Tag Archives: feelings

Mario Emotional Stage Index Cards

Using Emotional Stage Index Cards for Sensory Processing Issues

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Mario Emotional Stage Index CardsWhen speaking about Emotion Cards, there are two different types of uses and benefits: helping the child identify others’ unspoken emotional cues and helping identify the child’s own stages before a potential meltdown.

Both are extremely helpful in introducing emotional identification, understanding, and regulation. During tonight’s Web TV show, Austin and I talked about  Emotional Stages index cards that my son and I created. During his first grade year I believe they were responsible for a real quantum shift toward our goal of helping him identify and self-correct some of his pre-meltdown behaviors.

The challenge

What we were finding in school was that during certain transitions throughout the day he would start exhibiting behaviors that indicated his difficulty adjusting in some capacity. Handled incorrectly or ignored, these behaviors would quickly spiral toward loss of control.

My idea was that I wanted him to start to recognize when his body or senses started feeling a little squirrelly so that he could either self-correct if able, or ask for help appropriately (e.g., a sensory break or a walk around the school with the special ed professional).  By teaching him to identify the signs and stages of losing control, he could hopefully have access to the support he needed and decrease the number of incidents where his behavior did reach that point of no return.

The cards

Justin and I took five index cards and numbered them one through five. He then drew a Mario face on each one, with number one being calm and happy. These faces progressed with two and three – feeling a little uncomfortable and weird – and on to four and five, which represented needing help and finally a complete meltdown.

We then laminated them, punched holes in the upper left corners and put them on a key ring for him to carry with him. Each morning I walked into class with him, did some sensory exercises, and asked him to identify how he felt with one of the number cards. In most cases, the amount of exercises done would directly correspond to his number, and our goal was to have him at a one or two before I would leave the classroom for the day.

The result

This number system quickly became a simple means to have him check in with himself throughout the day. For numbers three and four he had a set list of appropriate suggestions to help him get back to a one or two. Even when we experienced days where a five was reached, the stage was at least identified quickly, allowing the teachers to activate an “emergency plan” we wrote into his IEP.

I honestly feel that having Justin create these cards with me and begin to use them really helped him get to know himself in a systematic and linear way that he could clearly understand. They helped him with his feelings, they helped take the guesswork out of the picture for the teachers, and they helped our family both at home and any public outings.

What have you used in your house that helps identify emotions and stages of behaviors? I’d love for you to share!

Intro to NVC for Asperger’s Teens and Adults

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If you are a teen or adult on the Autism Spectrum or a parent or professional that engages with someone on the Autism spectrum, you may be interested in how the Social Skills practices of NVC can serve you.

My new friend Bob Yamtich is an Aspie adult who is trained in a social skills process called Nonviolent CommunicationSM (NVC). He has shared this process at Asperger’s support groups in the San Francisco Bay Area and many people shared how much it contributes to them in their communications.

He is visiting Atlanta and offering an introductory Tuesday, June 19, from 7 to 9 pm at the workshop space of local NVC trainers in Tucker. It will be will be a combination of mini-lessons, live modeling, and active practice will help participants get an introduction to Nonviolent CommunicationSM. Bob invites teens and adults on the autism spectrum, and professionals and parents who work with people on the spectrum.

Some great things included in this workshop:

  • Mini-lessons include distinctions between needs and strategies and between empathy and sympathy
  • What clues can we use, both cognitive and feelings-based, to connect to what we and others care about?
  • Learning self-connection, using logical abilities to hear what is important to somebody, and developing authentic self-expression

So what the heck is NVC?

I absolutely love the description on the site of local GaNVC trainers, Sacred Space:

What is unique about Nonviolent Communication (NVC), beyond other restorative and life-enriching tools, is that it gets us out of our stories — the stories that we’ve already told over and over to no avail to deaf or disinterested ears, without relief. NVC moves us beyond relating what’s happening to us via analysis, blame, criticism, evaluation, or judgment — beyond stories based on verbal violence. NVC helps us address what’s alive in us today … this moment … so that our histories don’t continue to overshadow and dictate our present.

The tools of Nonviolent Communication help us reach the frustrated needs behind strong feelings and the stories. NVC connects us with others through attention to the universal needs that we all share, thereby fostering empathy. NVC fosters understanding, genuine connection and the resulting opportunity to jointly co-create strategies for resolution that can address the needs of all concerned. This practice can help assure that all voices are valued and heard before strategies are formed.

I am very excited to learn more about the connection Bob has discovered between NVC and helping those on the Autism Spectrum be more in touch with their needs and feelings. I know this knowledge will help me in my training programs for Emergency Responders.

If you are local to Atlanta and wish to attend this workshop, please RSVP to Bob at bobyamtich@gmail.com.

Download the flyer here for more information, or to print and share.

I will be posting a follow up regarding what I learned, so look for that soon!

Siblings in the Shadows

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“It’s not fair! Everything you say is always about Autism, Autism, Autism! You always write about him and put his pictures everywhere!”

My firstborn gets a little sensitive about my website and the training classes, workshops and marketing materials I create. Sure, I can remind her about all the special privileges she receives and the times we go places without her brother. But that isn’t what she wants to hear. She wants to know that she’s valued, unique, and most of all, heard.

Here are some things I’ve learned along the way about how to make sure siblings feel included.

Don’t keep them in the dark. The unknown is scary to children – especially when it’s surrounded by energy that may be tense and anxious. They are extremely sensitive to your feelings, so sugar coating or avoiding the subject of Autism in the home causes more disharmony than protect your child’s feelings.

Additionally, you should be open (in an age appropriate way) about what’s behind certain behaviors and that they are rarely, if ever intentional. Impulsivity is hard to explain, but there are some amazing children’s books out now on the subject of siblings and Autism. It’s a great place to start.

Consistent rewards. It’s easy to get caught up in praising your child with Autism for every mark of progress and milestone. It is necessary. You may be missing the fact that every reward is also being counted by the sibling… and if the score isn’t evened they will remember.

Find a way to celebrate and recognize every achievement from all of your children as special.

This can also go the other way: many times my daughter will feel that her brother doesn’t get a just punishment for something she may have gotten in trouble for previously. Situations like that can indeed be a sticky-wicket, as your child with ASD rarely breaks rules intentionally. Unwanted behaviors still need to be addressed, and it helps to explain to siblings that discipline may be unique to each family member but no one is “getting away with it”.

Sibling-only time. Often parenting our child with Autism requires an unequal amount time and energy for that child. It’s so important to schedule regular one-on-one time with your neurotypical child. Whether it’s a ritual of ten-minute blocks each night before bed or a once a week “girls night out” (in my case it’s my daughter), this time is to be treasured together.

Support and expectations. It’s important for siblings to feel that they are not alone in their experiences. There are many sibling support groups to share their struggles and feelings, but don’t force it. In our case, my daughter had a good time visiting one of our local groups but quickly discovered that being with people that focus on talking about her brother still makes her feel like the world revolves around him. She flourishes when involved in a group that is uniquely hers – an improv comedy troupe, art school, and Dungeons & Dragons are some of her favorites.

Equally as important, do not expect your child to be overly responsible for the child with Autism. Unrealistic expectations can lay an unbearable amount of pressure on siblings. This isn’t a free pass to skirt all family responsibility; check in often and encourage open communication throughout the journey.

What are some ways that you keep siblings out of the shadows and keep things “fair” in your house?

How to Make and Use Emotional Stage Index Cards

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When speaking about Emotion Cards, there are two different types of uses and benefits: helping the child identify others’ unspoken emotional cues and helping identify the child’s own stages before a potential meltdown.

Both are extremely helpful in introducing emotional identification, understanding, and regulation. Last year my son and I created Emotional Stages index cards and they proved to be invaluable. During his first grade year I believe they were responsible for a real quantum shift toward our goal of helping him identify and self-correct some of his pre-meltdown behaviors.

The challenge

What we were finding in school was that during certain transitions throughout the day he would start exhibiting behaviors that indicated his difficulty adjusting in some capacity. Handled incorrectly or ignored, these behaviors would quickly spiral toward loss of control.

My idea was that I wanted him to start to recognize when his body or senses started feeling a little squirrelly so that he could either self-correct if able, or ask for help appropriately (e.g., a sensory break or a walk around the school with the special ed professional).  By teaching him to identify the signs and stages of losing control, he could hopefully have access to the support he needed and decrease the number of incidents where his behavior did reach that point of no return.

The cards

Justin and I took five index cards and numbered them one through five. We then drew a face on each one, with number one being calm and happy. These faces progressed with two and three – feeling a little uncomfortable and weird – and on to four and five, which represented needing help and finally a complete meltdown.

We then laminated them, punched holes in the upper left corners and put them on a key ring for him to carry with him. Each morning I walked into class with him, did some sensory exercises, and asked him to identify how he felt with one of the number cards. In most cases, the amount of exercises done would directly correspond to his number, and our goal was to have him at a one or two before I would leave the classroom for the day.

The result

This number system quickly became a simple means to have him check in with himself throughout the day. For numbers three and four he had a set list of appropriate suggestions to help him get back to a one or two. Even when we experienced days where a five was reached, the stage was at least identified quickly, allowing the teachers to activate an “emergency plan” we wrote into his IEP.

I honestly feel that having Justin create these cards with me and begin to use them really helped him get to know himself in a systematic and linear way that he could clearly understand. They helped him with his feelings, they helped take the guesswork out of the picture for the teachers, and they helped our family both at home and any public outings.

What have you used in your house that helps identify emotions and stages of behaviors? I’d love for you to share!