autism no eye contact

Autism Tips for Emergency Responders: No Eye Contact

autism no eye contact

image courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

I read an awesome article on TheMighty.com that asked 16 different people on the autism spectrum to describe why making eye contact can be difficult for them. Any insights like this help me be a better parent to my autistic teens and a better educator for emergency responders.

Lack of eye contact may be considered rude or antisocial to those who don’t understand it. However, in an emergency situation that involves first responders, it can be misconstrued as evidence of guilt, non-compliance, or even altered mental status, all of which can put an emergency responder on the defensive and potentially lead to a call going downhill fast.

The Mighty asked their readers with autism who find eye contact difficult to share a description of what it’s like for them. I think some of these quotes are really helpful for emergency responders to be able to understand and identify what’s really going on when someone with autism cannot look at them. The full article can be found here, but some of my favorite descriptions are:

“It’s abstract to me and can be draining. Looking at someone else in the eye means I am taking in everything about them as a person, and I become overloaded. It can disrupt any thought or speaking process I have going on and zaps my energy quickly.” — Laura Spoerl

“To me, eye contact feels like I’m being stared at, like I’m being scrutinized and judged. It makes me uncomfortable because I feel like I’m under immense pressure, and the tension builds and builds until finally I have to look away. It feels almost confrontational, which causes me a lot of anxiety.”— Emma Wozny

“It can feel like you’re standing there naked. It’s very difficult to form a coherent thought with all of this going on in your head. ” — Megan Klein

“When I make eye contact, the world around me blocks out. I can only process the immense pain and discomfort that comes to my brain. This pain goes if I look away.” — Lucy Clapham

“For me it can be a physical pain; it feels like burning with too many emotions, and I just can’t take it in all at once.” — Rosie Howard

“There’s plenty enough for us to concentrate on mid-conversation without the demand to do something which, quite frankly, feels very unnatural to many of us. You can have my eye contact, or you can have my concentration. Choose whichever one you value more.”– Chris Bonnello, from Autistic Not Weird

“Eye contact is hard for me because I am easily overwhelmed by lots of different input. When I am trying to listen, follow, or contribute to a conversation or just manage all my different sensitivities, it is easiest, most comfortable and least painful for me to not make eye contact. I listen and focus better when I am not making eye contact.” — Erin McKinney

My co-trainer at Spirit of Autism, Austin Harris, told me what it’s like for him, and how he’s learned to manage it:

“Eye contact is difficult for me because it makes me very nervous when I’m being looked at directly. It makes me feel uncomfortable in an unexplainable way. One tool I use to combat this is quick contact by looking at multiple people and objects. This works especially well for public speaking and teaching where you need to talk to the group instead of one person. What I do is I make brief contact every so often with different individuals so I am not focusing on just one person’s eyes.”

My daughter shared this with me about her experience:

“If I’m coming up on a person about to pass me, I drop my gaze immediately. If I happen to accidentally lock eyes with them, I feel a tinge of panic. What are they thinking? Are they thinking about me at all? Did I rub them the wrong way? I’d rather be invisible to them, and chances are likely that they thought nothing of it, but I remember it.

There’s something very uncomfortable about looking directly into somebody’s eyes while they’re staring at you. I don’t know what’s going on and I’m trying to evaluate the situation. And how long are you supposed to keep eye contact, anyway? If it’s too short, it may come across as dismissive; if it’s too long, it’s way too awkward. It’s a lot of processing and confusion that goes on underneath the surface in a matter of seconds, and when there are responses and replies expected of you on top of that, it gets to be overwhelming sometimes.”

I think the biggest takeaways for emergency responders when it comes to lack of eye contact are:

  1. If someone with autism isn’t looking at you directly it does not mean they aren’t listening.
  2. It can be physically painful for an autistic person to maintain eye contact with you.
  3. A person with autism may need to avoid eye contact in order to process and focus on what you’re saying to them.

Rather than demanding that someone look at you when you are speaking, it may be helpful to simply ask a person that’s not keeping eye contact with you if they are listening, if they understand you, if they can repeat back what you just said, or even if they’d prefer to communicate by writing.

autism criminal justice

Autism and the Criminal Justice System

autism criminal justiceDuring the introduction of my Autism Training for Emergency Responders class I talk about how special needs individuals are seven times more likely to interact with first responders, usually due to wandering, comorbid medical conditions and severely escalated behaviors that may mimic mental illness, drug abuse or just plain non-compliance.

What happens when someone with autism enters the criminal justice system? There are currently no statistics going beyond interactions in the field, but it certainly does provide a challenge and opportunity for myriad complications.

Problems with sensory overload, poor understanding of sarcasm, idioms and exaggeration as well as non-verbal communication such as facial expressions and body language can foster inappropriate responses that lead to trouble for the autistic individual. Add to the mix their trusting vulnerability and inability to deal with changes in routine or structure and people with autism often get into trouble without even knowing they committed an offense.

I’m not saying that someone with Asperger’s or autism will NEVER intentionally break the law, but so often these situations get easily misconstrued. The individual may have technically committed an offense, though the criminal behavior might have been an act of impulsivity, with no intent to do harm.

My son will repeatedly make a threatening or, at the very least, rude remark to me and then is shocked when I get upset with him. He has learned to apologize when I tell him he was hurtful or inappropriate, yet he has no idea WHY he’s apologizing because in his mind, he simply made a truthful or logical statement. Or he was repeating something he heard but has no idea what it actually means.

These kinds of “processing differences” could lead to him getting in trouble with the law down the road. The Asperger/Autism Network cites examples of unintentional offenses such as:

  • Making threatening statements
  • Inappropriate sexual advances
  • Being an accomplice to a crime due to the influence of false friends
  • Making physical outbursts in a public place or within the community

Criminal justice professionals may observe a high-functioning autistic person as appearing “normal” then diagnose their seemingly odd behaviors – such as lack of eye contact, changing the subject and blunt honesty – as disrespectful, evasive and belligerent. Sometimes someone with autism uses loud vocal tones, repetitive motions and laughter as a way to cope with both the anxiety of the situation and the overwhelming sensory environment, which is often misread as guilty and remorseless behavior.

The following strategies will help prepare you for successful interaction and communicating:

  • Approach the person a quiet, non-threatening manner
  • Allow more time for processing questions and delayed responses
  • Do not interpret limited eye contact as deceit or evidence of guilt
  • Avoid phrases that have more than one meaning or may cause confusion when taken literally, such as “Are you pulling my leg?” or “What’s up your sleeve?”
  • You may need to repeat or rephrase your question
  • Stick to narrative style questions rather than “yes” or “no” type questions – they are more reliable
  • Be prepared to write down or draw out the question for visual processors
  • Be patient – avoid becoming emotionally aroused and upset
  • Be aware of sensory processing issues: keep lighting low, limit distracting images, eliminate the presence of non-essential personnel, avoid using perfume or aftershave if possible, and avoid touching the person unless absolutely necessary
  • Seek assistance from objective professionals that are familiar with autism

Most police departments have a Crisis Intervention Team, which staffs a psych nurse and an officer trained in psychiatric crisis management. They have many tools available to them that other officers may not. If you suspect autism, seek assistance from department assets such as a mobile crisis team or unit early on in the legal intervention, as they can help identify if the person may require special assistance from psychiatric professionals.

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Weekly Autism Tips for Emergency Responders: If I Need Help

QR Code

My son wearing his unique QR code at the Chamblee fireworks in 2014.

My boy is a wanderer. After having a girl first, one that was nearly always attached to my side, I was not prepared for the terror of repeatedly having a child go missing in the blink of an eye.

Now he’s 13 years old, 7″ taller than me and weighs 210 pounds. He doesn’t wander often. In fact, I can’t seem to get him to wander… away from his computer, that is ;) However, we are still prepared; despite the repetition of safety-based social stories and the fact that he prefers to stay in his room… there is always a chance he will impulsively go seek something outside and get caught up in it until he’s no longer sure where he is. There are also large events that we sometimes venture out to, when the odds are stacked in our favor and we have all our tools to make it a successful outing, that breed great opportunities for him to be lost in the crowd.

My son is verbal, but when something happens to him that deviates at all from his normal routine, he shuts down. He knows his name, address, and phone number, but when he’s in distress all he can process is what’s happening to him at that moment. He doesn’t think through asking critical questions or seeking help, he either shuts down exactly where he is or he goes. Like Forrest Gump goes – no idea where he’s going or what or who he’s trying to reach, he just goes.

So how would you respond to a 210-pound, stocky man child (that sometimes wears diapers because of crippling digestive and bowel issues) that cannot tell you his name, where he lives or what’s wrong?

In our case, you could scan him! (What?)

As a parent, I have researched myriad IDs and tracking devices for my child. I’m glad to see so many options available now – so many other parents stepping up to the plate and inventing products to keep their children safe. My son has extreme sensory issues (and I mentioned he’s a 13-year old boy)… he rarely keeps CLOTHES on. A clunky tracking device on him would not be there long.

If I Need Help has saved our bacon on more than one occasion! First of all, the creators are super cool, funny and awesome parents who, like many others, had a dire need to keep their own child safe. Secondly, the QR code patches and clothing were easily tolerated by my son! He actually loves the idea of having his own unique “code” and wears it with pride.

Butch in the Tub

“I’m safe in here, right, Mom?”

We didn’t make it to fireworks this year. The ones that went off in our neighborhood ALL DAY really put him into a bad sensory state. Together, with our terrified, Thundershirt-clad husky seeking shelter in the tub, we focused on calming routines instead of venturing out to the city’s festivities. ‘Twas quite a night. Last year, however, we went to the City of Chamblee fireworks and had a great time! Donning his QR code on a Minecraft shirt, our first stop at the festival was the police tent, where I introduced my son, explained he was Autistic, and told officers if they spotted him anywhere without me, they should scan his code with their smartphone. The QR code gives instant access to my son’s emergency information, I am able to change anything in his profile REAL TIME based on the scenario, and the entire thing can be emailed to searchers if he went missing. It is his unique ID, a way for him to communicate when he isn’t able.

One time, he was playing with the hose in our front yard and his sister apparently told him to get lost. Being literal like he is, he did just that. In the blink of an eye he was gone – no shirt, no shoes and soaking wet. It took a neighborhood search party, DeKalb PD and a lot of faith that day, but I got my son back safely.

He wasn’t wearing a shirt, so how could the QR code have helped? If I Need Help has some NEW products – they now have custom Dog Tags and ID cards that have the name, number and additional info printed on them along with the QR code.  People who are more independent like these, but they are also good for people who do not keep their shirts on. 

QuickStartGuideWithBlurb

If I Need Help Quick-start Guide

With the free sign up you can create a profile, edit it live in real time, send the profile to other caregivers, and print out your own code. Many people are printing their codes, laminating them and taping or glueing them to their phones, devices or anything else they keep with them regularly.

If you’ve taken my Autism training course, you already know some signs and behaviors that will help you identify that someone may need help. Keep your eyes open for anyone wearing or holding a QR code on their person and don’t be afraid to SCAN IT! You may just be saving a life.