Category Archives: Viewpoints

15 Unique, Positive Things I Appreciate About My Child with Autism

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Our role as parent and/or teacher is to create a safe, enriched, balanced, loving, peaceful environment where our children can flourish.

While I enjoy the part of my calling that helps identify and discuss many of the challenges and issues in the life of a child with Autism, today I wanted to take an opportunity to share 15 unique and positive characteristics about my son. I hope you can relate to them and appreciate similar attributes in the gifted child or children in your life.

  1. Has a magnetic personality
  2. Affectionate
  3. Very musically oriented, can hear a song once on the radio and play it on an instrument
  4. Even-tempered, sweet, and loving
  5. Forgiving of others
  6. Highly sensitive
  7. Connected to nature and weather
  8. Helps with mechanical items around the house
  9. Extremely artistic and creative
  10. Fearless explorer
  11. In-tune with what he wants
  12. Always honest and authentic
  13. Remembers details – names, directions, etc.
  14. Filled with wonder at the simplest of things
  15. Reminds me that my “rush” timing is not the ideal way to operate  – he’s always in the “now”

… and That’s What Little Boys Are Made Of

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Boys will be boysSometimes, I get so wrapped up in the classification and response to Autistic or sensory-seeking behavior that I forget my son is also just a little boy. Boys! They are traditionally single-focused by nature, mechanically curious, and frankly, they do a LOT of things without thinking of consequences. In fact, people love to ask me, “When did you know he was Autistic?” If I had a nickel… Honestly, I didn’t know there was a need to explore his mind until disruptive situations in pre-school began to present themselves. Why?

I had a girl first.

There are so many quirky behaviors that I absolutely can see now in hindsight; at the time I dismissed them as classic boy tendencies. After all, I have brothers. The difference being that mine were downright evil during childhood ; ) Doggie-doo down the back of my shirt, rocks at the core of well-packed snowballs… yes, pure brotherly evil. But I digress.

There were things I struggled with when my son was a toddler. Constant obsession with light switches, no visible fear from dangerous situations, disassembling an electrical outlet with his bare hands when thought to be in time-out, extreme hyperactivity, and more. Half the people in my life would tell me I should have him tested for something and the other half would say he was just being a typical boy. I had no firm evidence or experience to fall on either side of that fence. So I waited.

Fast Forward

I’ve walked the wondrous Autism road for the past four years – filled with research and questions and tests and observations – and I still struggle with that fence from time to time. My goal is to find that place where I am giving him support for the things he cannot do for himself and creating appropriate boundaries and lessons for the things he can control. What a grey area that is! It’s gotten easier with so much information at my disposal, but every child on the spectrum  is unique.

It is understandable that I turn to a checklist, a practiced response, or even an excuse when there are any waves in my house. When living with Autism day in and day out, when my routine is so labor-intensive, and going out to dinner (and actually completing my meal) makes me feel as accomplished as an Olympic medalist, I see why I am wrapped up in his special needs and odd behaviors.

Sometimes I need to take a step back and realize that he is just being a little boy.

An Older Sister’s View

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Ever wonder what it’s like to be an older sister or brother of an Autistic child? Here is one informative viewpoint, provided by my daughter Dorian.

Debi: Dorian, many of us know that having a little brother in general can be frustrating at times! But what kind of unique challenges come into play with Autism?

Dorian: There are a lot of challenges when dealing with an Autistic sibling. For instance, he screams a lot. And many times we can’t go out to restaurants or stores if he’s acting up; or we end up having to leave before we’re done. And, another thing, he’s obsessed with Super Mario Brothers characters. He talks NONSTOP about them. Talk about a headache.

Debi: Sounds like it can get taxing at times! What about some of the positive things about your brother?

Dorian: There are also some good things. For instance, he remembers street names or names of people when I can’t. He’s really good with details. So that comes in handy. Also, with me being terrified of spiders (especially the giant ones), he’s always up to killing one for me. He likes jobs.

Debi: What kinds of things about Autism do you think make it really hard for Justin?

Dorian: Certain things are hard to understand about him. He screams because he hears things REALLY loud. And when he hits, kicks, and punches me, he doesn’t mean to, which I don’t always understand but try to…

Debi: Yes, it’s definitely hard to understand what his world is like sometimes! What types of things do you think you do well, or find easy when dealing with him?

Dorian: What I find easiest is, when he’s bothering me, I tell him to do another task. I even used to tell him to go find the basement, when we had no basement. That would keep him busy for a while. Another thing that works, I give him a math problem.  I also tell him to race me to somewhere if I can’t get him to get up and move. Those work best for me, at least.

Debi: Those are good ideas. I know this is a hard question, but in what ways do you think you could do a little better with your brother?

Dorian: I realize that I could kinda back down on losing my patience quickly… though that’s easier said than done. And I get that he doesn’t do most things on purpose, although some with some things the case is he’s just being an annoying little brother.

Debi: Great! Do you have any advice for other older siblings that you could share?

Dorian: Here’s my advice: Instead of yelling all the time, take a minute and think about what will help. And, don’t always expect them to act out. Sometimes when you raise your expectation and see someone in a better light they start to act that way. It’s weird how that happens.

“I’m funny how? Funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you?”

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Sarcasm: Remarks that mean the opposite of what they seem to say and are intended to mock or deride.

Add irony, hyperboles, understatements, metaphors, oxymorons, or the anticlimactic punchline – no, this isn’t a Language Arts pop quiz. These are the things not understood by my Autistic child, who lives in a literal world.

Last night we viewed a commercial for a new movie in which the main character exclaimed, “There is no such thing as—“ “DEREK!” his wife interjected. What my son heard was, “There is no such thing as Derek,” and promptly looked me in the eye and asked, “So the Derek in my class isn’t real?” Oh boy : )

In a household where sarcasm is spun more intricately than a debate between Alan Rickman and Joe Pesci, I find it extremely ironic (and entertaining!) that my son doesn’t comprehend the figurative language. Phrases like, “I laughed my head off”, “She cried her eyes out when she watched that episode”, or “Don’t blow a gasket, it’s just a video game” are lost on him. I certainly have to think twice when he asks if it would be cool to see him jump from the chair, over the dog, and onto the coffee table and I reply with, “Sure – that’s not dangerous…”

Before stumbling upon the realization that Autistic children can have trouble interpreting sarcasm, I wondered why classic momilies such as, “I’ll kick you into next week” and “Back off the TV or you’ll burn your eyes out” would elicit a mortified response from the boy. Can you imagine how confusing your universe would be if you took every message literally? No wonder I never got the desired result every time I reminded him to keep his hands and his feet to himself. In his mind, that meant keeping them attached to his body. Duh, mom!

I also used to think he was just being difficult when I would tell him it was his bedtime and he would immediately retort with, “It’s NOT! It’s 8:57!” Rounding up doesn’t exist, nor does approximation. A couple always means two and a few always means three when I am talking to him. And he holds me to it! We’ve also had many arguments arise when he would ask me how much longer until dinner and my answer was something like, “Not much longer” or “twenty minutes or so”. Frustrated, he would repeat the question until I answered in a way he understood. I had no idea that he simply doesn’t process vague statements.

My daughter and I are the complete opposite of him – we exaggerate for humor, paint mental pictures of the ridiculous when trying to prove a point, and typically function in a “go with the flow” state of being. It can be challenging to stop and alter how we communicate with him so he gets it, but I now see the importance of it! To him, we are sometimes speaking another language. He already feels left out being the only male; the last thing I want to do is isolate him further when I can simply adjust the way I phrase something.

When my daughter and I are laughing hysterically, shooting rapid-fire examples of “Imagine if” jokes and he either corrects us or chimes in with something completely irrelevant, we have learned to appreciate his beautiful mind. It is quite a gift to have such a different perspective presented to us on a daily basis.