autistic child disrespectful

Why is My Child So Disrespectful?

Have you ever enrolled your child in a great therapeutic or alternative program that offered improvements in behavior? Maybe things are cruising along, everyone’s in the flow… and then bam! Suddenly your child seems WORSE than before! Now there is some backtalk and strong opinions about things where there was harmony and eager-to-please attitudes before.

Or maybe you have a great set of tools that have been working for certain struggles at home or in school and then suddenly they stop. They wear off. The rewards lost their power and any consequences don’t seem to matter.

It’s very frustrating and confusing, especially when you can’t identify reasons or patterns. Erratic and disrespectful deeds and outbursts seem to be all you encounter.

If you’re like me, you immediately start analyzing where you think you’ve gone wrong as a parent, or what rules you are too relaxed about, or what changes should be made effective immediately to end this new attitude in your home.

Before you start calling military schools or Nanny 911, take a step back and consider what might be going on. It may not be disrespect at all!

There is a big picture. One that your child cannot identify for him or herself, so you have to play detective: be open-minded and look for some clues.

Sensory Processing issues

Is there a possibility of sensory overload present when you see these behaviors? Could something have changed in your home? A new vacuum, different light bulbs, more chaos (especially around the holidays!) or a family stress? What about different clothing or new foods? If you were being assaulted by your senses daily, you might “act out” to seek refuge or override an impending meltdown. To others this would look like a tantrum or behavior issue, but it may be as simple as making some adjustments in your home to accommodate oversensitive eyes or ears.

Fear from a change or disruption in routine

Many of us witnessed a great many outbursts and regression of old behaviors in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. Simple things like not having the right cereal bowl when you give your child breakfast may set off a litany of bad behaviors or verbal outbursts that seem unreasonable or like our child is seriously overreacting. What you’re seeing is your child’s need for safety and order. This is not a logical discussion or something you can “reason your child out of”. Order, safety and stability are basic human needs and they are magnified in situations that are happening outside of your child’s control (and outside of yours in many cases!).

Have empathy and try to keep as many of the routines and rituals intact as possible. Use social stories to explain natural disasters or other really tough situations.

Hormones

When puberty enters the picture you may have to throw everything you know out the window. It doesn’t matter how many years it’s been since progress was made or a behavior was licked. I dedicated a whole article to puberty and Autism that explains some of the lovely, odd things you may experience during this time.

Among these are unexpected rage over small incidents, new food likes and dislikes, sleep schedules running amok, regression of old behaviors, appetite changes, and sensory issues that are tenfold. Remember, if you’re having a hard time, imagine what your child is experiencing!

“Healing crisis”

This is a tricky one. When you see regression or outbursts you automatically assume something’s not working. However, it very well could be the opposite. Here’s a sensitive analogy:

When an alcoholic gets sober they assume life will be kittens and rainbows because they’ve stopped drinking. After all, drinking caused their problems, right? What really happens is all of the mucky feelings and issues that were being suppressed with alcohol come floating to the surface and the alcoholic must learn to now deal with these emotions in a new and healthy way. It takes time and work! New tools, new skill sets and lots of support are required.

When your child gets some of the major sensory issues out of the way with a new therapy, diet or treatment the same thing is happening. The fog is being lifted and now they must learn how to deal with the world in a new way. In some cases, your angel may be finding their voice for the first time. They might be exercising their right to an opinion, or learning to say no. This is a time for support and patience, even though it may feel like you want to start over or jump to the next option because this doesn’t seem to be working.

Lack of empathy skills

I have to constantly remind myself of this one. Right now, my son does not have the skills to understand what something might feel like to someone else. We are certainly making progress! He is so intelligent and advanced in so many ways that this one is easy for me to consistently overlook.

If you only knew how many times he hurt one of us or one of our dogs with proprioceptive crashing or impulsive behaviors and I blurted out, “How would YOU feel if someone did this to you?!?!?!”

“Um… dunno.”

I always thought this was disrespect, but he truly doesn’t know! We are now learning to try and equate something I would like to something he can relate to, and I’m seeing great results with this new method. For instance, when I don’t want him screaming in my face and jumping on me, I point out a time when he needed his space alone in his room to finish programming his new Mario world and then I ask for the same space.

Just being a child

Another one that flies out the window for me often. I am so entrenched in the world of Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder that I have to stop and realize sometimes he’s just being a boy! I have two brothers. One used to throw dried dog poop down the back of my shirt. During winter he would pack snow around a rock when we had snowball fights and nail me in the head. A brother’s job is to find his sibling’s hot buttons and push them as often and as creatively as possible.

Autism is not a “get out of jail free” card when it comes to unacceptable behavior for my child. It can be tough to discern what is bad behavior and what is self protection from a confusing world. I have to have boundaries and rules, but I can also have an understanding of the real meaning behind the behaviors so my choices come from a place of empathy and love when it’s time to take action as a parent.

What about you? How do you know when it’s disrespect and when it’s a behavior issue? Share your comments below of post them on the SOA Facebook page!

Demystifying Alternative Therapies for Children with Autism

Reposted with permission from Healthism.

For parents of children on the Autism Spectrum figuring out treatment can be tough. The spectrum is vast and children have different symptoms and triggers that require different treatments. There are a number of ways to treat your child’s needs through different therapies – from the way you eat to different activities you do. That is why we’ve contacted the BEST of the best when it comes to Autism specialists to find out more about each treatment.  Here is what they had to say:

  1. GLUTEN FREE & ALL NATURAL DIETS

    WHAT IS IT?
    Improving your child’s health by changing what they eat.

    HOW DOES IT WORK?
    Children with Autism tend to have food sensitivities more than food allergies, the biggest offenders can be gluten and casein (casein is a protein in dairy products and gluten is found in wheat, barley, rye, and some oats). Some autistic children have vast improvements on a Gluten Free Casein Free diet (GFCF) while other do not.

    Also, a diet of minimally processed, or foods in as close to their natural state as possible, can help some children with Autism. One common symptom of Autism is gastrointestinal (GI) upset because children with Autism often lack, or have very low levels, of detoxification and digestive enzymes. This leads to poor digestion and absorption of food and nutrients resulting in a multitude both behavioral and physical symptoms. Minimally processed or all natural foods contain less potential GI and behavioral triggers which can mean all the difference to a child with Autism.

    HOW DOES IT HELP? The first major improvement is an almost immediate reduction in GI distress. The effects vary, but some parents have actually proclaimed to have “gotten their child back” due to the vast improvement in behavior and reduction in autism symptoms.

    Also, almost everyone notes a positive change from shifting to a natural diet. A recent study found that autistic children who experienced chronic GI distress had the greatest improvements in behavior and social interaction when compared with autistic children without significant GI distress.

    Colleen Hurley, RD is a Wholistic practitioner, Registered Dietitian, Certified Kid’s Nutrition Specialist, and a Master Gardener offering wellness education through services and her website at www.colleenhurleyrd.com.

    Debi Taylor, Autism Specialist; www.SpiritOfAutism.org

  2. CRANIO-SACRAL THERAPY WHAT IS IT? Improving Health by Allowing The Breath of Life to Do It’s Job

    HOW IS IT ADMINISTERED? Biodynamic Craniosacral therapy orients and magnifies the forces that direct cells to do their job. It has one foot rooted in anatomy, and another in what practitioners call the breath of life that breathes in all of our cells every second. Healing occurs by these forces communicating more strongly, and clearly in a person’s energy field and body and tissue field. It works at the root level of health which is the quantum physics of the body.

    The breath of life is the similar to electricity in that it’s used everyday as it breathes and directs each cell. Practitioners do not quite understand how it happens, but with Autism these forces can be blocked by various conditions at birth, in-utero, from genetics, and from environmental toxins. Biodynamic Craniosacral therapy allows the body to show the practitioner what level it wants to work on. It orients towards the forces that are present from conception on, to magnify them to heal areas where the body is less connected to these baseline forces specialists call the breath of life.

    When cells and the entire body connect more to these forces of health, the body heals on emotional, mental, physical, and energetic levels. Craniosacral therapy will improve one’s health by strengthening the body’s innate intelligence and a sense of well being occurs.

    HOW DOES IT HELP? Some practitioners have had good results with this, as Craniosacral therapy supports whatever is needed at anytime. The affects are direct and indirect. Treatment can magnify other therapies as well as support maximizing the child’s brain development. When children and their parents receive Craniosacral therapy (as both should be treated since they are all in a unit) it supports their nervous system, immune system, and more, as healing happens where it is needed.

    It is believed that only the body knows exactly what it needs, the practitioner just holds the proper container for healing to happen. While the practitioner is tracking what is happening with their client, they make sure to “get out of the way” to allow the breath of life to do the job.

    Dr. Kate Klemer has been practicing Cranial work since 1986. She has studied various forms of the work. Over the past 10 years she has been training to be a teacher of biodynamic craniosacral therapy. www.drkateklemer.com.

  3. EQUINE-ASSISTED THERAPY WHAT IS IT? Help through horseback riding.

    HOW DOES IT WORK? After an initial application and intake process is done, a child may start a specific treatment plan specific to their needs. This will include elements of occupational, speech and language, physical, and cognitive behavioral therapies. While a child may spend up to 45 minutes riding they also work on daily living skills. They are taught the daily care of a horse like grooming and feeding which is paralleled to their own self daily care. LifeStriders Therapeutic Riding Center also makes sure to include sensory integration, so the children are playing games and doing activities while riding.

    HOW DOES IT HELP? Many people with disabilities don’t have a normal gait, a common symptom of many children with Autism. When a person is not moving how they were meant to move the brain doesn’t get certain kinds of stimulation. With Equine-Assisted Therapy a horse carries four beats per step, so a child’s brain is getting stimulation they wouldn’t get with their normal two beats per step.

    There have also been studies that show that oxytocin, or the bonding hormone, is released during riding. A result of this is an increase in sustained contact. And while the brain is stimulated week after week they’ve seen increased verbalization in most of their non-verbal patients. Many non-verbal students even say their first words during riding, which is music to a parent’s ears.

    Veronica Sosa Agnoli, MS, LPC is the Executive Director of LifeStriders Therapeutic Riding Center, establishing LifeStriders as a leader in the field of Equine Facilitated Learning/Mental Health and therapeutic riding.

For more articles discussing tips for teachers, preparing them for college, great resource roundups, and more, visit http://blog.healthism.com/.

Have you used either of these therapies with your children? What have you seen that works or doesn’t work? Is there an alternative therapy you use that we haven’t covered?