Tag Archives: behavior

Social Skills Tips from Special Guest Sue Diamond

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Children who present with Autistic Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, Central Auditory Processing Disorder, and language and learning disabilities tend to have issues with social skills (pragmatic language). They want to interact, join in, play, converse, and have friends.  However, many times they are isolated and ostracized by their peers because they miss social cues.  They may not use eye contact appropriately or nod their head to show understanding or interest.

Choosing appropriate questions for a topic and maintaining the conversation may be very difficult and cause for social anxiety.  The topics they do initiate can be limited with either excessive verbiage or limited output, and their peers find it odd.  Imagine the ramifications in a classroom when these students answer completely off topic in oral and written language.  Their peers may laugh, and the teacher may become angry because it is thought to be poor behavior.

These children do best when given direct assistance in knowing the social rules. Once they understand “social thinking” they begin to make progress.  Imagine the child who runs up to her friends at recess to play.  She comes into the circle and stands too close to them.  They become uncomfortable and the social group disperses, leaving her behind.  When she understands “proximity” and how people feel about entering their personal space, she can be successful in her stance the next time.  Imagine the boy who is so excited when a peer comes up to him and tells him that doughnuts are being sold in the girl’s bathroom.  He is literal and does not believe that a ‘friend” would lie, so he goes in and gets in trouble.  Once he understands about rumors, he can make changes.  Most children can navigate their playground at school and understand the subtle, implied rules.  Children with pragmatic language delay (social language issues) make progress when they are given these rules directly.

SOCIAL SKILLS TIPS

  • Discuss a social situation before it occurs. Problem solve what can occur and how it can be handled.
  • Role play greetings and manners.
  • Talk about how to respond when being teased. You can ignore or answer back, “you wish” or “wow that was mean.” Do not get upset. It is the teaser’s bad day. Role play how to say a response with the right tone of voice.
  • Talk about rumors. You may not know if it is true. You may be tricked. Do not pass the rumor. It can be hurtful.
  • Play turn taking games such as rolling a ball back and forth. Whoever has the ball; it is their turn to talk.
  • Play charades to help with body language.  Watch TV with the sound off to observe, label, interpret, and imitate actors’ body language.
  • Use mirrors to look at facial expressions. Say an emotion and make your face match the emotion.
  • Make a scrapbook using magazine pictures and discuss the feeling shown by posture, gesture, and facial expressions.
  • Structure play dates; decide ahead what activities will be played. Make play dates full of fun for social success.
  • Play on/off games such as state a topic and decide if the sentence is on or off the topic.
  • Teach that when asking to play, the child may say no. The child may not be in the mood that day. Say, “okay” and walk away.
  • Talk about negotiating at school. When playing tag, if you are told to be “it” 3 times in a row, you can say, “I was it last time; it is someone else’s turn to be it.”

Susan Diamond is a licensed speech and language pathologist with a private practice in Alameda, California and has over twenty five years experience in diagnosis and treatment of children with language disorders.  She is the author of  “Language Lessons In The Classroom” and co-author of  “Webs For Language”, ECL Publications.  She has also produced the professional DVD “Diamond Social Skills” which provides information, strategies, and games for social language success. Her new book called “100 Social Rules For Kids” will be out this fall. Please visit Susan’s website for more information on social skills at http://www.diamondlanguage.com.

It’s IEP Time… Put Our Dukes Down?

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It can be hard not to go into an IEP meeting with an attitude of “me vs. them”, ready to defend your child. Especially if you’ve been pelted with behavioral labels, accused of not disciplining enough, or relentlessly badgered about why you are not medicating. And believe me, I’ve been called some really inappropriate names during some IEP meetings by Special Ed district representatives that could have cost them their jobs.

No parent should be a doormat, but I encourage you to try a shift in your attitude before your next meeting. This hasn’t been an easy journey for me, especially during the two-year diagnosis process that seemed to be more about what category my child fell in than what he needed to help him be more successful in the classroom.

However, when I started coming from a place of appreciation, partnership, and resourceful ideas the IEP process really transformed into a positive experience. I’m not saying there aren’t any challenges or issues, or that all the resources I feel should be in place are. There are still budget constraints and understaffed schools; there are still many misunderstandings about what he can help and what he does to try and ease a sensory experience. But we are much closer these days, especially when I come into the process with honesty, willingness, and an open mind.

Appreciation. Instead of balking about what I see wrong straight out of the gate, I always start with comments of celebration and sincere thanks for what the teachers and staff ARE providing.  Remember, their job isn’t easy, either!

Keep moving forward. I like to keep a solution-oriented tone in the meetings, regardless of any disappointments or misunderstandings I may have experienced in prior sessions. By focusing on what I feel NEEDS to happen instead of all the things we tried that didn’t work out so great, it keeps the whole team in a forward momentum. This doesn’t mean I ignore things that went wrong, but fixating on them will not lend anything to the outcome of the meeting. Remember, we are ultimately there to find and ask for tools that will help our children succeed.

Bring some tools of your own. I am always researching scheduling ideas, resources, and routines to help us at home. I like to come into IEP meetings with a list of things that are currently working well for us, adjusting each for the classroom if I can. I also openly talk about some of the challenges I still experience and ask for input. It’s been my experience that these simple actions can be disarming and set the stage for working together.

Keep talking about the goal. Whenever we get hung up on a certain behavior or issue and I feel things may be getting tense or heated, I sometimes break the moment with a statement like, “My goal for him is to teach him to ask for xxxx appropriately, or self-correct if he is able,” or “I’m aiming for a decrease in the need for small-group time this quarter.” Sometimes we just need a small reminder of why we are there.

Aim high. Every so often, the team will suggest a support be put in place before we have experienced it. I have actually asked for the least amount of support at times to see what my son was capable of. By assuming he will have trouble in a certain situation without actually letting him try is setting him up to aim low in the future. Sometimes they really surprise you!

Overall, it is very easy to take things personally and experience frustration in the IEP process. You know your child best. However, I have personally seen the magic that happens when I have shifted the focus to taking the higher road and keeping my side of the street clean. There’s a strange ripple effect in your world when you stop expecting everyone to be against you : )

It’s Summer Camp Time Again… HELP!

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I won’t lie, this time of year typically throws me into a panic.  Memories of being burned repeatedly and having my poor son bounced from program to program each summer makes me dread the search for a summer camp solution that is within a single parent’s budget yet offers my child the support he needs.

I always assume that providing all pertinent information, tips, schedule samples, copies of the IEP, challenges, typical behaviors, and dietary restrictions up front will be sufficient and ensure success for all parties involved. Then, usually a week in, I get a call from the director who acts blatantly surprised and shocked that my son is having problems in large, loud groups and is acting out.

My all-time favorite exchange with a camp director was when my child was expelled from the Recreation Center program for the fact that he had to be watched. Devastated, I reminded him that I interviewed with him personally about my son’s situation, filled out all the appropriate support forms, and even provided extra sensory items. “You assured me you were equipped for special needs children.”

“Main stream special needs,” he replied.

“Main stream special needs? What does that mean?” I asked.

“Kids that act like everyone else.”

Ouch. Ignorance at its finest. I didn’t fight him, because I no longer wanted my son there anyway! Trust me, we never let the door hit us on the way out :)

Anyway… I think this list of questions for prospective summer camps for your child with Autism may help. I don’t want anyone to go through what I have these past few years!

Questions for Prospective Summer Camps for My Child

  1. What is the teacher/child ratio?
  2. Does the staff have experience or background in Autism and Sensory Integration issues?
  3. How are disruptive, sensory-seeking behaviors handled?
  4. Is anyone qualified to dispense medications (if applicable)? What is the procedure?
  5. Is there ample staff to watch my child at all times (who may be prone to wandering)?
  6. How many breaks will be provided?
  7. Are there other special needs children enrolled in the program (if it is not a special needs camp)?
  8. Are there alternative plans for field trip days if my child does not go? If he/she does attend and has a meltdown at the venue, how is it handled?
  9. What behaviors are absolutely not tolerated, and what warning system is in place for parents?
  10. How do you communicate best with parents regarding day to day progress?
  11. Can my child bring food from home due to a restrictive diet?
  12. How are behavior issues handled in general? (not sensory related)
  13. Are toys or comfort items from home allowed?

Hopefully this gets you started down the right road in finding a great fit for your child. The answers to these questions should provide a good indicator of the facility’s willingness to put your child’s success before their convenience or fulfillment numbers!

Some good resources to Special Needs camps can be found at Aspires,  My Summer Camps or Your Little Professor.

… and That’s What Little Boys Are Made Of

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Boys will be boysSometimes, I get so wrapped up in the classification and response to Autistic or sensory-seeking behavior that I forget my son is also just a little boy. Boys! They are traditionally single-focused by nature, mechanically curious, and frankly, they do a LOT of things without thinking of consequences. In fact, people love to ask me, “When did you know he was Autistic?” If I had a nickel… Honestly, I didn’t know there was a need to explore his mind until disruptive situations in pre-school began to present themselves. Why?

I had a girl first.

There are so many quirky behaviors that I absolutely can see now in hindsight; at the time I dismissed them as classic boy tendencies. After all, I have brothers. The difference being that mine were downright evil during childhood ; ) Doggie-doo down the back of my shirt, rocks at the core of well-packed snowballs… yes, pure brotherly evil. But I digress.

There were things I struggled with when my son was a toddler. Constant obsession with light switches, no visible fear from dangerous situations, disassembling an electrical outlet with his bare hands when thought to be in time-out, extreme hyperactivity, and more. Half the people in my life would tell me I should have him tested for something and the other half would say he was just being a typical boy. I had no firm evidence or experience to fall on either side of that fence. So I waited.

Fast Forward

I’ve walked the wondrous Autism road for the past four years – filled with research and questions and tests and observations – and I still struggle with that fence from time to time. My goal is to find that place where I am giving him support for the things he cannot do for himself and creating appropriate boundaries and lessons for the things he can control. What a grey area that is! It’s gotten easier with so much information at my disposal, but every child on the spectrum  is unique.

It is understandable that I turn to a checklist, a practiced response, or even an excuse when there are any waves in my house. When living with Autism day in and day out, when my routine is so labor-intensive, and going out to dinner (and actually completing my meal) makes me feel as accomplished as an Olympic medalist, I see why I am wrapped up in his special needs and odd behaviors.

Sometimes I need to take a step back and realize that he is just being a little boy.

How to Make and Use Emotional Stage Index Cards

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When speaking about Emotion Cards, there are two different types of uses and benefits: helping the child identify others’ unspoken emotional cues and helping identify the child’s own stages before a potential meltdown.

Both are extremely helpful in introducing emotional identification, understanding, and regulation. Last year my son and I created Emotional Stages index cards and they proved to be invaluable. During his first grade year I believe they were responsible for a real quantum shift toward our goal of helping him identify and self-correct some of his pre-meltdown behaviors.

The challenge

What we were finding in school was that during certain transitions throughout the day he would start exhibiting behaviors that indicated his difficulty adjusting in some capacity. Handled incorrectly or ignored, these behaviors would quickly spiral toward loss of control.

My idea was that I wanted him to start to recognize when his body or senses started feeling a little squirrelly so that he could either self-correct if able, or ask for help appropriately (e.g., a sensory break or a walk around the school with the special ed professional).  By teaching him to identify the signs and stages of losing control, he could hopefully have access to the support he needed and decrease the number of incidents where his behavior did reach that point of no return.

The cards

Justin and I took five index cards and numbered them one through five. We then drew a face on each one, with number one being calm and happy. These faces progressed with two and three – feeling a little uncomfortable and weird – and on to four and five, which represented needing help and finally a complete meltdown.

We then laminated them, punched holes in the upper left corners and put them on a key ring for him to carry with him. Each morning I walked into class with him, did some sensory exercises, and asked him to identify how he felt with one of the number cards. In most cases, the amount of exercises done would directly correspond to his number, and our goal was to have him at a one or two before I would leave the classroom for the day.

The result

This number system quickly became a simple means to have him check in with himself throughout the day. For numbers three and four he had a set list of appropriate suggestions to help him get back to a one or two. Even when we experienced days where a five was reached, the stage was at least identified quickly, allowing the teachers to activate an “emergency plan” we wrote into his IEP.

I honestly feel that having Justin create these cards with me and begin to use them really helped him get to know himself in a systematic and linear way that he could clearly understand. They helped him with his feelings, they helped take the guesswork out of the picture for the teachers, and they helped our family both at home and any public outings.

What have you used in your house that helps identify emotions and stages of behaviors? I’d love for you to share!

Sensory Processing Disorder or Behavior Problems?

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I could write several articles on EACH of the senses when it comes to this topic. There are so many variances and combinations of what each child with Sensory Processing Disorder experiences, and that’s WITHOUT Autism in the mix.

We tend to see a child that misbehaves and acts quirky and defiant. I often get told that my child lacks discipline. Folks, this is a neurological dysfunction. These children have no control over the way their nervous system processes sensory input.

I have a fantastic project in the works to share with you about Sensory Processing Disorder. But today, we’ll keep it short and sweet. Today we’re going to put ourselves in the shoes of a child with sensory integration issues.

What if:

  • Parts of your body were numb regularly, and you couldn’t tell if you were sitting in the middle or on the edge of your chair. Then you fell off the chair and got in trouble for it.
  • Your clothes felt as if they were made of steel wool and insulation.
  • The humming of the lights in your office sounded louder than your boss’ voice and you couldn’t pay attention to what he or she was instructing you to do for the meeting.
  • You walked into a restaurant to eat and could smell the cleaning supplies as if they were right beneath your nose. It made you too nauseous to eat.
  • Every little sound and movement competed equally for your attention – from bird sounds to footsteps down the hall to someone showing a co-worker how to change the copier paper across the office.
  • You broke things frequently because you couldn’t tell how hard you were squeezing or holding them. Then similar items fell through your hands the next time you tried to “do it better”.
  • You couldn’t tell when your bladder was full until the moment it was about to burst, but you weren’t allowed to take a break once you realized this.
  • The lights made you squint from the brightness every single day, delivering pounding headaches from the strain.
  • Whispers sounded like yells and light, affectionate brushes on your skin felt like sandpaper.
  • You felt assaulted by parts of your clothing – the seams in your socks, the tag in your shirt kept painfully nagging at you.
  • Every 15 or 20 minutes your muscles felt like they were going to burst and your nerve endings were on fire. The only relief would be from doing jumping jacks, running, or crashing into something, but you are not allowed to get up.
  • You know in your mind what you want to write but the message takes so long to get from your brain to your hand that you give up trying.

IMAGINE sitting in your living room and turning up the TV as loud as it will go. Imagine all the lights in the room had been replaced with 100-watt bulbs. Your chair is wobbly, you’re wearing your younger sister’s clothes that don’t quite fit, and your spouse is yelling for you to sit still and listen to him recount his day. All you can smell is the garbage that desperately needs to go out and the dog is scratching at the door urgently. When you try to tend to any of these things or seek refuge from them, you get yelled at; yet you don’t know why.

What if you couldn’t stop any of this? What if every single moment of every single day was like this for you?

What if you were just a child and didn’t know that it wasn’t like this for everyone? I challenge you to shake up your perspective a bit. It may not make your experience as a parent less exhausting or frustrating, but it WILL change your level of compassion and understanding. That’s when change really starts.

DENIED! Why am I Doing the Happy Dance?

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Six months ago I applied for SSI Disability to help me provide for my Autistic son. Meeting the income guidelines for this assistance, I jumped through all the required hoops of their dog and pony show. I supplied them with a 92-page history and timeline of all Justin’s diagnoses, school records, IEP copies, behavioral and developmental assessments, medication history (yes, I at one time investigated that route out of sheer desperation – a story for another day), and every behavior slip, suspension and punishment notice he’d ever received.

I saw their doctor. I followed up, week after week, inquiring about their decision. All the while, in my journey, I was learning about my son and Autism. I was not happy with the doctor visits, the medication attempt, the rigid recommendations, the books, the cookie-cutter approaches.

In this journey I came across a book by Dr. Robert Melillo called Disconnected Kids. Along with the centers he founded, this book offered a scientifically proven theory about a hemispheric imbalance in children with Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, Tourette’s, and other disorders. I voraciously digested this information and began applying what I learned immediately. I tested and modified some of the sensory exercises and techniques. I expanded my research on the nutritional guidelines. I drew some new conclusions.

I began supplementing with EFT, teaching my son to tap and performing surrogate tapping when he could not. I also began graciously opening my heart and accepting the gifts of his beautiful mind. The docile nature of our beautiful Alaskan Malamute, Juno, has also had an extremely calming effect on him.

These things combined have changed our world. Oh, our journey is nowhere complete, as he still cannot tie his shoes or ride a bike; we still have days where a trip to the grocery store is a nightmare. It still takes an Act of Congress to get him ready in the morning on time for school. We are working on it, as I refine the techniques that have shown me hope and success. He is now able to smell and recognize scents; we can go to the movies and sit through an entire film; I don’t receive calls to pick him up from school early for being out of control… and he was denied for SSI.

According to my letter, “… the evidence does not show that these conditions are severe enough to be disabling. We have decided that Justin’s condition is not disabling under our rules.”

I’ve been denied, and I’m ecstatic! What mother would not want this kind of news?

Why Gluten and Casein Free for Autism?

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Persons with Autism tend to have food sensitivities more than food allergies. The biggest offenders can be gluten and casein. To most Autistic children especially, gluten and casein are the equivalent of poison.

Gluten and gluten-like proteins are found in wheat and other grains as well as foods made from those grains. They are also found in food starches, semolina, couscous, malt, some vinegars, soy sauce, flavorings, and artificial colors.

Casein is a protein found in milk and foods containing milk, such as cheese, butter, yogurt, ice cream, and whey.

Gluten and casein are not properly digested and form peptides, or substances that act like opiates in their bodies. The peptides then alter the child’s behavior, perceptions, and responses to his or her environment.

As they leak into the gut, undigested, they can attach to the opiate receptors of the autistic person’s brain. Essentially, many autistic children are “drugged” on wheat and milk products, as if they were on a morphine drip. This not only aggravates and distorts their already skewed spatial perception, but they also crave these foods, becoming addicted quite rapidly.

Some parents have shared with me that their child’s response to milk removal was quicker and more obvious than when gluten was removed.  Urine tests have shown that casein peptides can leave the system in about three days, but it can take up to eight months on a casein-free, gluten-free diet for all peptide levels to drop.

With the increasing awareness of gluten and casein sensitivities, there are so many viable and delicious substitutes out there for the family to enjoy. Almond milk and gluten-free cereals are two of our favorites. The hardest part is trying to monitor what your child eats while outside of the home.

Consequences, Consequences

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There was a time when two to three days of the week I’d receive a phone call from the school demanding I come pick up my son for behavior they could not control. As a single parent working full time, you can imagine how well this went over. Aside from job concerns, I also began to suspect that my very intelligent child learned that if he “kicked it up a notch” he got to go home with and spend the day with Mom. What may have started as behavior he couldn’t help soon fused into a nice culmination of sensory and social issues with a dash of escapism.

Some of the behavior described to me included loud, disrupting noises in the classroom and quickly elevated to collapsing on the hallway floor refusing to move, screaming, and literally bouncing off the walls. This resulted in multiple visits to the Principal’s office, being passed off between free teachers, and ultimately a phone call to Mom with the desperate plea that he couldn’t be “reeled in”.

Eventually I called another IEP meeting to see what we could do differently. After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, right? Upon a detailed description of these days where Pandora’s Box was repeatedly opened, I discovered two things:

1)   If Justin appropriately asked for a sensory break or self-corrected, they let him go to the Math lab, which was his favorite small group activity.

2) If Justin spun out of control and the staff went through the usual list of attempts to calm him, they would let him go to the Math lab, which was his favorite small group activity.

That’s right, there was no delineation between reward and consequence. They were one in the same.

(to illustrate that I’m also learning along the way, I have been known to demonstrate the same behavior with video games in lieu of Math lab… see the picture?)

The solution: a result of two hours of brainstorming

Rewards are for appropriate behavior, or for the ability to recognize and ask for help if he can’t self-correct.

When a red flag is established, in his case it was blurting out noises in the classroom, he had one opportunity to reel himself in or ask for assistance. If he did not, he received a warning, and then was to be taken calmly to a previously established consequence. No parading up and down the halls screaming, no being passed off from teacher to teacher, no pleading or bargaining… straight to the consequence. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I found that this eliminated the excess drama and need to get attention from all our reactions. Learning that he no longer got to go home for behavior issues quickly stripped away the formerly blended lines between what he could help and what he could not.

It’s a learning experience for all of us: parents, teachers, and school administration. It’s worth it to take the time to get on the same page with all players and accept that each solution may be perpetually evolving.

Why Does My Autistic Child Scream?!

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  • Being a “space invader”
  • Staring into lights
  • Self-stimming, such as rocking, spinning, banging head, humming, or screaming
  • Little or no eye contact
  • Picky eater (especially regarding textured foods)

Does your child display any of these “odd” behaviors? What we see as abnormal or sometimes even impish or difficult is usually related to the child’s attempt to calm their body or make sense of their environment through the sensory input they receive.

It has been documented that many children with ASD have difficulty processing sensory input. Normal sensory integration is taking information from your surroundings through your senses and sensory systems, including sight, smell, sound, touch, and spatial awareness (where your body ends and space begins). The information is processed in the brain and then interpreted, organized, and sent back to the body with instructions for an appropriate response.

What happens when it goes wrong?

Imagine being “under assault” by your senses 24 hours a day. In children whose sensory systems are not properly developed, this is what it’s like. Having a sensory processing disorder means you collect the input like anyone else, but when the data enters the brain it is not processed correctly and therefore the brain sends out inappropriate and abnormal responses.

Hyperesponsive is when the brain essentially short circuits from magnified or intense sensations. Even the lightest touch to a child can trigger a “fight or flight” response: the nervous system is perpetually on high alert and perceives nearly every movement or sensation as danger. Because of this, the child may avoid certain foods, clothing, movements, or perform repeated movements in attempt to calm the body.

Conversely, hyporesponsive is when the brain simply doesn’t register and respond to input received. A child may fall down or bang his or her head and not indicate any sensation of pain. In effort to make sense of their world, they may employ all other senses to compensate. A hyporesponsive child may not be able to tell if they are sitting straight in a chair or falling over. Imagine! They will also constantly touch walls, lean back in their chair, or feel countertops and surfaces to try and ground themselves.

What if I relate to both types?

You probably are saying to yourself that your child exhibits behaviors from both categories. Me, too! Most children with a sensory processing disorder are actually hyporesponsive to some input and hypereponsive to other types. For instance, if proprioceptive input is needed by the body they may jump or push things; if for vestibular input they may spin or rock, and for tactile input they might crave deep pressure. They also lack the ability to separate their experience/input from yours, so they will frequently do to others what their bodies are seeking (squeezing the dog, plowing into a parent holding hot coffee…).

Awareness and compassion – the first step

The bottom line is that children with sensory dysfunction cannot learn to function within their daily routine unless their surroundings make sense. To compensate, the brain either turns up or turns down the response, which results in the behaviors described above.

I have found that this kind of awareness can instantly turn my frustration into compassion when dealing with these behaviors. It also helps me help my son by recognizing the responses and asking him the right questions. This encourages him to describe what he is experiencing and teaches him to ask for what his body needs before it spins out of control.