Spirit of Autism Puberty

Puberty, Autism and Emotional Shutdowns

Spirit of Autism Puberty“The universe hates me!”

My son came stomping out of his room and collapsed onto the floor, heaving a huge sigh of frustration.

Unfortunately, this is not a new scene in my house, as I also have a 16-year old daughter. ‘Nuff said. But more importantly, puberty and autism can create a vicious cocktail that seems to bring on extremely magnified sensory issues, increased hyperactivity, regressive behaviors, and a whole lot of unexplained emotions. My boy just turned 12, but we started experiencing a profusion of puberty related issues as early as nine.

“The universe is incapable of hating, sweetie. What’s wrong?”

Evidently he had built a statue of his Minecraft skin in one of the game’s worlds and he told me that his friend destroyed it.  Minecraft is a unique multiplayer computer game where you learn survival skills and build custom worlds. The creative and building aspects of Minecraft allow players to build constructions out of textured cubes in a 3D world.

First and foremost, I was extremely proud of his ability to articulate to me that he was upset, the reason he was upset, and that he had worked very hard on the statue and it had taken him a long time. This is a HUGE milestone for us! But before we had a chance to begin talking about it, everything started going wrong for him. Everything he touched seemed to break or malfunction. He tried to pet the dogs and they ran away from him. His sister yelled at him for seemingly no reason.

I know from experience that when you have the “everything sucks” filter on, your experiences will follow suit. You know, like when you start out having a bad day it seems that your car won’t start, you spill coffee on yourself, you mess up a client proposal… have you ever had a day like that?

So the first thing I had to do was help diffuse his “universe hates me” perspective, starting with three deep and centering breaths together.

Delayed responses are another typical experience for Autistic children, and once I thought he was in a calmer place (about 30 minutes later), he started crying uncontrollably about the loss of his statue. It was that real guttural crying, too; I felt horrible. I consoled him and acknowledged that he felt upset that his statue was destroyed.

We then talked about choices. I told him he could either play one of his other favorite games (offline) to help get his mind off of it for now or he could choose to talk to his friend and tell him that his feelings were hurt. He could ask him why he destroyed the statue and open the lines of communication.

He had already removed his friend from his Skype list and blocked him from his server! His impulsivity coupled with an intensity of emotions he wasn’t accustomed to had caused him to overreact and shut down.

Once the tears were dry, we played a game called “5 Other Things”. I learned this gold nugget of a coping skill as a teenager and it’s never failed me. The idea is that it’s not what happens to us that causes emotional distress, rather our interpretation of it.  For instance, if a person doesn’t show up for a meeting with me I might immediately feel hurt and angry, assuming I had been blown off. This could rapidly lead to a barrage of negative thoughts: “Did they even INTEND to show up? Am I not good enough for a simple text or phone call letting me know? Who do they think they are?!” etc.

“5 Other Things” forces you to step outside of that neural pattern and look at some other possibilities for the event in question. Was there a family emergency? Are they simply running late? Car trouble? Did one of us write down the wrong day?

Naturally, if someone does this sort of thing to you regularly, “5 Other Things” is not the answer… getting a new friend is J

Being that my son didn’t SEE his statue being destroyed (it was simply gone when he logged back in to the server), we looked at some other possibilities:

  • Did another person playing on that server do it?
  • Did the game malfunction somehow?
  • Could his friend have accidentally done it?
  • Was the site hacked?
  • Did aliens land on earth and destroy all human forms of online entertainment? (Silly can be good if you’re trying to break neural patterns!)

“5 Other Things” worked! After some investigating (and a proven screenshot alibi of the suspect, ha!) he and his NOW UNBLOCKED friend discovered that the server crashed and the world was restored from an earlier version… before he had built the statue.

What a great learning opportunity this was for us! When puberty, autism and emotional shutdowns occur, we now have a blueprint:

  1. Take three deep breaths together
  2. Encourage him to share what is wrong, and praise him for being able to name it
  3. Help diffuse the “everything sucks” filter or mindset
  4. Acknowledge the feelings he is experiencing without judgment or criticism
  5. Play the “5 Other Things” game – without fear of getting a little silly!
autistic child disrespectful

Why is My Child So Disrespectful?

Have you ever enrolled your child in a great therapeutic or alternative program that offered improvements in behavior? Maybe things are cruising along, everyone’s in the flow… and then bam! Suddenly your child seems WORSE than before! Now there is some backtalk and strong opinions about things where there was harmony and eager-to-please attitudes before.

Or maybe you have a great set of tools that have been working for certain struggles at home or in school and then suddenly they stop. They wear off. The rewards lost their power and any consequences don’t seem to matter.

It’s very frustrating and confusing, especially when you can’t identify reasons or patterns. Erratic and disrespectful deeds and outbursts seem to be all you encounter.

If you’re like me, you immediately start analyzing where you think you’ve gone wrong as a parent, or what rules you are too relaxed about, or what changes should be made effective immediately to end this new attitude in your home.

Before you start calling military schools or Nanny 911, take a step back and consider what might be going on. It may not be disrespect at all!

There is a big picture. One that your child cannot identify for him or herself, so you have to play detective: be open-minded and look for some clues.

Sensory Processing issues

Is there a possibility of sensory overload present when you see these behaviors? Could something have changed in your home? A new vacuum, different light bulbs, more chaos (especially around the holidays!) or a family stress? What about different clothing or new foods? If you were being assaulted by your senses daily, you might “act out” to seek refuge or override an impending meltdown. To others this would look like a tantrum or behavior issue, but it may be as simple as making some adjustments in your home to accommodate oversensitive eyes or ears.

Fear from a change or disruption in routine

Many of us witnessed a great many outbursts and regression of old behaviors in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. Simple things like not having the right cereal bowl when you give your child breakfast may set off a litany of bad behaviors or verbal outbursts that seem unreasonable or like our child is seriously overreacting. What you’re seeing is your child’s need for safety and order. This is not a logical discussion or something you can “reason your child out of”. Order, safety and stability are basic human needs and they are magnified in situations that are happening outside of your child’s control (and outside of yours in many cases!).

Have empathy and try to keep as many of the routines and rituals intact as possible. Use social stories to explain natural disasters or other really tough situations.

Hormones

When puberty enters the picture you may have to throw everything you know out the window. It doesn’t matter how many years it’s been since progress was made or a behavior was licked. I dedicated a whole article to puberty and Autism that explains some of the lovely, odd things you may experience during this time.

Among these are unexpected rage over small incidents, new food likes and dislikes, sleep schedules running amok, regression of old behaviors, appetite changes, and sensory issues that are tenfold. Remember, if you’re having a hard time, imagine what your child is experiencing!

“Healing crisis”

This is a tricky one. When you see regression or outbursts you automatically assume something’s not working. However, it very well could be the opposite. Here’s a sensitive analogy:

When an alcoholic gets sober they assume life will be kittens and rainbows because they’ve stopped drinking. After all, drinking caused their problems, right? What really happens is all of the mucky feelings and issues that were being suppressed with alcohol come floating to the surface and the alcoholic must learn to now deal with these emotions in a new and healthy way. It takes time and work! New tools, new skill sets and lots of support are required.

When your child gets some of the major sensory issues out of the way with a new therapy, diet or treatment the same thing is happening. The fog is being lifted and now they must learn how to deal with the world in a new way. In some cases, your angel may be finding their voice for the first time. They might be exercising their right to an opinion, or learning to say no. This is a time for support and patience, even though it may feel like you want to start over or jump to the next option because this doesn’t seem to be working.

Lack of empathy skills

I have to constantly remind myself of this one. Right now, my son does not have the skills to understand what something might feel like to someone else. We are certainly making progress! He is so intelligent and advanced in so many ways that this one is easy for me to consistently overlook.

If you only knew how many times he hurt one of us or one of our dogs with proprioceptive crashing or impulsive behaviors and I blurted out, “How would YOU feel if someone did this to you?!?!?!”

“Um… dunno.”

I always thought this was disrespect, but he truly doesn’t know! We are now learning to try and equate something I would like to something he can relate to, and I’m seeing great results with this new method. For instance, when I don’t want him screaming in my face and jumping on me, I point out a time when he needed his space alone in his room to finish programming his new Mario world and then I ask for the same space.

Just being a child

Another one that flies out the window for me often. I am so entrenched in the world of Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder that I have to stop and realize sometimes he’s just being a boy! I have two brothers. One used to throw dried dog poop down the back of my shirt. During winter he would pack snow around a rock when we had snowball fights and nail me in the head. A brother’s job is to find his sibling’s hot buttons and push them as often and as creatively as possible.

Autism is not a “get out of jail free” card when it comes to unacceptable behavior for my child. It can be tough to discern what is bad behavior and what is self protection from a confusing world. I have to have boundaries and rules, but I can also have an understanding of the real meaning behind the behaviors so my choices come from a place of empathy and love when it’s time to take action as a parent.

What about you? How do you know when it’s disrespect and when it’s a behavior issue? Share your comments below of post them on the SOA Facebook page!

When Connections Are Made

One of the most perplexing characteristics of Autism that manifests in my son is his lack of ability to put together cause-and-effect connections. Because he is so ridiculously brilliant and advanced academically, it is easy for me to overlook typical actions such as burning his hand on the stove and then touching it again without pause, or messing with the dogs, getting snapped at (or even bit), and then repeating the behavior minutes later. He is perpetually surprised by a repeat consequence and often has no idea that he caused it.

Here is a normal evening scene in my house: I’m in the living room working on the computer, my daughter is on the couch drawing, and my son is in his room designing video games on his laptop. Suddenly he gets a surge of energy that MUST be burned off immediately, comes running down the hall and stops an inch and a half from my ear, then lets out a screaming phrase at his loudest volume.

I have had an array of responses to this, trying my best to reprogram the behavior and teach a lesson without losing my composure. I’m not very good at it.  From the gentle, “Sweetie please don’t do that” to “That hurts Mommy” to the futile “How would you like it if…”, I have not gotten through to him that it is not acceptable to emit sounds at close range that exceed 125 dB. (I’m being facetious here, but according to this Decibel Chart pain begins at 125 dB!)

What usually occurs with these repeat offenses? I try the calm and logical approach first. And second. And tenth :) Then it escalates. Especially when I’m exhausted and have a work deadline to adhere to. Sometimes I plead with him (mistake). By the umpteenth time, I unload. It’s not right, but it happens sometimes. Most of the time it has the same effect as any of my other tactics: nothing. Zoom. Over the head. He doesn’t listen, he doesn’t care, he is doing what he needs to do.

Lately, since the onset of precocious puberty, yelling has started to evoke a reaction of sadness and embarrassment. Of course I don’t capitalize on shaming him in any way, but something has been getting through. This is a golden window of opportunity, as his mind is temporarily freed from the pattern and he is able to hear what I am saying. After the last incident, I immediately took him somewhere quiet and talked about what just happened. I started with an apology for yelling. He retreated into, “You hate me” and “I’m stupid”. I then explained that I love him ALWAYS – no matter what – but I don’t LIKE his yelling in my ear. I calmly and appropriately told him why I didn’t like the behavior, and asked for his help in coming up with a new rule that we can all live with. We now call the living room the “quiet room”. He is welcome to make loud noises in the back half of the house, but in the quiet room we speak in normal tones.

Something happened after that conversation. Five minutes later, he had another power surge and came running down the hall screaming. He stopped in the doorway of the living room, walked up to me, and said, “Hi, Mom” in a nice, respectable tone.

What did I do? I told him I was very proud of him, did I high five, and made a big deal out of his conscious new behavior. You might think that makes me a foo-foo, new-agey, namby-pamby mom that celebrates when their child merely shows up for something. No. This is Autism. This is a connection. This is a MILESTONE.

I am not advocating that you perpetually get to the yelling stage and then backpaddle out of it like I did. But in this case I believe it shook something loose and got his attention. When I yell, I never say ugly things, by the way. It’s always matter-of-fact and focused on the behavior, but it IS yelling nonetheless.

What I learned

Instead of getting to the explosive stage, like I did, how about doing something to break the pattern? Something that would have the same affect but without the negative connotation? Try ringing a bell, using a radically different vocal tone, standing on your head, or anything unexpected. This will redirect the current behavior and get your child’s attention.

Explain briefly what the offensive behavior is (your child often has no idea what they are doing wrong), and why it is not okay. This must be spoken in clear, concise terms, not emotionally or vague in any way. Avoid our human nature to ask, “How would you like it if…”. It is common for children with Autism to lack the necessary wiring to experience empathy naturally – the question will go nowhere.

Ask for your child’s help to come up with a fun new rule that would make everyone happy. Make it clear that everyone must follow the rule. Bonus if you express a behavior that you are going to work on doing better as well!

This practice in my home has led to an increase in my son’s ability to start reading situations. Just the other day he came into the room and started bothering the dog, who immediately growled. For the first time ever he walked away and said, “Maybe he doesn’t like that.”

Yes!

What about you? What helps your child make connections? Share your thoughts by commenting below or posting on the Spirit of Autism Facebook page!

Product Review Part II: Step Ahead of Autism

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After reading Step Ahead of Autism by Anne Moore Burnett, I felt that the stories and tools provided were so thorough and practical that I had to break up my review into two segments.

This is Part II of my review.

Steps Six through Eight

In each step Anne shares a part of her story and then turns her experience into practical tips and exercises for us to practice immediately.

Step six is ADVOCATE. Here is where we journey with Anne into her first IEP meeting experience, which wasn’t smooth by any means. She openly and courageously shared how she was caught off guard, how she took her power back, and how she successfully created the right support system for her son.

This chapter also offers a complete IEP Checklist, so we can learn from her experiences and show up to our own IEP meetings armed with the right resources and tools. Bravo!

Step seven is ASSESS YOUR ATTITUDE. Don’t let this short chapter fool you – it’s just as packed with nuggets of wisdom as the more lengthy ones. The biggest takeaway here is best said in the “Exercises” section:

A positive attitude enables you to look at what appears to be an impossible situation and find alternative ways to make it work.

She also explains how neurotypical children fuss when their basic needs (like structure and routine) aren’t met, but children with Autism actually suffer pain and discomfort. This is yet another simple key into the lives and minds of our little angels. She also reminds us to steer clear of pessimists and negative thinkers (a great outlook for all of us, not just special needs parents!). As the Law of Attraction guru Andy Dooley recently shared in his Atlanta workshop, “Don’t let people coerce you onto the Bi**h Train, do what it takes to stay on the Bliss Train!”

Step eight is ASSERT YOUR AUTHORITY. Boy did I relate to this chapter, as my own son is currently going through puberty as well. I learned some more about what is going on inside his body and how to truly listen to my intuition, despite what the naysayers in my life may proclaim.

Anne again graciously shares some of her less-than-stellar decisions and reactions, which helped me feel a lot better for being human. (I AM human, right?)

The doctor described how puberty is like a fire alarm going off inside your body, and how in children with Autism it amplifies sounds, smells, and crowded spaces, which can and DO reignite old behaviors. When our children endure these magnified senses all day they must have an outlet at the end of the day to release the stress.

To make your child most comfortable in their environment will help them flourish. This may mean looking at different options for school, homeschooling, or other major changes. Follow your heart, and don’t let complacency, fear, and lack of motivation squash your authority. I am currently in complacency with my own situation, and because of this chapter I was able to recognize it and start making calls about some new supports for Justin.

Step nine is DELEGATE. In this chapter, the author comes to the realization that she hadn’t been very active in ministering to her own needs because she was so focused on her child. Her tales of isolation due to public experiences with her child as well as judgment and questioning from others hit a very sore spot with me. I’ve been a single mom for eight years, so I very much related to not trusting others, feeling judged frequently, and doing everything myself. Chapter nine inspired me to merely consider opening my world (scary!) to others, including other caretakers and other parents.

Step ten is ASPIRE. Programs like drama, art and music helped tap into the right brain of Anne’s son, which slowly softened the rigid edges associated with Autism. He also became part of a swim team, which grew him to be a part of a group, yet it still met his needs for a manageable world of synchronized order.

The biggest message in this chapter is to find the balance between not hiding your child’s diagnosis but not letting it stand in the way of their progress. If we focus on the positive gifts our children possess, benchmarks will be reached and celebrated. Even independence may not be out of reach.

Anne wraps up this masterpiece with real life examples of how she put the steps into practice, letting us see that these tools are practical and tangible.  She helps us determine our own milestones and gauges for success, and gives us permission to continually reassess along the way. That’s really what it’s all about – the journey.

Anne has a website that offers much more in the way of resources, connections, and coaching. She also lays out the steps on how to start your own Step Ahead of Autism support group to help find strength, joy and encouragement with others on this path.

I’d love for you to share what you thought of this book by commenting below or posting on the SOA Facebook page!

OW! Why Did You Just Punch Me?!?

One of the most challenging of my son’s behaviors on a daily basis is his impulsivity. It has also been magnified greatly since the onset of precocious puberty.

What is impulsivity?

On MedicineNet.com, it is defined as:

Inclined to act on impulse rather than thought. People who are overly impulsive, seem unable to curb their immediate reactions or think before they act. As a result, they may blurt out answers to questions or inappropriate comments, or run into the street without looking. Their impulsivity may make it hard for a child to wait for things they want or to take their turn in games. They may grab a toy from another child or hit when they are upset.

What this would look like in school in our experience was my son blurting out a noise, walking up to something and knocking it down, bumping into someone, hitting his head on the desk, etc. This was probably the number one category of behaviors he repeatedly got in trouble for.

The teachers, the para professionals, the counselors, and the principal would always ask the same thing of him: “Why did you…? Why? What were you thinking?”

And he would always answer, “I dunno.” Sometimes he would giggle.

I got told the same thing over and over – that my son must have done whatever he had done on purpose, because he showed no remorse for his actions and refused to tell us why. They were infuriated. They would even go so far as to suggest for a behavioral blowup on a Tuesday morning that I punish him over the weekend by taking away TV and video games. Um… have you ever disciplined a dog 10 hours after he ate a shoe? How’d that work out for you?

Of course he doesn’t know WHY  he did it. Of course he feels no remorse – he doesn’t understand that he did something wrong.

It is NOT a calculated action.

It is NOT a manipulative behavior.

It is NOT intentionally disrespectful.

As a parent, it takes a lot of reminders for me to remember these things in the heat of the moment. When he rides the puppy, sticks his foot in my face, punches me, knocks into me while I have a cup of hot coffee in my hand, blurts out a screeching noise close to my face… this is impulsivity. He doesn’t think, “Hmmm… if I do THIS, it will make Mom yell.” (that’s my daughter’s job, ha ha)

Now, before you start yelling that I am giving him a free ticket to be a butt whenever he wants, that is not the case. I am always striving to find the delicate balance of understanding his actions but teaching him that they are inappropriate. In order to communicate with him in a way he will receive it, I have to remember that he is not doing it on purpose to physically hurt me or irritate the living crap out of me. (Again… teen daughter for that :) Kidding! She’s awesome!)

I also have to remember that sometimes he is just being a boy. My world is submerged in the study of Autism and I can sometimes forget that little boys can be imps.

I wish I could tell you WHY impulsivity is such a huge part of Autism. In fact, I tried to write this blog last week based on the science behind it and it just wasn’t happening. It is what it is, and I’m sharing what we experience and what helps. That’s all I can do!

So what does help?

Create a separate room for “free behaviors”. One of my favorite things to say to my son when his noises and behaviors are at their peak in the common living area is, “This is the quiet room. You may go in the noisy room to scream, throw things, punch your pillow (or keep doing whatever it is he is doing). Out here you need to be quiet and respect the rest of the family.” I even do it with the dogs – send them to another place when they are severely disrupting things in the family room.

Redirection. Ah, the magic answer that comes up a lot… because it works! Changing the focus, getting out of the power struggle and into a silly joke, task, or game will almost always set the stage for peace.

Social stories. My son lacks empathy – he is not currently wired to experience theory of mind (putting himself in another’s shoes). I have actually seen some pretty exciting gains when it comes to this, but for the most part I have to remember that saying, “How would you feel if…?” never gets the answer I want. Not because he’s being a butt, because he doesn’t know. Social stories – observing a third party in a similar situation – help him make a connection.

I’ve always been amazed that my son could do high school math but would burn his hand on our stove and go back and touch it again. The cause and effect factor is completely missing. This helps me understand that coming up to me and knocking down something I’ve just built does not warrant the punishment a parent might normally feel the need to dispense. I have to stop and think, just as much as I am teaching my son to do.

What about you? What challenging behaviors do you see that you can attribute to impulsivity? What helps? I’d love for you to comment below or share your experiences on the SOA Facebook page!

Autism + Puberty = Oh, Crap!

Got your attention, didn’t I?

We’ve been in a great rhythm for a while now, and it’s been glorious. Rituals and routines: check. Handy sensory tools to take to outings: check. Restricted diet: check. Digestive enzymes: check. Pre-meltdown signs identified and used to head him off at the pass: check.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that the pants my 9 year-old son was wearing just a few days earlier were suddenly three inches too short. Did I use the wrong drier setting…? Then I saw acne. Then peach fuzz above his lip.

“Honey? Your voice sounds funny – are you coming down with a cold? Feeling okay?”

Then it hit me like a brick to the back of the head: big P, here we come.

Having a daughter first that went through full puberty at 8 (ACK!) I really didn’t think I had anything to worry about: I thought I had it in the bag. Easy – whiny, emotional, easily irritated, overreacting to things – then a smooth ride until the following month. Of course boys are different, but when you add precocious puberty with a splash of Autism you get an interesting cocktail. The hormones seem to sneak in and reconfigure many of the connections we’ve worked so hard to attain.

What to expect

Unexpected rage over small incidents. Proper magnitude of a situation was always an issue with us. We’ve really come a long way learning appropriate responses, but with some of these reactions it’s as if we’re now starting all over again.

Sleep schedule run amok. There has been a magnified wave of insomnia in our house, followed by 15-16 hour stretches of sleep for no apparent reason. Our old rituals and occasional use of melatonin are now ineffective.

New food likes / dislikes and  bizarre cravings. Good thing I went to Sam’s Club and bought a giant, industrial-sized box of his favorite snack food… that he suddenly hates :) Ugh. I caught him spreading Nutella on a dog biscuit the other day and slapped it out of his hands in panic! The good news? He’s trying new foods. It’s all about perspective. <Kidding – no child in my house eats dog biscuits!!

Lack of appetite followed by devouring a week’s worth of groceries. I know this one is not unique to children on the Spectrum, it’s part of having a t(w)een boy.  I still found myself quite financially unprepared for living with Garfield. Anyone know a good Gluten-Free lasagna recipe?

Being overly affectionate. This is a sticky-wicket, especially because I’m a single mom. There have been some shockingly inappropriate… acts of curiosity… that I’ve swiftly nipped in the bud! I will probably need some more assistance with this topic, however, as my expertise ends with Judy Blume books and creating the perfect chocolate/salt balance about three days out of the month. Calling all male role models… help! STAT!

Exhibiting desires to control family members and pets. For some reason, my boy is getting some sort of payoff from cornering me or his sister and not letting us pass through a room, blocking us from getting something in the kitchen, and mildly terrorizing the puppy. There is an underlying theme for the sudden desire to be the “capo di famiglia” (head of household). Yeah… that’s not gonna happen. Thank you, drive through!

No desire to keep up hygiene. Both my kids exhibited this strange behavior at the onset of puberty. It takes an Act of Congress to get them into the shower more than once a week. I simply can’t relate… but I have to stick to my guns.

Regression of old behaviors. Some of the old impulsivity is rearing its ugly head, along with stimming, toileting accidents, and blurting out loud noises. It really feels as if he is choosing this behavior; it has a deliberate tone to it. However, when disciplined he is honestly surprised that he is in trouble and is truly not sure what he did. The difference now is that he internalizes it and tells everyone he’s stupid. That’s not good.

What do you do?

Open communication. The number one thing you can do is make sure your child feels safe to talk about anything with you. With Autism, you may hear questions and perspectives you’ve never encountered in this arena. It’s so important to keep an open dialogue about what he is experiencing, this will set a solid foundation that will hold up any future issues and surprises with grace.

Rinse and repeat. It takes time to create new habits. 21 consecutive days, actually. Don’t expect your child to embrace these new hormones and feelings without some confusion and resistance. Remain patient and be prepared to explain, instruct, and remind your child about virtually everything. You will be repeating yourself, so get used to it :)

Gently establish new routines and rituals. Don’t cry over what used to work. Life is meant to be fluid. I used to feel like such a failure when I couldn’t command a successful routine 100% of the time. Now my attitude is, “We’re going to try this for a while and see how it goes.” If it stops working, we make small course changes. It took me almost 40 years to learn that small, consistent adjustments make a much more profound impact than the extreme and rigid ways I would try to enforce a schedule I thought “should” work. Not to mention all the energy expended feeling bad about my “shoulds”. Now that energy is freed and I can focus on our next step. The flow is so much nicer!

Exercise! Physical movement is always a priority, but it’s really critical during puberty. We start off each morning with Superbrain Yoga. Since I work out every morning for my own sanity, my son will sometimes mimic what I’m doing (or his version of it). There are currently no structured sports or activities in our repertoire, so walks with the dog, back yard exploring, and regular trips to the neighborhood bouncy house definitely help. When the weather gets a little less infernal we will be trying some more challenging activities.

Find a creative outlet. If you have a child with Autism, I’m sure you are no stranger to their current obsession. Rather than meeting it with resistance because YOU think the interest is excessive, try expanding on it. For example, my child lives, breathes, and eats Super Mario Brothers. We’ve found a computer program that goes above and beyond playing the various games: he gets to create custom levels. He puts them to music, assigns characters, powers, scenes, dialogue, and criteria to his games like he’s been designing all his life. What an awesome gift!

Establish ‘mommy time’ boundaries. Now more than ever it is imperative that you carve out sacred time for yourself. You may feel selfish and neglectful when you first attempt this, especially if you work. But the benefits are two-fold: you are getting a much needed and deserved break to replenish your spirit, and you are teaching your child how to do the same for himself. Making sure you are balanced and happy is the greatest gift you can give your entire family.

Celebrate the good choices. No matter how small you think it is, it’s a big deal that your child is able to make a connection, follow a thought, and make a positive choice. You may feel as if your child is too old, but throwing a verbal party when you catch him being good will really shift unwanted behaviors quickly!

What about you? Have you ventured down this path yet? What things helped you tame the beast? Feel free to share by commenting below or posting on the SOA Facebook page – I’d love to hear your stories!