Spirit of Autism Puberty

Puberty, Autism and Emotional Shutdowns

Spirit of Autism Puberty“The universe hates me!”

My son came stomping out of his room and collapsed onto the floor, heaving a huge sigh of frustration.

Unfortunately, this is not a new scene in my house, as I also have a 16-year old daughter. ‘Nuff said. But more importantly, puberty and autism can create a vicious cocktail that seems to bring on extremely magnified sensory issues, increased hyperactivity, regressive behaviors, and a whole lot of unexplained emotions. My boy just turned 12, but we started experiencing a profusion of puberty related issues as early as nine.

“The universe is incapable of hating, sweetie. What’s wrong?”

Evidently he had built a statue of his Minecraft skin in one of the game’s worlds and he told me that his friend destroyed it.  Minecraft is a unique multiplayer computer game where you learn survival skills and build custom worlds. The creative and building aspects of Minecraft allow players to build constructions out of textured cubes in a 3D world.

First and foremost, I was extremely proud of his ability to articulate to me that he was upset, the reason he was upset, and that he had worked very hard on the statue and it had taken him a long time. This is a HUGE milestone for us! But before we had a chance to begin talking about it, everything started going wrong for him. Everything he touched seemed to break or malfunction. He tried to pet the dogs and they ran away from him. His sister yelled at him for seemingly no reason.

I know from experience that when you have the “everything sucks” filter on, your experiences will follow suit. You know, like when you start out having a bad day it seems that your car won’t start, you spill coffee on yourself, you mess up a client proposal… have you ever had a day like that?

So the first thing I had to do was help diffuse his “universe hates me” perspective, starting with three deep and centering breaths together.

Delayed responses are another typical experience for Autistic children, and once I thought he was in a calmer place (about 30 minutes later), he started crying uncontrollably about the loss of his statue. It was that real guttural crying, too; I felt horrible. I consoled him and acknowledged that he felt upset that his statue was destroyed.

We then talked about choices. I told him he could either play one of his other favorite games (offline) to help get his mind off of it for now or he could choose to talk to his friend and tell him that his feelings were hurt. He could ask him why he destroyed the statue and open the lines of communication.

He had already removed his friend from his Skype list and blocked him from his server! His impulsivity coupled with an intensity of emotions he wasn’t accustomed to had caused him to overreact and shut down.

Once the tears were dry, we played a game called “5 Other Things”. I learned this gold nugget of a coping skill as a teenager and it’s never failed me. The idea is that it’s not what happens to us that causes emotional distress, rather our interpretation of it.  For instance, if a person doesn’t show up for a meeting with me I might immediately feel hurt and angry, assuming I had been blown off. This could rapidly lead to a barrage of negative thoughts: “Did they even INTEND to show up? Am I not good enough for a simple text or phone call letting me know? Who do they think they are?!” etc.

“5 Other Things” forces you to step outside of that neural pattern and look at some other possibilities for the event in question. Was there a family emergency? Are they simply running late? Car trouble? Did one of us write down the wrong day?

Naturally, if someone does this sort of thing to you regularly, “5 Other Things” is not the answer… getting a new friend is J

Being that my son didn’t SEE his statue being destroyed (it was simply gone when he logged back in to the server), we looked at some other possibilities:

  • Did another person playing on that server do it?
  • Did the game malfunction somehow?
  • Could his friend have accidentally done it?
  • Was the site hacked?
  • Did aliens land on earth and destroy all human forms of online entertainment? (Silly can be good if you’re trying to break neural patterns!)

“5 Other Things” worked! After some investigating (and a proven screenshot alibi of the suspect, ha!) he and his NOW UNBLOCKED friend discovered that the server crashed and the world was restored from an earlier version… before he had built the statue.

What a great learning opportunity this was for us! When puberty, autism and emotional shutdowns occur, we now have a blueprint:

  1. Take three deep breaths together
  2. Encourage him to share what is wrong, and praise him for being able to name it
  3. Help diffuse the “everything sucks” filter or mindset
  4. Acknowledge the feelings he is experiencing without judgment or criticism
  5. Play the “5 Other Things” game – without fear of getting a little silly!
autism summer safety tips

Summer Safety Tips for Parents of Children with Autism

Summertime,

And the livin’ is easy…

Well, that doesn’t always ring true for parents of Autistic children! Safety concerns become heightened when the weather turns nice and schedules are more lax.

Having an Autistic son has brought things I’d never before imagined having to be prepared for into my experience. Here are some safety tips I’ve pulled from my own experiences and some great ideas from May Institute that can help you be prepared so you can relax and enjoy the summer with your child.

Water safety

Drowning is the number one cause of death in autistic children. Many children with Autism are powerfully drawn to the water but do not understand the dangers.

Always be within arm’s reach of the child when he or she is in or around any open water. Be sure to drain bathtubs and other small containers of water when you are finished using them – a child can drown in an inch of water. Put safety locks on toilet seats and hot tubs and monitor or cover landscape ponds if you can.

Teach your child to swim as early as possible. If they struggle with traditional swimming strokes, they can learn a water survival technique called drownproofing, which will help them stay afloat until help arrives.

Wandering prevention

Children with ASD are likely to act impulsively, including running away or wandering.

Use deadbolt locks, keep doors and windows locked and install an alarm on doors. Motion detectors and window bars may also be appropriate.

For children who respond well to visual cues, consider placing STOP or DO NOT ENTER signs on all doors that open to the outside. These can be powerful reminders.

You can find seven more vital tips for wandering prevention, including the use of QR Code apparel in this article.

Getting your information to emergency responders

If it is available in your area, register your family on Smart911. Whether an Autistic child has wandered, is having a medical emergency, or a behavioral emergency, it is vital to communicate that they have Autism and understand the response may require very specific actions.

Participate in local community safety fairs where there are opportunities to meet actual police, firefighters, and emergency response professionals that work in your community in an environment that is friendly and fun. This may increase the chances that your child will respond positively to first responders in the future.

If available, submit a disability indicator form to your local law enforcement agency to help alert law enforcement that a person residing at that address may require special assistance during an emergency. You can also create a more detailed handout with information about your child and have printed and electronic formats available so you can readily provide it to search and rescue personnel in the event of an incident.

It’s also a good idea to give your neighbors a handout with a picture of your child and emergency contact information. It should describe effective ways to approach, communicate with, and calm your child. Ask them to contact you immediately if they see your child outside your home or property.

How about you? What summer safety tips work in your home? Share by commenting below or posting to the SOA Facebook page!

business woman holding up hands, "back up"

Special Needs Mothers Need Not Apply

My neighborhood has a special Women’s Club that meets regularly and hosts family-oriented social events. I’m going to be direct and get right to the point: I have been asked by several women not to attend any of these meetings because I have an Autistic child.

Bear in mind, I have never brought my son to a meeting, he has never been to a social event, he has never caused a neighborhood “ruckus.” He has Autism. It’s not contagious, scary or dangerous. There’s nothing unusual to stare at when you meet him. Why, then, am I blatantly cast out?

I have been a single mom for nine years. My children and I have lived on this block, renting my home, since our return from Knoxville two years ago. I have never brought a date home (what’s dating, ha ha!), had a loud party, had any questionable visitors, or been in trouble with the law. In fact, having disaster response training under my belt and being a volunteer with the Fire Department, I would be an amazing resource for the community if someone would dare get to know me.

I walk my two giant Malamutes at least twice a day and always wave and exchange small talk with everyone I meet. Everyone waves and smiles back, yet we’re still not allowed into “the club” (first rule of Fight Club is…). Worse yet, I continually get asked why I’m not seen at the club meetings, and am also labeled the “crazy homeschooling neighbor that doesn’t participate.”

This just compounds our history of being kicked out of restaurants, book stores, flights (!), and why no one in my family will visit us. I’ve also been told he’s not Autistic, it’s my parenting that’s the problem. That’s a good one!

With all the awareness work and training I do, why are we still experiencing this kind of response from people?

What should I do?

Well, I have some options about my neighborhood. I don’t have the energy to tackle public places at the moment (I will move one mountain at a time!), but here are my choices:

  • I can whine about how unfair it is and feel like a victim
  • I can say, “Oh well,” and let it roll off my back, like water off a duck
  • I can organize a neighborhood gathering of my own, or request to be a special “guest speaker” at the next one

If I can train law enforcement, EMTs, and firefighters about Autism, why can’t I put something unique together to present to my neighbors? It would be so beneficial for everyone to learn a little more about Autism and my son in particular. This way, when we have a wandering situation (which recently happened!), I can feel like my neighbors have my back rather than feeling like they are sitting in judgement. Sure, they may continue to judge me after they learn more, but that’s none of my business.

Now I’d like to hear from you

Have you ever felt persecuted by a group due to your (or your child’s) Autism? How did you respond? Would you like to learn more about giving a small presentation to your neighborhood? Share your comments below, drop me an email, or say something on the SOA Facebook page – I always love sharing thoughts and ideas with you.

You Hate My Autism!

Some of you may have seen my recent “controversial” question I posted about a startling conversation I had with my son. I asked anyone who felt comfortable to share with me your thoughts and experiences surrounding the topic and I received an overwhelming response! Thank you to every single person who chose to chime in via Twitter, Facebook, or email. I am grateful for your unique perspectives and I’d like to share some of them here.

Here’s the original short post again:

I recently had an extensive evaluation done for my son with a cutting edge, holistic achievement center. The program offered is intense and lengthy but convinced me that my son would be able to reverse most of his balance/coordination/motor skills issues, digestive issues, academic imbalances and sensory challenges.

I asked my son later if this program sounded fun and exciting to him, and if he would like to start. He immediately blurted out, “You hate my Autism. You want my Autism to go away.”

Wow. Not what I expected from my 10 year-old. But I hear him loud and clear.

I am not trying to change who he is at all. I want only the best for him, and felt it my parental duty to merely CONSIDER whether or not a program that can help him open up to his abilities without much of the struggle would be in his best interest. If it worked, of course.

What do you think? I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what I should do, what I want to hear from you is how you feel about your OWN situation.

Would relieving some of the struggles = changing who your child is or who you are in your opinion? Does it mean you don’t accept them, or are you empowering them with new tools?

Is trying to help your Autistic child DENYING who he/she is?

With all of your permission, I’ve chosen some of the key points of some of your responses that I wanted to share.

Robert said:

“I think it’s a tough balance. When people ask me if I want to be ‘cured,’ I have to admit I have a hard time not taking offense. To me, it’s like asking me if I want to be cured of my skin color, Autism being so definitive a part of my identity as a whole person.

Still, are there things with which I know I need help? Of course, but I don’t want that help to come at a cost of who I am. I also don’t want those interventions to define so much of the time in my life that I feel I’m not allowed to be myself.”

You can find more about Robert at simplyrobert.wordpress.com where he occasionally blogs about Autism, but more often about his Autistic interests. (I think it’s a great resource! Love the post on productivity!)

Another Autistic adult reminded me that an important aspect to consider is where the Autistic person might be coming from.  My eyes were opened to some really great points that I absolutely had to share with you:

“We live in a world that is not only ‘not made for people like us,’ but openly hostile to our differences. We are told, ‘Stop rocking!  Stop flapping!  Stop talking to yourself!’ without any consideration of what purpose these activities serve.

When we are bullied or mistreated, WE are the ones sent to ‘social skills training’ so we can ‘learn how to fit in’, as if it’s our fault for being so different. But I want to illustrate the general environment we face, and my point is that it can cause us to see ANY attempt to help as yet another way of squelching the person inside.

There are also people who feel that their Autistic traits are very much part of who they are, and taking them away would also be taking away a piece of themselves, even if that ‘piece’ causes a lot of apparent heartache.”

This reader does various therapies for her children but is careful not to frame them as “helping with Autism,” rather something they do to help them succeed in life (much like going to school or learning their ABCs).

Brilliantly put.

One of my favorite social media friends and fellow bloggers shared:

“Where does my Autism end and where do I begin? This nasty little quandary works just as well when reversed as well. I say your son is brilliant because he’s too young to be so self-aware. I’m both impressed and saddened that he’s already dealing with this one.  He needs more time to mature before tackling such heady stuff.

I confess. I’ve struggled with this one myself. If offered a cure for my own issues, I don’t think I’d take it. I’m not sure how much of me would go with the ‘bad stuff’.  I like some of the stuff that I KNOW a cure would take away.

He has to come to terms with the fact that Autism doesn’t define him.”

That is a fine line that I think must be explored at a pace that is comfortable for each individual.

My close friend in the Fire Rescue Reserve that assists me when I teach my Autism CERT module sent me a heartfelt testimonial after seeing my post:

“For me, through my early teen years after I was diagnosed, I constantly tried to dismiss the fact I had Autism, I felt ashamed, scared, and angry with the fact. At that time in the world little was known to the general public and many doctors about Autism. This in turn made it harder for me to accept. My parents tried many things and none really worked in the end. I had been diagnosed so many times and been to so many doctors I was starting to shut the world out and just didn’t want to accept the fact that I had Autism.

Later on in my late teens and early twenties I found that support group that I had been missing. This group consisted of both friends my age and their families near me. Through the experiences we shared I grew little by little and eventually learned how to deal with my Autism in my own way. These experiences have molded me into who I am today. Today I am finishing my criminal Justice degree. I also am a volunteer with a large metro area fire department which has provided a further opportunity to expand my support group. Through volunteering here I now assist with teaching of the community emergency response team class. This in turn has helped me practice being around people and learning social cues and understanding my Autism. In a big way volunteering has helped reduce the pangs that come with having Autism.”

I always hear great gems of wisdom when I invite his perspective into my teachings.

A wonderful parent told me:

“When my son was diagnosed with PDD, initially, as his Mom and as a clinical social worker, I wanted to get him all the help and services I possibly could! I had heard how early intervention was SO important and he was only diagnosed at age 6. So, I made sure we got an IEP, got him into a friendship group at school and a social skills group privately. I also got him OT to help with the sensory integration issues. I have to admit, although this was helpful in the beginning, this packed our schedule and we all felt extremely overbooked and stressed!

…my perspective began to change. I started placing him in supportive activities that he enjoys and feels help him. We continued the social skills group, but let the OT go (after a year of treatment), and instead, he joined a non-competitive swim team. The swim team allows my son to feel included in a sport, he may never win a race, but that doesn’t matter, to me what matters is that he feels like one of the other boys, included! I have since looked for other ways he can “fit in” with other kids, instead of looking for services specific to his diagnosis.

…we have accepted that our son will be different, it’s who he is and I really don’t want to change that, but, like you I want the best for him and don’t want to see him struggle too much. The older he gets, he’ll be nine this summer, the more I have been letting go and allowing him to learn more for himself about what is helpful to him. I have begun trusting in his ability to know what is best for him, as I don’t have the same issues he has.”

What a great reminder. At 10, I forget that he is aware of what serves him. Not to mention that the children coming forth today really are so much more connected to their inner “GPS” of what they want and need than we ever were!

Another social media friend I admire wrote:

“Tough question. Complex answer. I understand your desire to ‘normalize’ your son as much as is possible. There are things you describe that have real effect on us and our ability to live happy and fulfilling lives. This much cannot be denied.

On the other hand, we are what we are. While my Autism has handed me some wonderful abilities, it has also granted me vast lacuna in other abilities.

Still. . . Autism is not something added to a normal person. Autism is not something removed from a normal person. Autism is a large set of differences between one group of persons and everyone else.

Autism is identity which runs deeper than a name. Autism is what I am, it is the base upon which I build me.

…here is the key: the real indicator here, the only valid indicator, is your son’s voicing of his opinion.

Thank you for that reinforced point. He would not have expressed an opinion if he didn’t feel it strongly!

Another mom shared:

“A parent’s job is to help our children flourish, to become the best that they can be! I totally get that. I too try my best to help my son in anyway I can, without extremes…

As far as helping him with his balance/coordination/motor skills, in the long run, that is definitely going to benefit him. He will be able to take part in more ways when it comes to playing, maybe get picked to play with other kids, so I can see where that would help him.

If it were my son, I would let him have a say in the decision. Ask him why he does or doesn’t want to participate, get his point of view, and take it into consideration. Since it is about him, and it is his Autism.”

WOW! What amazing responses!

All this being said, we chose not to participate in that program. I also chose to check my perspective and make sure that I am in complete acceptance and appreciation for who both my children are when I engage with them. At all times. It has made a difference.

Am I giving up on finding additional tools and resources for him? No. After all I am always looking for tools, supports and resources for my daughter AND myself! It’s a journey. As Abraham-Hicks says, “You never get there. You’re never done.” What I DID give up was the urgency that something must be done to “help.” The inner panic that somehow I am not doing all I can for him.

As soon as I made this shift, this wonderful organization showed up in my inbox. That’s a pretty big wink from The Universe, eh?

I Took the 7 Link Challenge!

I was perusing through my favorite feeds and came across a unique content idea from ProBlogger that I just HAD to use!

The article recommends publishing a list of 7 links to posts that I (and others) have written in response to 7 categories, complete with reasons why I chose each particular post.

Here are my 7 links – I hope you enjoy them!

Your first post

Top Five Reasons I Volunteer Before I began my Autism site, I helped DeKalb County start a citizen branch of support for Fire Rescue. Along with several extraordinary team members and an amazing Captain, we formed a vision for what was known at that time as the Citizen Reserve and watched it come into fruition. It was an incredible experience. Since moving out of state, I watched Citizen Reserve change organization, duties, protocols, and eventually redefine itself. It seems to have circled back around to its original vision, and I can’t wait to be involved again in any capacity!

A post you enjoyed writing the most

… and That’s What Little Boys Are Made Of Writing to share my experiences and help others ALWAYS helps me. I can talk about being patient, kind, and empathetic with ease, but I am also a single (human!) mom that balances a LOT on my daily plate. I make mistakes. I get caught in pity parties and frustration at times. I lose my patience. This post was very therapeutic for me, as it reminded me that I don’t always have to live in an the analytical and diagnostic world of Autism. Sometimes my son is just being a boy!

A post which had a great discussion

Why Does My Autistic Child Scream?! I am always honored when someone experiencing the things I write about first hand comments on my posts or tweets. As much research and energy as I put into understanding my son, I am still an outsider when it comes to Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder. I don’t feel what he feels, or see the world quite the way he does, though I always give it my all! I was thrilled to read Jason’s thorough remarks about this post, especially when it was only my second post on the blog!

A post on someone else’s blog that you wish you’d written

Little Specks of Autism by stark. raving. mad. mommy. This post is just beautiful. I related to it so much! I especially think about all the quirky rituals I have in my daily life, from having a favorite plate that no one else can use, to my odd parking space logic, to accidentally bumping my elbow on the table and having to re-create the same volume of pain on the opposite elbow for it to feel “even”. Yep, we all have little specks of Autism alright!

Your most helpful post

Parents: Who Supports Us? This is dedicated to all of us that live with and fight for our special needs children. It’s not a job for weenies! It reminds us that our feelings are natural, however appropriate or inappropriate we are judging them to be at the time, and that support for US is vital to our children’s success.

A post with a title that you are proud of

“I’m funny how? Funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you?” This was a really fun bit to write explaining how children on the Spectrum typically do not understand sarcasm. Ironically the entire post was sprinkled with said sarcasm, as it runs rampant in my house and in my head.

Actually it’s a tie…

Are You Going to the Hardware Store for a Loaf of Bread? Another playful post that starts off with a famous scene from The Electric Company. Though quite humorous, the post really hones in on our expectations and how it’s not really fair to keep demanding things from people that they are not capable of giving.

A post that you wish more people had read

A Letter to my Son – Clearing the Past Read with tissues nearby. That is all.

… and That’s What Little Boys Are Made Of

Boys will be boysSometimes, I get so wrapped up in the classification and response to Autistic or sensory-seeking behavior that I forget my son is also just a little boy. Boys! They are traditionally single-focused by nature, mechanically curious, and frankly, they do a LOT of things without thinking of consequences. In fact, people love to ask me, “When did you know he was Autistic?” If I had a nickel… Honestly, I didn’t know there was a need to explore his mind until disruptive situations in pre-school began to present themselves. Why?

I had a girl first.

There are so many quirky behaviors that I absolutely can see now in hindsight; at the time I dismissed them as classic boy tendencies. After all, I have brothers. The difference being that mine were downright evil during childhood ; ) Doggie-doo down the back of my shirt, rocks at the core of well-packed snowballs… yes, pure brotherly evil. But I digress.

There were things I struggled with when my son was a toddler. Constant obsession with light switches, no visible fear from dangerous situations, disassembling an electrical outlet with his bare hands when thought to be in time-out, extreme hyperactivity, and more. Half the people in my life would tell me I should have him tested for something and the other half would say he was just being a typical boy. I had no firm evidence or experience to fall on either side of that fence. So I waited.

Fast Forward

I’ve walked the wondrous Autism road for the past four years – filled with research and questions and tests and observations – and I still struggle with that fence from time to time. My goal is to find that place where I am giving him support for the things he cannot do for himself and creating appropriate boundaries and lessons for the things he can control. What a grey area that is! It’s gotten easier with so much information at my disposal, but every child on the spectrum  is unique.

It is understandable that I turn to a checklist, a practiced response, or even an excuse when there are any waves in my house. When living with Autism day in and day out, when my routine is so labor-intensive, and going out to dinner (and actually completing my meal) makes me feel as accomplished as an Olympic medalist, I see why I am wrapped up in his special needs and odd behaviors.

Sometimes I need to take a step back and realize that he is just being a little boy.

DENIED! Why am I Doing the Happy Dance?

Six months ago I applied for SSI Disability to help me provide for my Autistic son. Meeting the income guidelines for this assistance, I jumped through all the required hoops of their dog and pony show. I supplied them with a 92-page history and timeline of all Justin’s diagnoses, school records, IEP copies, behavioral and developmental assessments, medication history (yes, I at one time investigated that route out of sheer desperation – a story for another day), and every behavior slip, suspension and punishment notice he’d ever received.

I saw their doctor. I followed up, week after week, inquiring about their decision. All the while, in my journey, I was learning about my son and Autism. I was not happy with the doctor visits, the medication attempt, the rigid recommendations, the books, the cookie-cutter approaches.

In this journey I came across a book by Dr. Robert Melillo called Disconnected Kids. Along with the centers he founded, this book offered a scientifically proven theory about a hemispheric imbalance in children with Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, Tourette’s, and other disorders. I voraciously digested this information and began applying what I learned immediately. I tested and modified some of the sensory exercises and techniques. I expanded my research on the nutritional guidelines. I drew some new conclusions.

I began supplementing with EFT, teaching my son to tap and performing surrogate tapping when he could not. I also began graciously opening my heart and accepting the gifts of his beautiful mind. The docile nature of our beautiful Alaskan Malamute, Juno, has also had an extremely calming effect on him.

These things combined have changed our world. Oh, our journey is nowhere complete, as he still cannot tie his shoes or ride a bike; we still have days where a trip to the grocery store is a nightmare. It still takes an Act of Congress to get him ready in the morning on time for school. We are working on it, as I refine the techniques that have shown me hope and success. He is now able to smell and recognize scents; we can go to the movies and sit through an entire film; I don’t receive calls to pick him up from school early for being out of control… and he was denied for SSI.

According to my letter, “… the evidence does not show that these conditions are severe enough to be disabling. We have decided that Justin’s condition is not disabling under our rules.”

I’ve been denied, and I’m ecstatic! What mother would not want this kind of news?

“I’m funny how? Funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you?”

Sarcasm: Remarks that mean the opposite of what they seem to say and are intended to mock or deride.

Add irony, hyperboles, understatements, metaphors, oxymorons, or the anticlimactic punchline – no, this isn’t a Language Arts pop quiz. These are the things not understood by my Autistic child, who lives in a literal world.

Last night we viewed a commercial for a new movie in which the main character exclaimed, “There is no such thing as—“ “DEREK!” his wife interjected. What my son heard was, “There is no such thing as Derek,” and promptly looked me in the eye and asked, “So the Derek in my class isn’t real?” Oh boy : )

In a household where sarcasm is spun more intricately than a debate between Alan Rickman and Joe Pesci, I find it extremely ironic (and entertaining!) that my son doesn’t comprehend the figurative language. Phrases like, “I laughed my head off”, “She cried her eyes out when she watched that episode”, or “Don’t blow a gasket, it’s just a video game” are lost on him. I certainly have to think twice when he asks if it would be cool to see him jump from the chair, over the dog, and onto the coffee table and I reply with, “Sure – that’s not dangerous…”

Before stumbling upon the realization that Autistic children can have trouble interpreting sarcasm, I wondered why classic momilies such as, “I’ll kick you into next week” and “Back off the TV or you’ll burn your eyes out” would elicit a mortified response from the boy. Can you imagine how confusing your universe would be if you took every message literally? No wonder I never got the desired result every time I reminded him to keep his hands and his feet to himself. In his mind, that meant keeping them attached to his body. Duh, mom!

I also used to think he was just being difficult when I would tell him it was his bedtime and he would immediately retort with, “It’s NOT! It’s 8:57!” Rounding up doesn’t exist, nor does approximation. A couple always means two and a few always means three when I am talking to him. And he holds me to it! We’ve also had many arguments arise when he would ask me how much longer until dinner and my answer was something like, “Not much longer” or “twenty minutes or so”. Frustrated, he would repeat the question until I answered in a way he understood. I had no idea that he simply doesn’t process vague statements.

My daughter and I are the complete opposite of him – we exaggerate for humor, paint mental pictures of the ridiculous when trying to prove a point, and typically function in a “go with the flow” state of being. It can be challenging to stop and alter how we communicate with him so he gets it, but I now see the importance of it! To him, we are sometimes speaking another language. He already feels left out being the only male; the last thing I want to do is isolate him further when I can simply adjust the way I phrase something.

When my daughter and I are laughing hysterically, shooting rapid-fire examples of “Imagine if” jokes and he either corrects us or chimes in with something completely irrelevant, we have learned to appreciate his beautiful mind. It is quite a gift to have such a different perspective presented to us on a daily basis.