Tag Archives: social stories

Butch NVC

A Different Kind of Social Story

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Butch NVC

Butch trying to hide from my son. He doesn’t quite fit in his safe place anymore!

I have a serious problem at home right now. My son spends a lot of time on his computer (no surprise there to any of you, I’m sure!). During these times of programming, learning, chatting, and playing games a lot of energy builds up inside of him. His current way of releasing the energy and handling “boredom” during breaks is to constantly tease one of our Huskies.

His favorite thing to do is to immediately corner the pup (and by “pup” I mean our 100-pound boy who was the runt of the pack!) and start grabbing his fur or poking him until he starts snarling. Justin loves the snarl face. But he doesn’t stop there. He perpetually snaps at him with his hands until the puppy snaps back with his mouth. Getting his hand away just in time is a game for my son. Unfortunately, it’s a dangerous one.

While Butch, being more Malamute than Husky and more laid back, would never intentionally hurt my son or be aggressive toward him, dogs have a threshold for teasing. In my county, if a dog bites someone they are immediately removed from the home and euthanized without question. Of course, Butch has never hurt my son to date, but I know as a parent and a dog owner that the possibility of my son going too far lives in the back of my mind and it could have a very bad outcome.

I have tried explaining to Justin that Butch would get taken away and put to sleep (and to someone with Autism that means literally what it sounds like – someone making him take a nap). I have warned him numerous times that he could get hurt very badly. No amount of punishing, yelling, bargaining, or social stories have persuaded my son to stop teasing the dog.

Then I remembered a recent video blog by Carla Butorac about an app called My Talking Pet. This gave me an idea!

Using a communication style called NVC, I wrote a short script as if Butch were telling Justin how it makes him feel when he is constantly teased. NVC is best explained this way from NonViolentCommunication.com:

Most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand and diagnose — to think and communicate in terms of what is “right“ and “wrong“ with people.

We express our feelings in terms of what another person has “done to us.” We struggle to understand what we want or need in the moment, and how to effectively ask for what we want without using unhealthy demands, threats or coercion.

NVC provides a “template”, or a four-part process to an empathetic and compassionate communication style. I’ve been told by Autistic adults that NVC’s template really helps solve some communication riddles for them, as it’s like a linear formula that can help express feelings and needs in a safe way.

The four-part process starts with Observations: “When I (see, hear, notice)…” followed by your Feelings about the observation: “I feel…”. Next you state your Needs: “… because I need/value…” and finally presenting a clear, doable Request without demanding: “Would you be willing to…?”

I decided to give it a shot. Here is the video that Butch made, asking Justin to stop teasing him using this clear and compassionate communication style.

Keep in mind that we continue to experiment with physical ways for Justin to release energy and get more exercise. One way is using Adventure to Fitness videos (also found on Carla’s wonderfully resourceful Blog), which I’ll be talking more about on my Web TV show this week. Stay tuned for more about this great fitness program for your kids!

In the meantime, are there ways you are demanding a behavior from your child that they keep resisting? Could you reframe it with the NVC template and try again? Let me know your thoughts by commenting below!

Spirit of Autism Halloween Safety

Halloween Safety Tips for Your Child with Autism

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Halloween can be a pretty overwhelming for a child with autism. Heck, it’s overwhelming for ME – add to the mix sensory-aggravating costumes, spooky lights and decorations, crowds of loud children on the streets, and possible sugar and chemical dye sensitivities from loads of candy… and you may have created the perfect recipe of a meltdown.

Here are some tips for a safe and enjoyable Halloween for your child with autism:

 

Costumes

Let your child practice wearing their costume at home for at least a week in advance. This gives you time to make any last minute modifications and time for your child to get used to it. I wish I had a nickel for all the times it took me to learn this one.

 

Avoid costumes with masks or hats that restrict sight or movement. It may be worth it to start with an item of your child’s own clothing or a Halloween t-shirt. Also avoid costumes that require extra accessories – your child will not want to carry them for long and they also may contribute to tripping or other safety hazards. Trust me on this one.

 

Last year we did a simple pair of baggy overalls and my son’s red shirt with a pre-bought Mario hat and white gloves. Easy, comfortable and everyone recognized his character!

 

This year my son is (possibly) bold enough to try a box on his head to be a character from Minecraft. With large eyeholes, this is mom-approved, as we can easily fill in the rest of the costume with a solid colored sweatshirt and matching sweatpants.

 

Trick-or-Treating

Be aware of which homes in your neighborhood have displays with lots of gore and special effects (our house… oops!) so you can avoid them.

 

Use repeated social stories for safety tips about crossing the street. In addition, carry glow sticks and a flashlight if you are going out in the dark.

 

If your child is nonverbal, make sure he or she wears some type of obvious identification. We love QR Code ID – which is printed right on the child’s clothing! My son will not keep a bracelet, ID tag, or watch on long enough for it to do its job.

Also, I have been seeing this wonderful picture circulating around my social media networks – what a great idea:

Create a visual schedule that includes a map of where you will go. It’s also a great idea to practice trick-or-treating at home the week before Halloween: take turns answering the door to give out the candy and being the trick-or-treater.

 

Don’t try to hit every single house in your neighborhood. Keep trick or treating short and comfortable for your child. Consider letting siblings that might want to go longer go trick-or-treating with a friend.

 

The Swag

Make a plan for how you will handle candy consumption. A gluten or dairy intolerance may be an issue with Halloween treats, as are food dyes and extra sugar. Decide the candy-eating rules in advance and write them down.

 

For those that avoid animal products in general, here is the The 2013 VegNews Guide to Vegan Candy (hot off the press!).

 

After Halloween, don’t relax your safety routines! Watch the doors and windows extra closely. I’ve heard from other parents that their child continued to trick-or-treat on their own the next day or following week.

 

I hope these tips help you have a safe and fun Halloween! What tips and routines do you use in your house for trick-or-treating? Share by commenting below!

autism wandering child

7 Vital Tips for Autism Wandering Prevention

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My son was 18 months old. He was standing next to my bed, humming, as I was folding laundry and separating the piles. Then he walked out. In the time it took me to fold a pair of jeans, the child had walked to the other end of the house, found my keys, figured out which one was the car key (!), went outside, opened the trunk, and climbed in.

When he was in First Grade, I dropped him off at school, walked halfway to his class with him, then went on my merry way after kisses and high fives like usual. It just so happened that I forgot something from the house that day. Coincidentally, I also needed gas and went left instead of right, passing the school once again. About four blocks from the school, in a direction I normally never would have traveled, was my son, walking with his backpack and singing, without a care in the world. He apparently walked right out of the building after we parted in the hallway, and the teacher assumed he was absent that day. No one knew! Imagine what could have happened if I had turned right like I always did!

Here are 7 tips if your child is prone to wandering

  1. Safety-proof your home. Home should be a safe haven. In addition to traditional childproofing for small children, you will have to take some extra measures for your child with Autism.
  2. Install door alarms. Many children with Autism are prone to wandering. Alarms offer great back up protection.
  3. Arm your child with a form of communication. Whether your child is verbal or non-verbal, communication is a challenge. Create a visual safety book for your child with key questions and answers he or she may be asked in an emergency situation. Practice, practice, practice!
  4. Get to know your neighbors. It’s a good idea to introduce yourself and your child to your neighbors. You can explain what Autism is, along with some of your child’s behaviors that would strike other people as odd. This way they will call you instead of the police, or help direct your child home if found wandering.
  5. Register your child with public safety. Contact your local police precinct, fire department, and hospital and register your child with their database of special needs families.
  6. Use social stories. Teach your child how to handle emergency situations like fire, burglary, strangers at the door, when someone is hurt, and calling 911.
  7. Get QR Code iD apparel for your child and subscribe to their website.

What is QR Code iD?

People who have Autism, cognitive disabilities or other special needs or health issues may be unable to state personal information such as name, phone number, address, medications taken, where Mom and Dad work, issues peculiar to that day, the hotel where the family is staying on vacation, etc.

If your child is lost or wanders, rescuers need to know who to call, and how to help.

QR Code iD creates a way to put this information in one place. This information is accessed from any computer browser, either by entering the URL manually with the computer keyboard, or by scanning a QR code printed directly on the child’s clothing, both of which will take you to the client’s non-secure homepage. This page displays all the information that a loved one wants someone to know when finding the child. This information can be updated REAL TIME!

QR Code iD commissioned Special Needs Artists to create beautiful artwork to put on shirts, buttons, key chains and other products that have QR codes on them. These talented Special Needs Artists will be discovered and contracted to contribute original artwork for our products.

Membership is only $29.00 a year for this invaluable service. I highly recommend it!

Use “spirit 15″ when you check out for 15% discount through July 4!

Do you have any stories of your child wandering that really frightened you? What did you do? Share your comments below or post them to the SOA Facebook page!

autism potty training

Autism, Sensory Processing Issues and Potty Regression

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This is not a fun topic for me to discuss, but I’m hoping that together we can help each other. If you are experiencing anything like this at home, regardless of your child’s age, you have my utmost empathy and understanding.

My son had delays in potty training, which is certainly not uncommon for a child with Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder. Truth be told, I have less detailed memories of those days as a single parent with chronic sleep deprivation, but we got through it.  Not that my situation has changed, but things seem a bit more manageable with older children! Or maybe I’ve just matured :)

He’s never been able to “take care of the paperwork” on his own, and that is challenging enough because I’m not here 24/7 to tend to his bottom. He has been known to hold it until I’m home from work, which creates some issues with the routine ebb and flow of daily potty experiences. Additionally, his diet is not 100% gluten free and he has never had a pleasant bathroom experience. The other part of the equation is due to his sensory processing disorder: he is unable to feel the sensation of having to go until it is absolutely the last second before an emergency. We have been working on this diligently for years with exceptional progress.

Until recently.

Justin will be 11 this month. About three months ago I noticed that he stopped going. Every few days I would find soiled boxer briefs in his closet or under his bed. Ruh-roh.

I immediately bought hygiene social stories, made it ABSOLUTELY clear that I was not mad at him and he would not be in trouble, and encouraged him to try using the bathroom on a regular schedule with visual supports.

It worked for a little while, and then things took a turn for the worse. He hadn’t gone for about a week and I made him sit down and try before I went to work one morning. When he was done I saw blood. A frightening amount of it.

Luckily, we ruled out the really scary stuff at the hospital and discovered it was due to impacting. More talks, more social stories, more diet adjustments… I thought it scared him into being more diligent with his potty experience. He has made it clear that not being able to clean himself embarrasses him, so I believed he had the capability and awareness to make certain choices regarding the bathroom.

Still he is regressing. Now he goes in his boxers and cleaning him up has become a physical issue. He is bigger than me. I am very careful to avoid attaching negative emotions to this experience and always try to be 150% supportive, but it is harrowing.

Why he is afraid to go

I believe that sensory issues are still playing a role, but there has to be other stuff going on to foster this behavior. His diet can always be improved. I’ve read that fear could stem from leaving a part of himself behind. And of course, overall it’s a long and painful experience for him.

For a child that can’t stand a speck of dirt on his hands, it bewilders me that he can sit in soiled and pungent undies with no issues. I won’t even tell you the details on how I had to sanitize his room. ACK.

Solutions

You know me, I always have to have a plan of action when faced with a challenge! We’ve luckily ruled out medical concerns and reasons. I thought about buying adult diapers, but I feel like that would make it okay for him to keep doing this. So here is what we plan to try:

  • More social stories
  • Positive reinforcement
  • An interval timer where he will try at set times to get him used to the routine again
  • Continued tweaks to his diet
  • More movement, including yoga
  • Natural stool softener, such as flaxseed oil

I will keep you posted! What about you? Have you experienced this at home with your child (no matter what age)? What worked for you? Did anything make it worse? Share your stories by commenting below!

OW! Why Did You Just Punch Me?!?

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One of the most challenging of my son’s behaviors on a daily basis is his impulsivity. It has also been magnified greatly since the onset of precocious puberty.

What is impulsivity?

On MedicineNet.com, it is defined as:

Inclined to act on impulse rather than thought. People who are overly impulsive, seem unable to curb their immediate reactions or think before they act. As a result, they may blurt out answers to questions or inappropriate comments, or run into the street without looking. Their impulsivity may make it hard for a child to wait for things they want or to take their turn in games. They may grab a toy from another child or hit when they are upset.

What this would look like in school in our experience was my son blurting out a noise, walking up to something and knocking it down, bumping into someone, hitting his head on the desk, etc. This was probably the number one category of behaviors he repeatedly got in trouble for.

The teachers, the para professionals, the counselors, and the principal would always ask the same thing of him: “Why did you…? Why? What were you thinking?”

And he would always answer, “I dunno.” Sometimes he would giggle.

I got told the same thing over and over – that my son must have done whatever he had done on purpose, because he showed no remorse for his actions and refused to tell us why. They were infuriated. They would even go so far as to suggest for a behavioral blowup on a Tuesday morning that I punish him over the weekend by taking away TV and video games. Um… have you ever disciplined a dog 10 hours after he ate a shoe? How’d that work out for you?

Of course he doesn’t know WHY  he did it. Of course he feels no remorse – he doesn’t understand that he did something wrong.

It is NOT a calculated action.

It is NOT a manipulative behavior.

It is NOT intentionally disrespectful.

As a parent, it takes a lot of reminders for me to remember these things in the heat of the moment. When he rides the puppy, sticks his foot in my face, punches me, knocks into me while I have a cup of hot coffee in my hand, blurts out a screeching noise close to my face… this is impulsivity. He doesn’t think, “Hmmm… if I do THIS, it will make Mom yell.” (that’s my daughter’s job, ha ha)

Now, before you start yelling that I am giving him a free ticket to be a butt whenever he wants, that is not the case. I am always striving to find the delicate balance of understanding his actions but teaching him that they are inappropriate. In order to communicate with him in a way he will receive it, I have to remember that he is not doing it on purpose to physically hurt me or irritate the living crap out of me. (Again… teen daughter for that :) Kidding! She’s awesome!)

I also have to remember that sometimes he is just being a boy. My world is submerged in the study of Autism and I can sometimes forget that little boys can be imps.

I wish I could tell you WHY impulsivity is such a huge part of Autism. In fact, I tried to write this blog last week based on the science behind it and it just wasn’t happening. It is what it is, and I’m sharing what we experience and what helps. That’s all I can do!

So what does help?

Create a separate room for “free behaviors”. One of my favorite things to say to my son when his noises and behaviors are at their peak in the common living area is, “This is the quiet room. You may go in the noisy room to scream, throw things, punch your pillow (or keep doing whatever it is he is doing). Out here you need to be quiet and respect the rest of the family.” I even do it with the dogs – send them to another place when they are severely disrupting things in the family room.

Redirection. Ah, the magic answer that comes up a lot… because it works! Changing the focus, getting out of the power struggle and into a silly joke, task, or game will almost always set the stage for peace.

Social stories. My son lacks empathy – he is not currently wired to experience theory of mind (putting himself in another’s shoes). I have actually seen some pretty exciting gains when it comes to this, but for the most part I have to remember that saying, “How would you feel if…?” never gets the answer I want. Not because he’s being a butt, because he doesn’t know. Social stories – observing a third party in a similar situation – help him make a connection.

I’ve always been amazed that my son could do high school math but would burn his hand on our stove and go back and touch it again. The cause and effect factor is completely missing. This helps me understand that coming up to me and knocking down something I’ve just built does not warrant the punishment a parent might normally feel the need to dispense. I have to stop and think, just as much as I am teaching my son to do.

What about you? What challenging behaviors do you see that you can attribute to impulsivity? What helps? I’d love for you to comment below or share your experiences on the SOA Facebook page!

When Your Child Wanders…

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When Justin was in first grade the principal had a strict policy of no parents walking their children into the classroom. (More about that inane rule and how I combated it in another post…) But for that portion of the year I was entering the school with him and saying goodbye just before he turned the corner to head to class.

One morning I dropped him off, business as usual. At that time, I would typically turn right out of the parking lot and head to work; however that day I realized I forgot my lunch AND needed to get gas in the car. I drove back home and then past the school once again toward the gas station. The bell had rung and school was in session. About six blocks past the school I saw a small child with a backpack casually walking down the street. My heart sank as I realized it was MY child.

When I pulled over and brought him back to school they had no concern whatsoever that he hadn’t made it to class – they simply thought he was out sick that day. I went over and over in my head the scenarios that COULD HAVE played out if I hadn’t forgotten my lunch and needed gas that day. The thought of the myriad possible outcomes were magnified by the realization that I would not have even found out he was missing until I went to pick him up at the end of the work day.

Another time, he was playing with the garden hose outside in the front yard. This was a normal activity for him, and I always peeked out the window frequently to check on him. On this particular day, I blinked and he disappeared. Gone. No shirt, wet pants, and no shoes… vanished.

I immediately grabbed his sister and her best friend and started screaming his name while walking up and down our dead end block. Some neighbors heard my panicked shouts and offered to drive the vicinity and look for him. A thousand thoughts were racing through my head as I searched every nook and cranny of the woods, front and back yard, inside the house several times (maybe he’s just hiding, oh please God let him be hiding), and down several neighboring blocks.

I called the police. Being in the Fire Department I heard my own call go over the scanner and it really hit me. My baby is lost. What have I done? How could this have happened? It was just a few minutes…

I will never forget the feelings that washed over me as I saw my neighbor driving up with Justin in the front seat. Tears welled up as I experienced every possible human emotion simultaneously, hugging him tighter than I ever have. I was able to cancel the police call and take my little angel home to dry off.

He had no explanation for why he left the yard or where he was going. These two experiences absolutely changed my perspective about Autism and wandering.

How do you minimize the risk?

I know how lucky I am that my son is still with me today. That is part of what drives me to train Emergency Responders. However, you must assume that police and fire currently have no knowledge or Autism training and take preventative measures. Here are some practical steps you can take so you don’t have to go through what I did:

1. Safety-proof your home. Home should be a safe haven. In addition to traditional childproofing for small children, you will have to take some extra measures for your child with Autism.

2. Install door alarms. Many children with Autism are prone to wandering. Alarms offer great back up protection. You also may want to consider a personal GPS device for your child.

3. Carry an Autism Emergency ID Card. Emergency ID cards will help people on the scene of an emergency know how to approach and communicate with your child. Include contact information and important behavioral traits of your child.

4. Have your child wear an Emergency ID Tag. In addition to ID cards, tags are another great way to get the attention of emergency responders. If your child cannot tolerate wearing tags around their neck or wrists (if sensory and tactile issues are present), try attaching them to your child’s shoelace. (This of course would not have helped when my child was shirtless and shoeless… but there are so many different kinds of ID tags to choose from now, thank goodness)

5. Arm your child with a form of communication. Whether your child is verbal or non-verbal, communication is a challenge. Create a visual safety book for your child with key questions and answers he or she may be asked in an emergency situation. Practice, practice, practice! I also highly recommend Signing Families for additional communication resources and tools.

6. Get to know your neighbors. It’s a good idea to introduce yourself and your child to your neighbors. You can explain what Autism is, along with some of your child’s behaviors that would strike other people as odd. This way they will call you instead of the police, or help direct your child home if found wandering.

7. Extend the introduction to places you frequent. Introducing your child to a local store owner, diner staff, or other places you regularly visit can go a long way. Instead of a knee-jerk reaction to an odd or inappropriate behavior, a clerk will know your child and be able to intervene safely or inform you of what they may observe. This is also a good idea in vacation spots!

8. Register your child with public safety. Contact your local police precinct, fire department, and hospital and register your child with their database of special needs families.

9. Teach safety procedures to your child. Even with Autism ID cards and tags, your child may still cross the street without looking or enter a dangerous situation. Use real-life situations (like being lost in a store) and repeat drills with your child as often as possible.

10. Use social stories. Teach your child how to handle emergency situations like fire, burglary, blackouts, strangers at the door, when someone is hurt, and calling 911.

Have you had any close calls with your child? What preventative measures do you employ in your home or neighborhood? Let me know by commenting below or posting on my Facebook page – I always welcome your stories and feedback!

5 Quick Ways to Stop a Meltdown

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You know how it happens. You’re in a store and your child starts making loud noises, jumping out of the cart, running around, falling on the floor. You beg, you bargain, you threaten but the noises get louder. Or maybe it’s a restaurant and your son is holding his ears, sprinkling grated cheese all over his seat, kicking the table of the couple sitting behind you, and simply not listening to you. You offer rewards, you raise your voice, you may even pack up and leave in a hurry with your food untouched. I have done these things more times than I can count.

Once I learned more about sensory integration and the way my child is under assault by his senses daily, the more I understood why all of the exhausting and frustrating techniques above had no impact or even made things worse.

Here are 5 techniques I created over time and now keep in my toolbox whenever we go out:

Tell a story. What is your child’s current obsession? Is it a cartoon character? A video game? This is a great opportunity to introduce a social story starring the number one persona that will get your child’s attention. For my son, I will use Mario, Luigi and Yoshi to illustrate the issue, list options of preferred and exaggerated non-preferred responses from them, and then ask his opinion on which he thinks would be a better choice. To really drive the message home, I ask him to show me how he would teach that character to make the right choice.

Assign a job. Amidst the chaos, I like to suddenly feign a problem that I absolutely can’t solve myself and then ask for his help. I tend to make it ridiculous enough to get his attention but not so much where he doesn’t believe I can accomplish the task myself.  An example would be to cry out, “Oh my goodness – I can’t figure out which of these items are cold so the cashier can ring them up together! Can you help? I don’t know WHAT to do!” He usually immediately gets out of his head and body and gets excited about helping Mom :)

If you build it… Often troubled times occur while waiting for our order at a diner or restaurant (if the odds are in our favor and we attempt such a thing!). Many times, without speaking, I will start building a pyramid or structure out of coffee creamers, pats of butter, single-serve jams, or even sugar packets. His curiosity is piqued when he sees my attempted creation and will typically start to mimic me.

Reboot. Ideally, it would be wonderful if you could explain to your child the benefit of closing her eyes, taking deep breaths, and “restarting” her system. When in meltdown, it is most likely too late; once sensory overwhelm has occurred, reasoning flies out the window. The brain can be jolted out of its current state with an unusual statement or unexpected silly gesture. Once that occurs, it searches for an answer or new idea to latch onto, so you have about 3-10 seconds to redirect the current activity or reaction. Sometimes all it takes is a really silly face or Jim Carrey-like clumsy fall to instantly disarm my son.

Direct within. Using a series of questions that aim to keep your child in the present moment can be a lifesaver. “What is that on the wall? “What does that place mat feel like on your fingers? Do you hear that funny bird outside the window?” This also can prove challenging if your child has spatial issues and doesn’t feel where her body ends and space begins. Technology can help! A cheap set of headphones and an iPhone app with nature sounds (or even a game) can help your child tune out the rest of the world that is currently  assaulting her nervous system.

These things have worked for me many, many times. I shudder when I recall my responses and attempted solutions before I really understood how differently my son perceives the world around him. Putting myself in his shoes first is the ONLY way any of these suggestions will truly help. He is old enough now where I can actually ask him if his body is hurting or if something else is causing his outburst. He is much more in touch with his body these days and can actually verbalize his experience, as well as ask for what he needs with prompting. It wasn’t always like that, though.

Keep trying, don’t worry about what anyone else around you is saying, and stay flexible – you will see the payoff!

How do you typically put a halt on meltdowns? Do you have tips to share with other readers? Post them here in the comments below or on the SOA Facebook page – I’d love to hear your ideas!