidst a task list that is pages long. The overwhelm can feel… well, overwhelming! The film brings me back into the now and offers a reprieve from my mental gymnastics.

In fact, I love this product so much that I am now able to offer it for purchase in the U.S. You can view a three-minute demo here and experience a bit o’ nature magic for yourself! I highly recommend Calmer By Nature for all ages, whether you’re dealing with Autism in your family or just want some stress relief. You won’t be disappointed.

I can’t wait to see the other projects Barry has in the works, including two more films, an Audio CD version, and an iPhone application.