Tag Archives: Sensory processing

Am I a Helicopter Mom?

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Today I took my son with me to the computer repair place to drop off his laptop. Naturally, he was all over the place during the entire process – running around the store, making all the little holiday novelty toys make noise at the same time (repeatedly), slipping behind the counter, and making loud noises.

I am used to getting thrown out of most public places (grocery stores, restaurants, movie theaters, churches… shall I go on?) when this type of behavior emerges, so naturally I was a bit on edge, redirecting him as much as possible. Every two seconds. The store’s owner absolutely took a liking to my son and constantly told me while this was occurring to “let him go”, “let him explore and be a boy”, and “stop being a Mother Hen”.

I could have been insulted, but you and I both know that as a mother of a child on the Autism Spectrum we are frequently forced to be Helicopter Moms. Mostly I am used to hearing the opposite words than today’s experience: “Would you please control your child”, “You need to spank him or something”, and “Why do you let him do that?” So… yes. I hover.

I do know that when our world is immersed in sensory processing, Autism, and disability daily reminders, we can honestly forget that our child is just a child and sometimes they are doing what boys do! Still, people can often make judgments or assumptions based on the behaviors they see at that moment. This gentleman saw some loud noises, mild hyperactivity, and repetitive behavior and it didn’t bother him. What he didn’t know is that my son can have tendencies to:

  • Break items with impulsive movements
  • Hurt himself due to sensory-seeking behaviors like crashing into things
  • Make poor decisions because of the absence of a sense of danger
  • Disturb other people by being a “space invader”
  • Become so overloaded with sensory input that he is no longer able to hear and understand commands
  • Yell inappropriate things
  • Run away, sometimes into traffic

We lucked out this time. But where is that balance between being a Helicopter Mom and leaving some space for my child to show me that he can handle more than I may be letting him? Am I limiting his natural abilities to learn what’s appropriate and work things out? Or am I protecting him in the right way? Is it up to others’ reactions?

I don’t know the answers to these questions, but the good news is that I can keep asking them and tweaking our experience along the way! I am not insulted by being called a “Mother Hen”, I am actually grateful for the opportunity to take a look at the way I support my child and possibly adjust for a better outcome if I find some truth in it.

What about you? Do you balance between hovering and allowing? Has it burned you or surprised you before? I’d love to see your comments below or on the SOA Facebook page!

My children, Malamute/Husky pack and I wish you and your family a wonderful, abundant and joyful Holiday Season!

7 Benefits of Practicing Yoga for Autism

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I recently purchased Yoga for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders by Dion and Stacey Betts. My son was quite reluctant to try this with me (because it sounded like “therapy”). I honored his request to not be bothered with it, but what I DID do was bring the book in his room and pretend to struggle with the poses myself, finally asking in an exasperated fashion if he could help show me what I’m doing wrong. It worked! Not only did he correct my moves, he hungrily kept asking, “Are there more in the book? Can we do another one? Do you still need help, Mom?” (Yes!)

You may think yoga is only for monks on the path to enlightenment (not that there’s anything wrong with that at all), but it is truly a well-kept secret to overall health and wellness. To steal the author’s perfect description in the book’s opening:

Yoga is a practice consisting of physical postures and breathing exercises that help to unite the body and mind. Yoga originated in India many centuries ago and is gaining great popularity throughout the world. Yoga’s benefits include stress reduction, inducing calm, muscle building, flexibility, and coordination.

So these are yoga’s amazing general benefits, but what about our children on the Autism Spectrum?

Aside from medical studies illustrating yoga as in effective treatment of neurological disorders and indicating that it increases motor performance of school children, the gains immediately related to physical and emotional symptoms of Autism are surprising.

Here are the top seven I found:

My child has low muscle tone. Trunk instability and low muscle tone affect not just coordination but stamina as well. The poses improve large muscle strength, which help increase the tone of their muscles. They also help mobility, which encourages  confidence when joining peers in a physical activity.

Gross motor delay makes my child appear awkward. An odd gait and delay in gross motor skills make these children appear clumsy, often resulting in teasing and being picked last for team activities. Yoga poses help your child become aware of where their legs and feet are in relation to the rest of their body, which helps improve coordination.

What about missed milestones? It can be disheartening when your child seems to be missing out on what we consider typical activities for their age. My son cannot ride a bicycle, skateboard, and frankly he needs help with his “paperwork” after using the potty. When yoga poses are practiced consistently it allows children to feel more comfortable in their bodies, which carries over into all other aspects in their lives.

How does it help sensory issues? I’m confident we are all familiar the sensory processing issues that accompany most children on the Spectrum. Yoga practice actually soothes the nervous system, allowing energy to be released from the body. With many of these poses, a child in sensory overload will experience his system being calmed, focused, and quieted.

We need to be at home to use all our calming tools. Yoga is portable! Special breathing exercises are also virtually inconspicuous and can be practiced anywhere when the need arises. Choose a few of your child’s favorite breathing protocols and easy poses and you are now armed with a new tool to help your child in the world.

Will yoga help my child make friends? There are certainly many reasons children with ASD feel isolated from their peers; whether it’s conversational struggles, narrow focus of interest, or anxiety from pent up emotions and sensory issues, yoga will help your child become calmer and more focused. From this new place, the mind is open to learning in a much more effective way.

Don’t try to cure my child, Autism is part of who he is. Yogi philosophy places high value on individuality. Beyond the poses, students of yoga learn to accept themselves and celebrate the differences of others. Yoga is not a modality that will “cure” your child. It can, however, ease some of the struggles and help them accept their unique personality and behaviors.

This, I believe, is the ultimate goal for our children to help them step into their best selves.

SPECIAL NOTE: If you haven’t signed up for my newsletter, I encourage you to do so! This week’s newsletter reveals an entertaining story about why the police visited our house yesterday morning and the lesson I helped my child gain from the experience.

Are You Setting Your Child Up for Success or Failure?

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I sometimes fail to remember: as parents we are not raising children, we are raising happy, productive, balanced adults.

Recently a friend of mine of 17 years had the courage to express an observation about the way I frequently respond to some of my son’s less-than-desirable behaviors. Instead of feeling judged or on the defensive, I reflected on his words and decided to take an honest look at where I might be setting my child up for failure.

I’ve mentioned on Twitter that puberty plus the lack of energy release during homeschooling has sent Justin into a bit of a regression with his loud noises, stimming and impulsivity. Add to the mix a mom that works overtime and does freelance projects at night, sleep deprivation, and a teenage sister that always rouses him, and we have some pretty obnoxious behavior rearing its ugly head.

I have a few stubborn “reflexes” about Justin’s noises that are rooted back to our pre-diagnosis days, where we frequently got kicked out of retail and eating establishments due to the fact that I “couldn’t control my child” :)  Before I understood sensory processing issues, auditory overload, and Autism itself I merely thought he was choosing to be out of control. Ha! I was so accustomed to apologizing and making excuses for him to get us through the trip to the grocery store or lunch with a relative;  I would do whatever it took to smooth over the incident and get us home.

Back to the observation of my friend: he said that I tend to speak about my son like he’s not in the room when he starts exhibiting these behaviors. I retreat into a litany of excuses while he continues to act in a way that’s actually unacceptable.

Now before you fly off the handle about how our children can’t help doing some of the things they do… yes. That’s right. My excuses are most likely accurate – sensory overload, puberty issues, too much downtime, unpredicted change in schedule and more. These are the reasons 99% of the time that a behavior creeps in. However, am I allowing my son to use his Autism as an excuse to not even try to do better?

Read that again. Am I allowing my son to use his Autism as an excuse to not even try to do better?

Ouch. I believe sometimes I am teaching him this. He may NOT know better, he may NOT be able to help himself, but what do I do with that information? Do I use it as an opportunity to help teach him how to appropriately handle his issues?

This doesn’t mean I don’t provide resources or abandon his needs. It doesn’t mean we don’t leave some situations because they are causing overload. What does it mean?

“Justin, this is the quiet room of the house. If we want to scream, we go in the other room.”

“Justin, it’s not okay to run into the room and fall on the puppy with that giant toy. It hurts him. When the puppy gets hurt, he bites people. Let’s run in the back yard or down the hallway only.”

“Justin, I know it’s really noisy in here and your ears probably hurt. Would you like to go into a quiet place for a while, or maybe put your headphones on?”

These solutions take time, especially when he’s learned that he can make his sister yell and his Mom make excuses for him. But my goal for him is to be able to tell what is appropriate and what is not, whether he can help the behavior or if he’s spinning out of control. If he can’t help it, he needs to learn to ask for assistance, tools, or even an out. I am in no way denying his sensory needs or coping skills.

It’s time, I think, to start sending the message that I expect the best from him. It’s when I make these subtle adjustments within my own mind that he always surprises me and rises to a new level of self-awareness.

What about you? Are there areas where you could expect more from your child? I’d love to hear your comments! Don’t forget to join the conversation on our Facebook page!

Is Your Child With Autism Oversensitive to Touch?

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Many children on the Autism Spectrum experience Sensory Processing issues. The best way to describe SPD is from Wikipedia: a neurological disorder causing difficulties with taking in, processing and responding to sensory information about the environment and from within the own body (visual, auditory, tactile, olfaction, gustatory, vestibular and proprioception).

Being oversensitive to touch is a tactile disorder – specifically dealing with input from touch, pressure, temperature, and pain receptors.

Although my son can simultaneously exhibit over- and under sensitivity to all things regarding touch (example: laying a hand on his shoulder to comfort him will cause him to recoil in pain, yet he frequently craves and seeks ‘bear hugs’), these symptoms below are very familiar to us.

Does your child show any of these signs of tactile dysfunction?

__ Becomes fearful or aggressive with light or unexpected touch

__ Did not like to be held or cuddled as a baby; would arch back and pull away

__ Will not let you brush his/her hair, or insist you use a particular brush

__ Resists most affectionate touch, especially kisses

__ Raindrops or water from the shower may feel like being pelted with stones

__ May overreact to minor cuts and scrapes

__ Issues with new or stiff clothes, especially jeans, sweaters, and other rough materials

__ Refuses to wear socks because of seams

__ Can’t stand getting hands dirty or participating in messy play

__ Extremely ticklish

__ Distressed by clothes rubbing on skin; takes clothes off as soon/often as possible

__ Hygiene issues: distressed about having face washed, hair cut, teeth brushed and nails clipped

__ Trips to the dentist are very anxiety-ridden

__ Is an extremely picky eater, only eating certain tastes and textures; avoids hot or cold foods and trying new foods

How do you help your child?

Here are some sensory exercises that can be done at home:

  • Finger painting with shaving cream or pudding (never force your child to touch something “messy” if they are not willing – let them use a paintbrush or utensil)
  • Sandbox play – or make an indoor sandbox with dried beans and rice
  • Playdough or clay (here is a Gluten-free recipe for playdough)
  • Let your child drink plain seltzer to experience bubbles in his mouth
  • Have a costume dress up party to let your child experiment with different material textures
  • Popsicles!
  • Repot some indoor plants or start a small garden
  • Play salon: have your child “groom” their favorite stuffed animal or doll and then trade places
  • Feather tickling
  • Play “guess the letter” by writing on your child’s back with your finger
  • Human tacos – wrap your child in a blanket and leave a small opening to add “toppings” – shredded newspaper for lettuce, bouncy balls for olives, a wet washcloth to apply taco sauce (water only, please!), etc. Bonus: use a yoga ball to press the taco into a quesadilla!

What other sensory activities do you enjoy at home? Let me know by commenting below or posting on the SOA Facebook page – I’d love to hear your successes!

What the Heck is Sound Training?

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Sound Training can help address your child’s skills and abilities that you’d most like to see improved, from gifted development to specific learning challenges. How can something you listen to help learning challenges? Let me explain:

As Dr. Alfred Tomatis, the “Father” of Sound Training, discovered that 85 percent of the neural pathways to our brain are stimulated through the ear. Within the ear, there are two main nerves: the Auditory (Cochlear) Nerve, which carries hearing information between the inner ear and the brain and the Vestibular Integrator, which controls coordination, balance, and governs body functions.

If you are not processing certain frequencies of sound in an optimal way, it can greatly affect motor skills, balance, appetite, toileting, sleep, language (the voice can only produce what the ear can hear), cognitive abilities, understanding multi-step instructions, magnitude of a situation, the ability to put yourself in another’s shoes, energy, mood, sound sensitivity, transitioning from one activity to another, coping skills, anxiety, social skills, and focus and attention.

Whew! Did you ever imagine all those things were affected by the way you process sound?

In addition to frequency deficits, further complications arise when sound is processed through bone conduction instead of air conduction, which is often prevalent in children with Autism, Sensory Processing issues, ADHD, and Dyslexia.

Ideally, sound should be processed air over bone, where it goes through the middle ear (the “gatekeeper”), gets buffered, filtered, sorted, and served to the brain on a silver platter. Auditory processing through bone conduction means the sound goes in the ear and through bone straight to the nervous system. Unable to separate background noises, it is dense, fast, and loud, frequently causing auditory overload and throwing all the other senses into distress.

EnListen® uses custom-engineered music files to wake up the brain and help put the sensory system back in harmony. It uses a filter and delay, first sending the sound through bone conduction via a special headset and then through the ears the proper way. Eventually that gap is closed, like training a lazy eye, making lasting changes to the brain and could dramatically improve:
•    attention, focus and concentration
•    self-confidence
•    emerging language
•    cognition skills
•    reading and writing
•    comprehension and memory
•    eye contact
•    speech clarity
•    organization
•    body function

Done properly, Sound Training gets the foundation intact and strong (low frequency-body functions) and then not only works on deficits but helps build on strengths and develop your child’s natural gifts.

Would you like to learn more about how EnListen® could help you or your child? Schedule a NO-COST consultation here!

Bad Behavior or Shedding Old Skin?

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Have you experienced some exciting, big changes in your child with Autism after an intensive therapy program? Did you find that shortly after you noticed great progress you were also witnessing some less than desirable behaviors?

When you start to “retrain” the brain, It’s like peeling layers of an onion and getting your child closer to their true self. Being previously veiled by sensory overload and expending most of their energy simply trying to navigate through day-to-day experiences, your child is most likely now starting to take interest in people rather than objects, become curious, and feel many emotions for the first time. Do they know how to deal with these emotions? Probably not!

You may start to see some challenging (and downright ugly) behaviors and automatically assume your child is regressing or your therapy is ineffective.

Remember that it’s like starting over in many ways. They are experiencing the world around them with new senses. While in survival mode, your child was incapable of learning some of the tools necessary for coping with everyday situations. After substantial progress is made in the way they process sensory input, they are now open to understand and practice these skills for the first time. But it does take patience.

Maybe they just found their voice and are starting to express extreme likes and dislikes, or preferences for people and activities. Maybe they are so curious they are asking incessant questions about every sentence that comes out of your mouth. Perhaps they are touching things more, or having a new kind of tantrum when they don’t get their way. Take a step back and remember this is all new.

Last night my son was in his room and I started hearing unearthly screams from behind the closed door, each swelling louder than the last, with increasing frustration. He was trying to make something work that wasn’t cooperating. My first instinct as a mother was to run in and comfort him and perhaps even correct the problem; I hated hearing him so upset! There was also a part of me that was flinching with each piercing scream, and I admittedly had control the urge to yell even louder to get him to stop.

Either action would have been a true disservice to him. What I needed to do was sit with him and explain what happens when we let ourselves get that frustrated with things. I needed to teach him a manageable protocol for dealing with those feelings, before they get to the point where he’s breaking items because he can’t get it them function correctly.

I made it clear that it was always okay for him to feel whatever he was feeling, but that there were other things he could do to deal with those feelings. We talked about how to handle it when something isn’t working – not continuing to do the same thing repeatedly (only harder), but to stop, take five deep breaths and either ask for help or start asking questions. What am I not seeing? Is there another way to do this? If it can’t be done, can I be okay with that? Can mom help? Should I call for her?

Social stories and visual cues are great tools – it’s a good time to revisit some past attempts that may or may not have been successful for you before. My son and I started employing American Sign Language and certain codes from the police and fire scanner to alert each other that it’s time to use one of our new behaviors. As often as possible, I lead him to try and work out the progression on his own instead of solely giving him exact instructions.

It’s a new and exciting time when this kind of progress is made. It’s also easy to have expectations about coping skills and behaviors you assume should come with that progress. It’s my experience that I can always use a “refresher course” on the very things I’m teaching my son for the first time.

How about you? What are some behaviors you’ve mistaken for regression? What are some ways you worked through them with your child? I’d love to hear your stories, so please comment below or post them on my Facebook page so we can help each other!

My Top 10 Autism Support Tools

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As you know, I’ve seen incredible progress in my son during the past five years. I am happy to report that he has never undergone any traditional therapies outside of the home; everything we have done together on this amazing journey was created from my research and personal connections made over Twitter, LinkedIn or Facebook. These connections led to expert interviews and the introduction to some really unique tools that made a huge difference in our lives. Here are my current favorites (in no set order):

Chewelry - Kid Companions is a chewable and wearable fidget that is safe, stylish and effective. It’s the perfect alternative to fidget toys and chewys and worn as “chewelry” is less-than-discreet.

This awesome product keeps my child from destroying costly toys and clothes and actually helps him focus and stay on task!
Calmer By Nature DVDs and CD – With no music or voiceovers – only the raw sounds of nature – the film helps with Stress, Anxiety, Insomnia, Sensory Problems, Alzheimer’s, Dementia, Autism, Sensory Processing Disorders, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, ADHD, and Mental Illnesses. In addition to helping Justin get relaxed at bedtime, it also:

  • Calms him before an outing he may be feeling anxious over
  • Redirects him during times of high stimulation
  • Provides him with short, 10-minute “cool down” times when he needs a sensory break
  • Gives him ideas for drawing and video creation projects
  • Starts conversations about the wildlife we see on the film

Yoga Ball - I bought my yoga ball years ago as part of my never-ending fitness research and it has been such a versatile staple in my home! From traditional use in my fitness routines to my daughter using it as a “dinosaur egg”, my son rolling around on it, and its employment as bedtime proprioceptive tool… it was the best $25 I ever spent!

Many times our evening ritual consists of “hot dog”: rolling him up in a blanket and using the yoga ball for deep compression on his back. We use different patterns as “toppings”; like circles are called onions, vertical rolling is called ketchup, etc. This is an instant calming tool that never disappoints.

Sandbells - These are our favorite fitness accessories when we work outside – we do overhead carries, throws, passes, and much more! They are safer than dumbbells and offer a sensory experience to boot!

DSi XL – Many parents would argue that video game systems are not a support tool. Here’s why I encourage my son’s use of his DSi XL: Flipnotes. He creates videos using an application that mimics old-fashioned, frame-by-frame animation. Sometimes they are 800+ pages long. He then adds music and voices to these videos and posts them in his Flipnote community, where his fellow creators rate and share them. It’s really neat to see the patience and detail that goes into the creation of these animations!

Digestive Enzymes/Probiotics – These are not a replacement for a diet free of gluten and casein (and other common culprits for food sensitivities like soy and corn!), however digestive support is essential in children on the Autism spectrum. There is a direct link between digestion and behavior. To be completely transparent, we are not on a 100% GFCF diet but we do our best! These enzymes and probiotics help step in with support where we fall short with diet alone.

EnListen® - With all the alternative, natural and creative strategies I try at home to help improve my sons symptoms and behavior deficits, the one thing I cannot do for him is change the way he processes sound! Sound Training has been such a gift and blessing in our house. While it is not a magic bullet by any means, the gains I have seen on a physical, cognitive, and adaptive level have been unmatched.

Social Media - As parents we often throw our entire being into helping those we love,  especially our children. The one thing we forget is that we need support, too! I have met some incredible people on unique but similar journeys over social media that I never would have encountered otherwise. I personally want to thank every single person that has connected with me on the social web. Your presence in my life – regardless of capacity or length of time – has made my universe a better place.

Signing Families - Louise is one of my favorite ladies on the Internet! One day we will meet in person and I bet it will be like we’ve known each other for years :) She has been teaching American Sign Language for more than 20 years to families with hearing and non-hearing children, college students, staff at public and private school systems and businesses. She also shares one of my other passions and provides materials to Emergency Responders.

Sign language has opened myriad doors for my son in regard to communication. I believe American Sign Language can give a voice to all who struggle with language for many reasons.

EFT - A little more “alternative” than some other techniques, EFT can help parents overcome limiting beliefs, fears, and frustrations, as well as deal with any grief or overwhelm that accompanies have a special needs child. I have also worked with my son directly and helped him break through a huge block he had with self esteem. It may or may not be for you, but you’ve got nothing to lose if you want to check it out!

Many times we also do EFT while listening to Jeff Gold’s Escapes… another great calming and relaxing CD of original music.

What are your favorite tools? Do you use them at home or outside of the house?

Braving the Public… Meltdowns and “The Look”

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I posted a question on Twitter and Facebook last week that stirred quite a few comments! The question was:

Parents: how many times have you gotten “the look” in public places… as if people were saying “Why can’t you control your child?”

The myriad responses I received ranged from “It is so stressful, we don’t even bother anymore” to “I don’t even notice because I don’t care what people think!”.  It was great! You know what? I can relate to every single bit of feedback I received. I have been in all of those places emotionally and even gone so far as to second-guess or blame myself and my parenting skills along the way.

No one said this job was easy. To quote a dear friend of mine, “Parenting is not for weenies.”

I can’t count how many times I’ve had to rapidly exit a grocery store, leaving a full cart, because my child escaped and was running up and down the aisles, screaming and crashing into endcaps. I can’t tell you how many times we spent $70 at the movies only to be kicked out of the theatre before the previews were even over. I can’t recall how many times we had to leave a restaurant, paying for food that never came because of meltdowns. And don’t get me started on how I know the response time of Fire Station 5 so well ;)

I have experienced parents tell me I need to spank or beat (!) my child, I have gotten countless dirty looks from others in public places, I have been told by security officers that I need to “reel in my kid”, and I have been called a bad mother more times than I can remember. It’s not fun. I don’t even want to get into airplane follies!

As a single parent, I don’t have the luxury of another adult when out in public to take my son outside for a sensory break, put him in a time out, or to leave him with at home so I can do the shopping alone. What I also didn’t have until the last few years, though, was knowledge and understanding of Sensory Processing Disorder, a list of key things that set my son off, and tools to help me make the right decisions about taking him out.

I know we can all share horror stories. I’ve probably stifled and suppressed most of mine :) BUT I thought it would be helpful for me to share what we do RIGHT now. Meltdowns these days are minimal, if not completely gone.

Know when the odds are stacked against you. Is it close to nap time? Has your child been stuck inside with no exercise? Did he just have a big, sugary snack? Or is he really hungry? Conversely, are YOU exhausted and sleep-deprived? Squeezing things into your schedule and feeling pressed for time? These are NOT good times to take your child with Autism to the store, restaurant, bank, or any other errands. It may be inconvenient, but it is worth it to wait until all the odds are in your favor so you can handle any situation from a place of calm and grounded peace. When you can respond, not react, it changes everything.

Avoid busy times. Try to go to your favorite places when they are not too crowded. So what if your schedule is different than the rest of the world’s? The extra quiet atmosphere may be totally worth it.

Understand what your child experiences. I used to just see bad behavior. Then I would try to reason with it, yell, lose my patience, bargain with it… yes, these were really effective :) The truth of the  matter is, your child may be under assault by her senses. If you can stand a little bit of bad language, this is a GREAT video to illustrate a meltdown. I love it. Sensory Overload Simulation

You can also read one of my earlier articles, Why Does My Autistic Child Scream?! which helps explain what’s going on neurologically.

Physical exercise first. Taking 5 extra minutes before going out to toss a sandbell with your child, run a quick relay race, do some animal crawls, or just run in place can change their entire mood and energy level for your outing. Fitness creates focus, provides an energy release, and gives your child a nice self-esteem boost along the way!

Anticipate and arm yourself with supports. Bring things like noise-blocking headphones, supermarket bingo, things to draw with, snacks, or even video games if you deem them appropriate. Know where exits are as well as a quiet place to go for a five-minute sensory break if needed. Illustrate clear consequences for misbehavior prior to entering your destination, but also make it clear that breaks and time outs for his body are not the same as being in trouble! It also couldn’t hurt to have a plan B.

Look for flags. You know what it looks like when your child first starts to get overloaded. Don’t wait until the situation spins out of control before addressing it. If possible, give your child choices and encourage her to make the right ones for her. I can now ask my son, “Are you screaming for fun, or does your body hurt?” (sometimes he’s just being a boy!) I’ve had him hold up numbers to tell me where his body is on a meltdown scale – 1 being perfectly fine and 5 being totally out of control.

Compassion. It’s never easy to walk that fine line between disciplining a behavior when your child can clearly help it versus giving them support and understanding when they truly can’t. The bottom line is, we are all doing the best we can. If you think you’re frustrated by a behavior your child exhibits, imagine how he feels getting in trouble for his ears hurting or his nerve endings feeling like they’re on fire. Imagine yourself not being able to tell if you’re standing up straight or falling over, and then getting yelled at for touching the wall and not knowing why. I’m not saying all behavior is okay and should be overlooked, but seeing things through your child’s eyes (or ears, or hands) can instantly melt your frustration into compassion and assistance for your child to step into his best self!

What other public tips and tools work for you? What attitudes have you shifted that changed your experience? I’d love to hear about them!

Why is My Child Crashing into Me and Screaming?!?

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In my house this weekend, my son was a human (LOUD!) bumper car. Despite all of my refined calming and redirecting techniques, the past few days brought loud screams interspersed with crashing into walls, family members, doors, mirrors, and repeated jumping and falling onto the floor. Ironically, light touches and loud noises from any other source but his own mouth send him into immediate meltdown. How can that be? How can crashing and tight squeezes feel great but a hand on his shoulder make him recoil as if he were being branded with a hot iron?

It can actually be very common for children with Sensory Processing issues to be both sensory seekers and sensory avoiders. How confusing and frustrating it can be!

What is sensory seeking?

As I’ve written before, Sensory Integration is the ability of the brain to detect, modulate, discriminate, and integrate the three special sensory systems – tactile (touch), vestibular (movement), and proprioceptive (body awareness).  Although these sensory systems are less familiar than the five senses we all learned about as children, they are critical in order for humans to experience, interpret, and respond to their environment appropriately.

Sensory seeking occurs when a child’s nervous system is under-responsive to the information being received by the brain, so they continually seek intense sensory experiences for an extended time period to compensate. Some typical sensory seeking behaviors include:

  • Hyper-activity
  • Impulsivity
  • Decreased response to pain
  • Crashing and banging into things
  • Craves “tight squeezes” or bear hugs others a lot
  • Screaming
  • Poor body awareness – clumsiness, touching objects or others too hard or too often
  • Staying in a soiled diaper or underpants

What is sensory avoiding?

Children with sensory avoidant behavior commonly have nervous systems that are overly responsive to sensation, which can trigger “fight or flight” responses to sensory stimuli.  They may demonstrate some of these behaviors:

  • Withdrawing from touch
  • Motion sickness, fear of heights
  • Anxious in over-stimulating environments (public places such as malls, playgrounds, etc.)
  • Picky eater – avoidance of certain textured foods, sensitive to food smells or temperatures
  • Doesn’t like being messy and avoids mud, dirt, messy foods
  • Struggles with self-care activities; will only wear certain types of material for clothing and or wear clothing in a particular way; complains about hair brushing, tooth brushing, and hair cutting.

If your child is like mine, we can relate to almost everything in both lists! However, I did have some success alleviating some of the crashing and screaming while we were in public, and I wanted to share what worked with you.

Things that helped

There’s nothing more frightening than standing in line at the grocery store and having your child uncontrollably scream crash into displays, climb on counters, and swing off things that are not meant to be swung from! OY! When this state of sensory seeking is reached, reasoning attempts fly out the window.

While we were out I offered some tight squeezes, head and shoulder pressure, and “contests” (bet you can’t crab walk to that bench and back in 2 minutes!). These did not stop the behaviors entirely but offered some relief to his body and allowed me a few more minutes to finish our errand. It is good to carry a weighted backpack in the car as an emergency sensory-seeking tool to help get you through a situation like that as well!

Once we got home, I was able to isolate him to a quiet room and really pay attention to what his body was craving. We used blanket rolling, full body pressure on a giant yoga ball while he was lying face-down, spinning, and our newest trick: wrapping a rolling pin in large bubble wrap and rolling it over his back! I then gave him some time in his tent with a digital timer. Watching the numbers count down always calms him. It was important that he knew it was not time out for misbehaving, rather a break that would help him.

Other tools I love for sensory avoidance behaviors:

  • Noise-blocking headphones
  • Personal games to keep him focused
  • Favorite healthy snacks
  • Nature sounds on my iPhone
  • Wubbzy music :)
  • An escape plan!

What things help your child cope with sensory input?

Trippin’ Over Road Trip FAIL

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So… what do you get when you cross a small Ford Focus, three children (one of which likes her music LOUD), a 125+ lb. Alaskan Malamute in heat, a child with Autism and Sensory Processing issues, and a last-minute four-hour road trip? Road trip FAIL.

At least I can laugh about it now. Let’s hope my son can, too!

You see, I knew better. I KNOW better. I post daily inspiring tips, quotes, and updates on Facebook and Twitter about how to prepare for doing virtually ANYTHING with your Autistic child. Yet, here I was – frenzied, overbooked, and trying to leave town at the last minute – totally unprepared.

The problem? I didn’t arm him with any necessary tools or supports against the boredom of a long trip, his sister’s loud music, being cramped and unable to stretch out when his body needed it, the lack of available favorite snacks and drinks on the road, the chaos of a hotel room, and the absence of a schedule while there.

The result? A child that screamed, threw toys around, harassed the dog, twisted himself up in his seat belt, and repeatedly kicked the back of the driver’s seat while I was trying to safely operate our vehicle. In the hotel he was hyper, loud, and severely discombobulated when it came to what he expected would happen while we were there.

What my daughter, her friend and I saw and were annoyed by, of course, can’t possibly compare to the discomfort, frustration, and confusion he experienced from being thrust into this situation unarmed. Oh, and when you ask your child if they want to bring their favorite supports and they say “no” – PACK THEM ANYWAY! They don’t know that they will need them!

So here’s a look back at what I could have done right (and will do next time!):

Weigh it out

I was so concerned with getting on the road on time that I did not prepare. How long would it really have taken for me to pack additional items and take the time to talk to him about what was happening? How much time would it have added to our trip to make a few more stops? I’m sure the dog would have appreciated it, too!

For a few extra minutes of planning and preparing, I could have avoided frustration for all of us during this trip. LESSON LEARNED!