Spirit of Autism Puberty

Puberty, Autism and Emotional Shutdowns

Spirit of Autism Puberty“The universe hates me!”

My son came stomping out of his room and collapsed onto the floor, heaving a huge sigh of frustration.

Unfortunately, this is not a new scene in my house, as I also have a 16-year old daughter. ‘Nuff said. But more importantly, puberty and autism can create a vicious cocktail that seems to bring on extremely magnified sensory issues, increased hyperactivity, regressive behaviors, and a whole lot of unexplained emotions. My boy just turned 12, but we started experiencing a profusion of puberty related issues as early as nine.

“The universe is incapable of hating, sweetie. What’s wrong?”

Evidently he had built a statue of his Minecraft skin in one of the game’s worlds and he told me that his friend destroyed it.  Minecraft is a unique multiplayer computer game where you learn survival skills and build custom worlds. The creative and building aspects of Minecraft allow players to build constructions out of textured cubes in a 3D world.

First and foremost, I was extremely proud of his ability to articulate to me that he was upset, the reason he was upset, and that he had worked very hard on the statue and it had taken him a long time. This is a HUGE milestone for us! But before we had a chance to begin talking about it, everything started going wrong for him. Everything he touched seemed to break or malfunction. He tried to pet the dogs and they ran away from him. His sister yelled at him for seemingly no reason.

I know from experience that when you have the “everything sucks” filter on, your experiences will follow suit. You know, like when you start out having a bad day it seems that your car won’t start, you spill coffee on yourself, you mess up a client proposal… have you ever had a day like that?

So the first thing I had to do was help diffuse his “universe hates me” perspective, starting with three deep and centering breaths together.

Delayed responses are another typical experience for Autistic children, and once I thought he was in a calmer place (about 30 minutes later), he started crying uncontrollably about the loss of his statue. It was that real guttural crying, too; I felt horrible. I consoled him and acknowledged that he felt upset that his statue was destroyed.

We then talked about choices. I told him he could either play one of his other favorite games (offline) to help get his mind off of it for now or he could choose to talk to his friend and tell him that his feelings were hurt. He could ask him why he destroyed the statue and open the lines of communication.

He had already removed his friend from his Skype list and blocked him from his server! His impulsivity coupled with an intensity of emotions he wasn’t accustomed to had caused him to overreact and shut down.

Once the tears were dry, we played a game called “5 Other Things”. I learned this gold nugget of a coping skill as a teenager and it’s never failed me. The idea is that it’s not what happens to us that causes emotional distress, rather our interpretation of it.  For instance, if a person doesn’t show up for a meeting with me I might immediately feel hurt and angry, assuming I had been blown off. This could rapidly lead to a barrage of negative thoughts: “Did they even INTEND to show up? Am I not good enough for a simple text or phone call letting me know? Who do they think they are?!” etc.

“5 Other Things” forces you to step outside of that neural pattern and look at some other possibilities for the event in question. Was there a family emergency? Are they simply running late? Car trouble? Did one of us write down the wrong day?

Naturally, if someone does this sort of thing to you regularly, “5 Other Things” is not the answer… getting a new friend is J

Being that my son didn’t SEE his statue being destroyed (it was simply gone when he logged back in to the server), we looked at some other possibilities:

  • Did another person playing on that server do it?
  • Did the game malfunction somehow?
  • Could his friend have accidentally done it?
  • Was the site hacked?
  • Did aliens land on earth and destroy all human forms of online entertainment? (Silly can be good if you’re trying to break neural patterns!)

“5 Other Things” worked! After some investigating (and a proven screenshot alibi of the suspect, ha!) he and his NOW UNBLOCKED friend discovered that the server crashed and the world was restored from an earlier version… before he had built the statue.

What a great learning opportunity this was for us! When puberty, autism and emotional shutdowns occur, we now have a blueprint:

  1. Take three deep breaths together
  2. Encourage him to share what is wrong, and praise him for being able to name it
  3. Help diffuse the “everything sucks” filter or mindset
  4. Acknowledge the feelings he is experiencing without judgment or criticism
  5. Play the “5 Other Things” game – without fear of getting a little silly!
soa minecraft

How Minecraft Teaches My Son Life Skills

soa minecraft

Image courtesy of minecraftercamp.com

In the video game world, I never really graduated past the Atari 2600 that debuted in 1977 and a few of the high-tech games that came with it: Combat, Pac-Man, Space Invaders, Adventure, Kaboom… you get the picture.

My kids, however, are huge gamers. From role-playing games that take months to complete to single-person shooter games, I’ve become well-versed in them all. I don’t play them, but I ask a lot of questions and study the terminology and story lines until I understand and can relate to the world my kids live in much of the time.

Video games really get a bad rap.  They’re seen as mind-numbing screen time that fries brain cells, with a side order of violent behavior. I disagree. That’s like saying heavy metal causes suicide.  Remember that one?

My kids played their first computer games as toddlers; Dr. Seuss taught them matching, spelling, music, coordination, maze navigation, and more. This did not replace reading! It was an additional tool to enhance their learning experience.

Today my kids are part of vast online video game communities, where they have made real-life friends in other cities AND countries!

My son began playing Minecraft on his computer almost a year ago. In this game you can create worlds from scratch, build your own towns, tools, weapons and avatars.  You can play alone or on servers where you plan communities with other people playing the game.

Is it frying his brain, or teaching him valuable life skills? Read on to see what he is learning and let me know what you think.

Math, Resources and Engineering

When you set out to build a structure you have to punch trees to gather the amount of wood needed to build what you have in mind. Then you have to find it in your inventory and turn it into wooden planks or blocks, which are now available to use for building and crafting things.

In order to build a structure that is functional, you must develop math and spacial reasoning skills, figuring out in your head how many blocks will be necessary for a foundation. You can team up with others and create entire cities from your imagination, complete with fountains, statues, stores and residential homes. All without any formal engineering classes.

Science

There are multiple biomes in Minecraft – different types of environments with similar climactic conditions to the ones on Earth. My son plays in the Taiga Biome (a snow biome), the Plains, Jungles, Forest, Extreme Hills, Ocean Biomes, and more.

Here he learns about 61 different biomes with varying geographical features, flora, heights, temperatures, humidity ratings, and sky and foliage colors. Introduced in the Halloween Update, biomes separate every generated world into different environments, paralleling the real world.

He also learns about diamonds, obsidian, gold, iron, and other gemstones, as well as the layers of the earth. He talks about which things can be mined, smelted or avoided, like bedrock and lava. 

Problem Solving

When you begin the game (called “spawning”) you are in the middle of the nothing, with only trees, caves and a few roaming animals. Starting at sundown you will start seeing all sorts of monsters that will attack you, like Creepers, zombies, skeletons, spiders, and wolves. You have to learn very quickly with no instructions that you must survive the night. You have to cut down trees and build some type of shelter, as well as watch your hunger bar. If you don’t find food you will die.

You are not just “reacting” in a game like this; you must come up with a strategy in minutes that includes hunting for food, building shelter, mining coal for your torch and making tools – all from the natural resources available in the game.

Beyond a strategy for surviving the night, you then have to build a world that is sustainable. You can plant gardens, set up farms, build crafting tables, weapons, and tools for both mining and protection against the nighttime monsters. If you die you can lose everything that you’ve accumulated throughout the game – all your resources, tools and hard work!

Research

My son never asks me how to do anything in his game, or when writing a custom script or installing a mod or texture pack (say what?). He has a task or idea and immediately refers to online Wikis, YouTube and forums for tutorials. He learns about the more complex functions like building irrigation systems or functioning items for his house like a fireplace.

Spelling, Grammar and Communication

As I mentioned earlier, my son has met children all over the world via Minecraft servers. He set up his own Skype account and has a network of players at any given time. He speaks, types and builds simultaneously with these friends.

He informed me earlier that when he meets “noobs” he thinks it’s funny that they can’t spell anything. I got a kick out of that – it seems that the longer you play this game the better your spelling and grammar become!

Teamwork

When Skyping with others and playing Minecraft, they are learning to work together to gather food for the community, build stores to sell armor, weapons and food, and engineer new cities.  My son learns how each of these friends communicates best, and he also learns how to settle disputes, compromise, and respect the wishes of others when it comes to how things function in their game world.

I know it seems like kids are “wasting time” on video games. But I have seen my son apply so many of these skills to real life problems or situations and I have been blown away! I don’t think it’s changed him, I think it enhances and sharpens the way his brain already works to bring out his natural strengths. All in a way that he understands and relates to.

If your child plays Minecraft, I encourage you to ask questions, listen to what he or she does and how they’ve figured out how to do it. You will be amazed at the creativity, imagination, problem solving, and overall life skills being grown and flexed through what seems to be a simple game (with really bad graphics).

To see how educators across America are using Minecraft in the classroom, visit MinecraftAfterCamp.com!

Does your child play Minecraft or a similar game? What have they learned from it? What have YOU learned from it? Share by commenting below!

SOA Gifts of Autism

The Gifts of Autism

I was recently sent a tweet from Ryan McTavish, a brilliant and talented drummer who also happens to be Autistic. He asked me to watch his talent show performance video to raise positive awareness for Autism. Being a musician myself, I was beyond blown away by the gifts of this young man.

Before going any further with my thoughts and musings, here is the video he sent me:

Amazing, right?

This video made me think more about the gifts of Autism. Of course I see them in my son every day; I brag about him all the time!

He used to play online games, and then one day he was messing around and pulled up the code for the game. He changed some formulas and scripts and said, “Look, Mom! When I change this to <blah blah blah numbers and letters I don’t understand> the background of the game changes!”

This spawned a creative interest that resulted in him writing his own custom video games, filming his screen while showing custom “tips and tricks” and posting it all on his YouTube channel as a tutorial.

Gifts vs. Deficits

I currently train Emergency Responders and businesses how to recognize, respond to and best communicate with people with Autism. I love this career I’ve created for myself and am blessed to be doing something that truly makes a difference in people’s lives.

The part I don’t like as much is that I have to stay somewhat focused on the deficits and challenges faced every day by those on the Spectrum. I educate on Sensory Processing issues, communication struggles, missed social cues, muscle development issues, and more.

It’s great that I’m bringing awareness and action into businesses and public safety. But what they don’t get to see are all the gifts I experience on a daily basis from raising my son.  They don’t know how kind and good-natured he is, or how innocently he views the world. He marches to his own beat and knows what is in his best alignment.

He sings and hums all day long. He gets on Skype and teaches new friends how to play and build in Minecraft. He hugs the dogs and tells them they’re beautiful. He always kills spiders for his terrified older sister, no matter how much she teased him or yelled at him minutes earlier. He offers the last cookie before taking it. He delights in taking walks and gets excited about Nutella sandwiches.

He sees the world so differently than I do, and I am grateful that I get to go into his world and catch glimpses of his perspective as often as I do.

Yes, I want to help him with his challenges. Yes, I want to help him be more independent. Yes, I want to support and teach him about making it in the world. And I do all of these things. But most of all, I am the one learning from him. And that’s the greatest gift of all.

What gifts of Autism are you most thankful for? Share by commenting below or posting to the SOA Facebook page or on Twitter using #GiftsOfAutism!