Tag Archives: consequences

The 27-Minute Game: No More Fighting

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Do you ever fight with your child about how long they play video games or use their computer? If your house is like mine, some days it takes an Act of Congress to get my son out of his room and away from his favorite digital world. Sure, I’ve bribed. I’ve threatened. I’ve fought. All efforts can be fruitless when you’re having “one of those days,” right?

I don’t have to spell out the consequences of a child being penned in a small room, sedentary for most of the day. For my child especially it affects his sensory system and hyperactivity level directly. Not to mention the irregular eating and sleeping schedule and lack of desire to wear more than boxer briefs as additional side effects.

Last weekend I was tired of the arguing, coercing, cajoling, and emotional outbursts (not mine!). I had a full day of freelance work ahead of me but I didn’t want my son to be a hermit all day, offering occasional appearances spinning through the living room like the Tasmanian Devil. I invented a fun way to allow us to interact more and give him regular, much-needed diversions from Minecraft.

Sort of making it up as I went along, I gave my son a digital timer set for 27 minutes and instructed him to close the computer and come out when it went off. He was not in trouble and it wasn’t a new “rule,” rather a game we were trying.

When he came out I also closed my computer, put my phone away, and we played tic-tac-toe and hangman on paper. We had so much fun we started drawing afterward!

Wrapping up that enjoyable break, I handed him the timer, again set for 27 minutes. The next time he came out I had the table set with a fun “food-sculpture” breakfast laid out (yes, I play with my food!) for us both. We enjoyed a really nice, uninterrupted meal together.

The next round of our 27-minute break consisted of an obstacle course I set up in the back yard. The next, brushing the dogs together. No matter what project or email I was in the middle of I would close my computer and prepare something for us to do with our break. The exciting part was that when he came out each time he never knew what activity to expect.

What do you think started happening? The breaks starting becoming longer than the 27 minutes on the computer. My son’s mood and energy were consistent. We laughed. We engaged. We got stuff done.

In my current reality it is not always practical to get in the car (the one where the air conditioning doesn’t work – UGH!) and go do fun stuff. Sometimes I have to make do with what’s going on at home. The 27-minute game is a great way to have fun and manage both my son’s and my OWN habit of burying our faces in the computer for too long.

How about you? Do you have a way to keep healthy intervals flowing in your home? Share your thoughts by commenting below or posting on the SOA Facebook page!

Regression or Progression?

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I recently did my mid-integration checklist and interview for Justin’s Listening Training. As he is getting ready for his next intensive, I wanted to share some amazing gains I observed – new behaviors that I attribute to his first round of EnListen® and additional supports from home, including:

  • Introduction of Chewelry to redirect chewing (I’ll be dedicating an entire blog post to this great product shortly!!)
  • Addition of digestive enzymes, probiotics, and Omega Fatty Acid oil to his diet
  • Increased yoga and fitness routines after school

Understand that every child is different and may or may not show the same gains or at the same rate, especially after only the first intensive. These are things that improved in my child:

  • He now understands and carries out multi-step instructions (e.g., “Put on your socks, brush your teeth, and meet me in the kitchen.”)
  • Bathroom experience: his body now signals that he has to go – no more accidents (thank you!); it is an easier experience – 15 minutes in the bathroom instead of 45!
  • He is aware of possible consequences before proprioceptive crashing – Justin will now run up to things and stop and think first about whether or not it might be a good idea. He redirects himself for the first time.
  • Empathy, remorse – he consciously apologizes after accidentally hurting someone and doesn’t repeat action!
  • Fine motor improvement – he is better able to dress himself; he even wore jeans for the first time and buttoned them with no assistance!
  • Initiating bedtime on his own – he’s getting tired earlier in the evenings, and bedtime is no longer a long and drawn out process (except when he’s being a typical kid!)
  • Aware of why he has certain behaviors – when asked why he is displaying a certain behavior he is able to provide a logical answer rather than tuning out or shrugging it off
  • Report card improvement
  • Little to no spinning – much less stimming (excluding the return of recent verbal outbursts)
  • Realizing where he is in space – there is much less holding the walls when walking and chair tipping when sitting
  • Coordination, balance improvement – squatting, skipping, hurdles and obstacle courses, jumping improvement
  • Tactile gains – introduction of new clothing materials that previously were not tolerated
  • Initiating affection – this is a biggie! He is equating more with people and less with things.
  • Showing more independent thought and less echolalia (and much less regurgitated TV speak!) when asked questions or engaged in a conversation

Less than desirable changes noticed:

  • Expressing more frustration – this is due to experiencing certain feelings for the first time. Listening Training has begun the process of allowing him to be receptive to and in touch with his emotions. Justin will need to now learn how process those appropriately.
  • More meltdowns
  • The return of noises, verbal outbursts and personal space issues
  • Less motivation to complete schoolwork

Although this may appear to be a regression in behavior, I realize that Justin is experiencing a reorganization of how he sees the world and processes information. It’s going to take time for these changes to be integrated into daily practice. I have to dig a little deeper. Some of these behaviors are not necessarily a regression, rather familiar ways of coping with new feelings and experiences.

He is also reflecting his new feelings of frustration through verbal stimming and needs to learn new and appropriate ways of expressing them.

The next intensive will continue to address sound sensitivity as well as introduce organizational skills and theory of mind.

It is easy to focus on the behaviors we don’t want from our child when we see them, and immediately assume things are headed south once again. I don’t know about you, but raising a child with Autism is a roller coaster ride full of gains and regressions. It’s part of the process and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Looking at this progress now on paper, he truly has made some incredible gains. It is imperative that the school and I continue to support him with reward systems, redirection, and behavior alternatives as he learns to integrate information in a new way.

Consequences, Consequences

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There was a time when two to three days of the week I’d receive a phone call from the school demanding I come pick up my son for behavior they could not control. As a single parent working full time, you can imagine how well this went over. Aside from job concerns, I also began to suspect that my very intelligent child learned that if he “kicked it up a notch” he got to go home with and spend the day with Mom. What may have started as behavior he couldn’t help soon fused into a nice culmination of sensory and social issues with a dash of escapism.

Some of the behavior described to me included loud, disrupting noises in the classroom and quickly elevated to collapsing on the hallway floor refusing to move, screaming, and literally bouncing off the walls. This resulted in multiple visits to the Principal’s office, being passed off between free teachers, and ultimately a phone call to Mom with the desperate plea that he couldn’t be “reeled in”.

Eventually I called another IEP meeting to see what we could do differently. After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, right? Upon a detailed description of these days where Pandora’s Box was repeatedly opened, I discovered two things:

1)   If Justin appropriately asked for a sensory break or self-corrected, they let him go to the Math lab, which was his favorite small group activity.

2) If Justin spun out of control and the staff went through the usual list of attempts to calm him, they would let him go to the Math lab, which was his favorite small group activity.

That’s right, there was no delineation between reward and consequence. They were one in the same.

(to illustrate that I’m also learning along the way, I have been known to demonstrate the same behavior with video games in lieu of Math lab… see the picture?)

The solution: a result of two hours of brainstorming

Rewards are for appropriate behavior, or for the ability to recognize and ask for help if he can’t self-correct.

When a red flag is established, in his case it was blurting out noises in the classroom, he had one opportunity to reel himself in or ask for assistance. If he did not, he received a warning, and then was to be taken calmly to a previously established consequence. No parading up and down the halls screaming, no being passed off from teacher to teacher, no pleading or bargaining… straight to the consequence. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

I found that this eliminated the excess drama and need to get attention from all our reactions. Learning that he no longer got to go home for behavior issues quickly stripped away the formerly blended lines between what he could help and what he could not.

It’s a learning experience for all of us: parents, teachers, and school administration. It’s worth it to take the time to get on the same page with all players and accept that each solution may be perpetually evolving.